Chasing Prince Charming [FIC]
Title:Chasing Prince Charming
Author: yahnknshadows
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: slash, drug use, abuse, AIDS scare, drag shows, language
Pairing Jared/Jensen, J2/OMC
Total World Count: About 75k
Disclaimer: Lies, all lies!
Summary: Full summary to be found with Master Post
Music: Why Don't You and I? by Carlos Santana featuring Chad Kroeger
Beta: Let's all give a rousing round of applause to Sarah <3 <3 <3 <3! Thanks so much for your help, honey!
Master Post
Prologue Chapter One pt.I Chapter One pt.II Chapter 2 Chapter Three
Chapter Four Chapter Five Chapter Six pt.I Chapter Six pt. II
Chapter Seven pt. I Chapter Seven pt. II Chapter Eight Chapter Nine Chapter Ten
**** Keep an eye out for the next update for Chasing Prince Charming; it's almost over! :D ****
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Chapter 11: Curtain Call
Between Jensen, Misha and Terry, the old coffee house that had been contracted for the play had been watched almost twenty-four/seven. They worked out when the actors and stage crew got there, when they left, where they parked and where they came out of the building. Now it was up to Jensen, because Misha and Terry had sort of washed their hands of it now. Jensen had to agree with them; hiding from Jared wasn't going to do anything, and even if Jared didn't believe him, he needed to know what actually happened that night. Besides that, it was easier to face Jared knowing he hadn't left because he just didn't want Jensen anymore, which was what Jensen had thought at first.
Jensen was off to the side of the building where he could see Jared's truck but Jared wouldn't see him. He didn't know what he was going to say, really, and all he could think about was the fact that Jared would run from him. He couldn't handle that and Misha's idea of handcuffs seemed better and better as he waited for rehearsal to end.
Rehearsal had run later than usual due to the director demanding a full dress rehearsal, going over particularly hard scenes several times to make sure that everyone had their parts down and were completely off book and ready for opening night. Eight days until they opened, and Jared wasn’t even nervous, couldn’t really feel much beyond numbness and a vague sense of emptiness. Luckily, Jared was an accomplished actor and could hide his emotions and play up Millie’s excitement on stage, otherwise he’d have been cut from the show and another loss at the moment would’ve done more damage than good.
Jared sighed as he pushed his way out of the back entrance with a sigh. He was the last one out and he was tired, but then lately he was always tired, and he made his way to his truck with his cosmetics bag and costume slung over his shoulder. He had to take the dress to the dry cleaners and perhaps buy another shade of lipstick because the director kept bitching about his mouth disappearing in the lights.
Jensen saw Jared and came up short because he hadn't seen Jared in what felt like a really long time. He wanted to scream, actually, but he couldn't seem to get his mouth to move. He was never this scared or this nervous; Jensen prided himself on having his shit together. Now, of course, this was Jared they were talking about and it wasn't even close. He licked his lips and moved forward and spit out the first thing that popped into his head. "I wasn't fucking Max that night," he said, his voice bitter more for what the last few weeks had been like then at the man standing in front of him. "I wasn't fucking Max or anyone else but you the whole time, but whether you can believe that or not, I don't know."
“J-Jensen?” Jared stuttered as he whirled, eyes wide with surprise. “Wh-what are you doing here?” he asked stupidly, still trying to get his brain to take in the idea that Jensen was there instead of off having his fairytale romance.
"Tracking your ass down because you took off on me," Jensen shot back, still keeping his distance because he didn't expect Jared to really stay there but giving him space might keep him from running like a scared rabbit. "You could have just asked what happened that night; I was going to tell you when I got home anyway. I didn't have anything to hide because I didn't do anything with him."
Jared’s expression turned pained and he looked away. “I heard that you two were all over each other, and Jamie said you left with him. I don’t want to disbelieve you, but it’s kind of hard not to.” He backed towards his truck, but only made it a few steps before he stopped again. He dragged in a hitched breath and looked up at Jensen again, tear tracks making twin shining trails down his cheeks. “I want to believe you. I want to so badly, but what if I’m wrong? I don’t think I’d survive it if I was wrong again.”
