So, yeah....yesterday, me, Steve, and Prince went to Guitar Center, played around with some shit, then went to Wendy's....What does Erica's genius ass do? SNORTS KETSUP!!! I will say right now, never do that. It burns...A LOT 

So, it's 5:30am....and I have no idea what the hell is wrong with me right now....I am listening to some Hendrix, wishing there was an escape from how I am feeling. I have been craving cocaine tonight like crazy and don't understand why. I am totally falling for someone who I highly doubt would ever feel the same about me. I am trying to find my ( Read more... )

So, I wake up at about 1am with the WORSE pains that I have EVER felt in a long time, like, as bad as my labor pains.......not cool, right? But anyhow, first time since, what, February that this has happened? The doctors told me that I could probably go a little more than a year without having to get the surgery before I start having problems, but ( Read more... )

Well, a lot going on since my last post WAY back in only god knows when.
Currently staying in Queens with Steve. If you don't know who Steve is, he is a VERY great man that has done so much for me, and that has made me feel more alive than anyone ever has. We'll get back to him later, though....

I have been here over a month now, and a lot has ( Read more... )

So, I'm at the point of not caring anymore again. Continue to lie...continue to use. It will get you no where. I'm evaluating my life, my friends...and I ask myself, why the hell am I still here? I'm a "friend for the moment" to most of them, the others, well, they put on their fake smile. I can't DEAL with fake ass people anymore. As soon as my ( Read more... )

I told my father about everything going on......sent him an email earlier today. What I got back in response made me cry so much. I have never gotten affection or support from my father. I always felt so  alienated, like I was nothing. He had his other family...he could care less for me. But I guess I was wrong. I would like to share with you what ( Read more... )

Just got back from lifeskills. I did a psychiatric evaluation....I have an appointment with a therapist Monday to see what the fuck is wrong with me. I'm worried, though. I answered everything honestly, but when I looked over it, I really sound like a real psycho. Auditory hallucinations, thoughts of hopelessness, urge to harm myself/others, ( Read more... )

I am so sorry for what I've done. I don't know what I was thinking. I cut myself really badly for the first time in a long time today. Everything just got to be too much. I lost my love, my child, and my best friend all in a matter of a week. (For those who don't know, my friend I've known since I was 3 got killed in a car accident yesterday early ( Read more... )

I just can't handle this pain anymore. I am so sorry for anyone I've hurt. I'm sorry to anyone that is going to hurt, but this is all too much for me. I love you all.

The medicine is blending in mixing the blood with oxygen
I need this right now to figure myself out
Cutting through the ribbons of self doubt
I never thought you'd see me this way
You are the worst and I am to blame

Close the door, lock it tight
Then I'll know you're safe tonight
Turn on a song that means the most
Believe I'm there and hold me ( Read more... )