Comments | xwontonx: jessica / jenna

xwontonx

jessica / jenna

Jul 23, 2003 23:22

i met a girl. she's 22 and married and she moved here from conneticut. she had a baby girl, but she was stillborn, which for those of you who don't know... means it didn't make it, it was dead before she even gave birth to her. i met her husband and they're pretty happy together and she's really nice, but she talks about her daughter like she's ( Read more... )

Comments 14

newsensation July 23 2003, 21:08:07 UTC

No. I would feel the same way.

that is totally creepy. Imagine how tramatic it would be if they get around to having another kid and they make him/her celebrates their dead older sister's birthday every year. Maybe she has post tramatic stress disorder. how long has it been?

xwontonx July 23 2003, 22:51:40 UTC

i was thinking about that today and wondering how i would feel if something like that happened in my family, say i had a brother or sister who never made in into this world.... how would i feel celebrating their birthdays and i came to the conclusion that it's better to remember then to completely forget. the baby is a person to, with a heartbeat and 10 fingers and 10 toes ...... it can't be forgotten about.

i want to say she gave birth a year ago? something like that.

Um.. well, speaking for one who has lost children.... anonymous July 23 2003, 21:14:29 UTC

... no, you're not wrong for feeling that way - it's understandable - but do try to remember that to her that baby was her whole world for 9 months.. she felt it moving inside her, it woke her in the night, she spoke to it, sang to it, bought it presents, felt her breasts swell with milk for it - everything. And then it was taken from her, never to be seen again. Often hopsital workers try to get rid of the deceased baby quickly before the mother even sees it, and almost always no photos are taken... but nearly always the mother (and often the father too) greatly regret not having that time with their child, and having no tangiable memory of that life - no photo, no nothing - making recovery from the trauma even more difficult ( ... )

Re: Um.. well, speaking for one who has lost children.... xwontonx July 23 2003, 22:49:11 UTC

i hope you read this and respond seeing as how it's anonymous. thank you for your words... i've realized this all but it's better hearing it from someone else. she's told me how the baby would freak out if she ate certain foods, or how the baby would start kicking and turning when she heard her husbands voice. i've spoken with her about all of this but i just feel so guilty for feeling bad because i dont know if it's an okay way to feel. she said she's ready to try again but her husband isn't... which is so upsetting.

i'm so sorry for your losses... that's such a sweet idea with the butterflies. thank you again for your comment. xx

Re: Um.. well, speaking for one who has lost children.... anonymous August 3 2003, 18:37:12 UTC

Hey, me again, droppin' in on your joint. Thanks for the reply... and thanks for the kindness about my lost kids. Yeah, it's very difficult but it gets better with time - been about 11 years since the last loss now, so not so bad. Glad to hear you're supporting your friend, and I'm sure she appreciates it, though she may not show it just now. It's OK to feel bad about her loss... she does too.. why not just tell her you feel really badly about it? I'm sure she'd agree. [BTW, I'm really sorry to be anon, but I'm a kinda 'known' person (musician), so I gotta keep he profile low or else I get a ton of bozos and creeps chasing my own journal and I just really don't need the hassle - I'm into my third journal now 'cause the other two got abused bigtime.]

Re: Um.. well, speaking for one who has lost children.... xwontonx August 3 2003, 22:17:34 UTC

i hope you see this as well.... i have a journal that no one knows about, actually i have two.

if you have aim i'd love to talk sometime.

aim = expiresby

Thread 7

xgummiwinterx July 24 2003, 05:14:30 UTC

i don't think so...i think it's weird that she talks about her daughter's birthday also, because technically she never HAD a birthday...

xwontonx July 24 2003, 18:22:02 UTC

very true. i made that point a few times today when i told people at my old work about her.

Not so.... xgummiwinterx August 3 2003, 18:39:11 UTC

To the mum that baby has had a birthday - the day it died. I know that sounds strange, but if you were the mum you'd know. She will remember - not celebrate but remember - that day every year for the rest of her life.

youcanhaveme July 24 2003, 08:54:01 UTC

I'd feel so horrible if I heard all that. I don't know what I'd do.

xwontonx July 24 2003, 18:23:14 UTC

it was so sad to hear.