if anybody uses this anymore, i've got a new one. i'm starting over.
x3belle. add it. :)

everything is so FRUSTRATING AND STRESSFUL.

my brother is back in fucking jail. i'm so mad at him i can't even handle it ( Read more... )

nothing like procrastination to make me finally update this thing.

i don't really know what to say. a lot's changed. that boy i was trying to like just because i liked him and not cuz i made myself? well i did. make myself, that is. i was being really dumb, i don't know him that well and we never would have worked out. and i stopped liking him very ( Read more... )

i also suck as a person. i had a great weekend, and yet today i can still manage to be sad. i want to talk to allen, i didn't talk to him all day yesterday. but he's not home and i feel guilty taking him off of cloud fricken nine cuz he hung out with her yesterday. what's worse is there was a car accident last night with 8 people from my school. 1 ( Read more... )

see this is weird cuz right now, like 20 minutes later, i'm wavering between still being depressed (usually when i look at her away message or profile) and being determined to be happy. i'm trying, i really am but i'm like not in control anymore i need to get it back. it's hard to focus on school shit when i've got a lot to do in my own life ( Read more... )

every day i find new reasons to be even more depressed. today i realized that the person number one in my life doesn't have me as number one in theirs. and not just that. i also realized in addition to not being number one in my number one's life, i am number one in no one's life. no one.

i talk to allen about everything and it makes me feel better ( Read more... )

time is moving really slowly again. and i just want to sleep.

burning questions:
why does everyone suck?
what quality do i posess that makes me impossible to love?
what does he see in HER, of all people, that he couldn't see in me?
why am i not allowed to be happy, no matter how hard i try?

someone show me the part of life that's supposed to make ( Read more... )

today was a really good day, even though i totally failed a chemistry test and i'm not kidding. i didn't know anything. and allen also got ISS and is in a bad mood. but today was really good. i don't know why. i may be moving on, maybe that's why. i've taken a few more steps. i have an 'interest'. i don't know if i 'like' him or how i feel about ( Read more... )

i don't even know what to do anymore. i wake up and all i want to do is sleep. i just count the hours til i can get to a boring class and sleep or get home and sleep. i'm in a terrible funk and something's gotta happen for me to get out of it. i'm trying my hardest to help myself, but i don't know what to do. i'm trying to look for positives, but i ( Read more... )

why am i always so afraid?
i need to start living in the moment.
stop missing the past, stop being scared for the future.

i'm hungry.
i need food, rehearsal/music showcase players, love. some roses would be nice too.
i need to be refreshed.
i need to find something truly good, or have something truly good find me.

i think i'm going to make some ( Read more... )