Jensen just looked at him. As much as he loved Jared, he wanted to punch the living shit out of him. "What the fuck did I ever do you to make you think that you can't trust me?" he asked, his own pain showing on his face because was this what Jared thought of him? He was no better than Jack; he was a cheater, someone who lied to his face and went behind his back? That was hurtful and it was insulting. He didn't even care about Jared's tears because he had his own to match and he couldn't even understand what he was hearing at this point. "The only person that said I was all over Max was Jack; wake the fuck up, Jared, and put two and two together."
Head bowed, shoulders slumped; Jared took another step back. A little further and he’d be in his truck, could get back to his apartment, and try to keep moving. “I didn’t believe Jack, you know. That was why I called the club; I wanted to hear you tell me he was full of shit. But, you were gone. With Max.” Jared’s head came up and his brows drew together in a sad frown. “I’d already pushed another guy to cheat on me, so what else was I supposed to think, Jensen? Tell me what I’m supposed to think, what I was supposed to do? I tried to call you and you were gone with someone else. What was I supposed to think?”
Jensen looked away. "He's on the Twelve Step program, trying to stay clean," he said very softly. "H-he wanted to say he was sorry for everything that he did. The club wasn't the best place to talk about something like that." No one in the club knew about Max or what had happened between him and Jensen and he didn't want them to. More than that, Max wanted to actually talk to Jensen and Jensen was stupid enough to give in to people. "We stood at the front door and talked; that was it."
A heavy sigh rushed out of Jared’s mouth and he nodded. He closed his eyes, lashes fanning dark against his cheeks, and edged backward another step. “I’m happy for him, for you both, but I can’t hear this. God, I’m so-I’ve got to go.” His voice cracked on the last word and he turned, walking quickly to his truck.
"You know what, Jared, fuck you," Jensen yelled. "Maybe you're right, maybe we shouldn't be together. I understand I don't have the best track record with relationships, but I am not a fucking cheater. You really think that little of me, then what else can I say but fuck you, you self-centered fucking prick. All I'm doing is saying to you that nothing happened. I spent the last two weeks crying like a bitch, worrying about and hunting you down. You got your wires crossed and I'm not going to say I'm sorry for that and I sure the fuck am not going to stand here and beg you."
The truck door slammed on Jensen’s last word and Jared slumped against the side of the truck, hands braced on the cold steel of the truck body. He was shaking too hard to even think of trying to get in and put the key in the ignition, would probably wreck and kill himself if he tried to drive, so he just stood there, trying his best to hold himself together. His breath hitched and he gave up, rolling against the side of the truck so that he faced Jensen again. “At least I know what you really think of me now,” he said in a hollow voice, gutted of any and all emotion. “I guess I deserve it, all of it, because I don’t know what you’re talking about. You want me to say it’s okay for you to go back to Max? Fine, it’s okay. You want me to apologize for trying to protect myself? Okay, I’m sorry.” He closed his eyes and slid down to sit on the ground beside his truck, boneless and defeated. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”
In that moment, Jensen didn't know what to feel; he felt everything and nothing at once. Jensen shook his head and moved to close the distance between them. "Jared, how many different ways do I have to say Max and I are not together for you to get it through your head? Why are you so ready to throw us under the bus? Do I really mean so little to you that you would just throw me aside like I'm nothing?" he asked and moved to kneel down in front of Jared. The words were breaking up, between high pitched breaths and tears breaking into almost sobs.
He was gone, he was done and no matter what he had just screamed at Jared, Jensen was going to beg anyway. "Please, Jared, don't leave me," he begged, clinging to Jared like he was the last thing he had in the world. "I didn't mean what I said and I didn't sleep with him, I don't love him. I don't know what you want hear, just tell me what to say!"
Tentatively, Jared lifted his hands from the ground and touched Jensen’s arms where they clung to him, almost as though in a daze. “You’re-you’re not leaving with him?” Jared’s hands suddenly moved, slid around Jensen’s back, arms cinching tightly, holding him captive. “Jen? Are you sure? I-I mean, really?”
