Comments | xxphoenix: demolition man/i think the world just may be out to get me.

xxphoenix

demolition man/i think the world just may be out to get me.

Feb 21, 2005 16:17

so.
i.i'm not going to stop writing in here no matter what, though i may make it friends only. comment to be added & i'll consider adding you, once the change is made (assuming it is).
ii.even if i decide against that, i'll be making my emotional/destructive/life-altering entries friends-only. if you want a piece of the action, you might be able to ( Read more... )

Comments 53

x_spagg_x February 21 2005, 21:50:30 UTC

No....

no no no no no fucking god damned no, Odel.

You're not leaving me in this fucking hell, you can't fucking leave me hear.

If I don't hear from you later, I'll find you in hell and give you a peice of my fucking mind, do you understand me?

...don't abandon me yet...

xxphoenix February 21 2005, 22:19:37 UTC

you don't understand...

okay, you do...

...i can't do it anymore, bob. i can't do it anymore, i can't fake it. fuck life if this is as good as it gets.

ruggerchic February 21 2005, 22:03:10 UTC

do you really want to be dead? Is that what is going to make you happy?

xxphoenix February 21 2005, 22:18:47 UTC

...yes. that's the whole point.

i understand your concern, but comments like this just make me more upset.
you have NO idea what i've been through; this past week alone will make anyone else throw in the towel.

& i don't need help...because i know you'll offer. trust me: been there, fended that off.

ruggerchic February 22 2005, 02:05:56 UTC

I know you don't want my help or anyone else but please, please don't think about suicide. I pulled out of doing it so I have been driven there just thought that you should know. Oh and by the way you never realized it but it was you who to some degree pulled me out.

xxphoenix February 25 2005, 16:35:24 UTC

i do it for everyone.
so many people are still here because of something i said or did that mattered to them. now, i can't even begin to think of how i pulled that off.

i've let everyone down.

x_spagg_x February 21 2005, 22:18:00 UTC

My sweet sweet demoness...

...I never want to see that happen...

...I'll stay here if you do, and one day, we'll be together, okay?...

...I will go through hell and high water to be with you for at least a moment, just as long as you promise me, and my foul empty soul that you'll just wait...

...I never want to let you go, babe...

xxphoenix February 21 2005, 22:21:52 UTC

then don't let yourself go.

you don't do it, & i swear to you that i won't.
i can't be without one of the few who make it worthwhile, whether it be physical presence, or technological connection.

be here,
& i'll be here too.
give up,
& there's nothing stopping me.

x_spagg_x February 21 2005, 22:32:15 UTC

then I shant walk the faded line...

...I'll see you soon...

hecatelila February 21 2005, 22:20:25 UTC

i never want to see you dead, that would do more to me than you think, that would make me think, fuck if she cant survive this how the fuck can i? i need to to be alive

xxphoenix February 21 2005, 22:23:54 UTC

lisa...it's fucking hard. it is SO fucking hard & every time i fuck up, with omar, ben, etc. i just feel more & more like shit. except: it doesn't go away after they forgive me, it stays there & eats away at me. i can't shake off anything i've done wrong, & it just multiplies & gets worse every time i do something wrong.

i am not worth this.
life, is not worth this.

hecatelila February 21 2005, 22:26:01 UTC

i know its fucking hard i do, but youre worth it in my eyes

xxphoenix February 25 2005, 16:35:46 UTC

you seem to be one of the few who thinks so.

Thread 5

wonderingsparow February 21 2005, 23:59:24 UTC

to all those conserned: she is to my knowlage not comtimplating suicide. I know because per request of a few ppl i went to check and her mother said it was all just a ploy to see if she's reading the journal, in fact she had to tell me that it was her concerned friends calling her to make sure that allerted her, that and renee's father who is reading her journal. As of her mother calling her she is alright and nothing has happened so dont worry, she's out trying jeans. sorry odel if this is invasive or whatever but their's no need to keep it going if your mom already knows.

wonderingsparow February 23 2005, 19:58:38 UTC

ok, i'll say "hell if i realy know" but i only got my info from the mother, that may be bias from the mother or she wasnt told what was going on but all i got to work with is about 15 min. of talk with Marria.

xxphoenix February 25 2005, 16:36:53 UTC

we've all got to make some sorts of excuses for our parents.
"what mummy doesn't know won't hurt her."

...what the fuck do you care, anyway? i thought i'd been dumped, remember?

wonderingsparow February 26 2005, 05:49:05 UTC

oy, im not cold hearted. i did what i thought was best and i stuck to it even though it was hard. now i do regret it. i do still care. it took one phone call to get my over your house.i was scared, i didnt even take the time to look at what everyone was making a fuss over. i just came over to make sure you were alright and if not to see if i could help. i was lucky that you werent hurt. i dont realy care that you smoke, drink and have sex. even if i did im not part of that anymore. i still notice when u enter a room, i still notice when i pass you in the halls. with you i've grown much more timid, with everyone else much more bold and i dont like either.

i dont realy mind running over to see if your ok, i dont realy mind the anxity of not knowing as long as you dont wind up hurt or worse. i trust u know your limits, please dont proove me wrong

Thread 6