Jensen was shaking and he forced air in and out of his lungs as he shook his head. "G-God no, Jared, he s-scares the living fuck out of me. I-I don't care if he's clean, I could never love him like that and even at our best, it wasn't even c-close to what you and I have." He didn't let go of Jared, instead his grip grew tighter as though he was afraid Jared was going to be up and gone all of a sudden.
Jared made a small, broken noise in the back of his throat and buried his face in Jensen’s neck, sobbing hard. “I-I was so sh-sure that I’d lost you. God, Jen, don’t leave me.” He clung tighter, pulling Jensen into his lap, just needing to feel connected, to assure himself of Jensen’s solid presence. “I love you so fucking m-much. Thought you were leaving m-me for h-him.”
Jensen buried his face against Jared and just let go, deep body racking sobs escaping him. “Th-thought you didn’t w-want me an-anymore,” he confessed as he wrapped his arms tightly around Jared, finding comfort in his boyfriend’s arms. “I-I’m sorry I talked to him, s-so s-sorry things got so messed up. I’d n-never hurt you. I-I swear to G-God nothing happened, p-please just b-believe me,” he begged. He didn't want Jared to think he was an asshole like that or untrustworthy. “Love you, can’t lose y-you.”
“O-okay,” Jared answered, hiccupping as he tried to slow and squash his tears. He’d never seen Jensen so upset and he had to get his act together if he was going to comfort him. “I b-believe you. I believe you, baby. Shh, shh, don’t cry.” He wiped his face on the shoulder of Jensen’s shirt and took several deep breaths, forcing himself to calm down. “You didn’t mess up. Jack-Jack got me so turned around, scared me, made me think you… did that, and I believed him. I’m so sorry, Jen. So sorry.” He rubbed his hands over Jensen’s back, trying to soothe him, reassure him that he was there. “Never leaving you again, I promise.”
Jensen couldn't let go of Jared; Jared gave him a reason to wake up in the morning. He didn't have to have his brains fucked out to feel something. He trusted Jared and he never had that type of faith in someone after Max. Jensen took in a deep breath but kept his eyes closed, trying to calm himself down. Between the HIV scare and this, he was holding in just about everything and it was all coming to a head. "I'm going to break that little fucker in two, I swear to God," he mumbled, his voice was tired and a lot softer taking comfort in Jared's words. "Not your fault either. I missed you so much, didn't know what to do with myself."
Jared cupped Jensen’s face between his hands, thumbs gently swiping tears from his cheeks. “Come home with me?” he asked softly, thumbs brushing tears out of Jensen’s lashes. “Just to sleep and cuddle,” he added quickly. “I mean. I just want to hold you against me while I sleep. I-I missed holding you, waking up beside you, you know? And, really, a parking lot isn’t the best place to have this kind of conversation.”
"Yeah, sounds good." Jensen opened his eyes to finally look at Jared and he nodded before nuzzling against him, just wanting the contact. He turned his head slightly and kissed the inside of Jared's palm before finally moving to push himself up and reaching down to help Jared up in the process. "I have my car, want me to drive?" he offered, he knew Jared was still shaking so being behind the wheel wasn't the best idea. Besides, he really wasn't willing to let Jared out of his sight even if it meant just being in two different cars.
“We’ll have to come back for one of them, so I’ll ride with you. I live about thirty minutes from here. I’ll give you directions as we go.” Jared leaned back against the truck and sighed heavily. He was rather glad that rehearsal had been cancelled for the following day, or else he’d have ended up stuck in a dirty costume and a mostly empty makeup case.
"Alright." Jensen knew that Jared wasn't a fan of driving and honestly he had never actually seen Jared drive. Jensen bit his bottom lip and wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt before reaching for Jared's hand to pull him towards his car. It was a little weird for Jensen, he never opened up to anyone like that. Jensen opened up to Jared because Jared talked about shit, let him feel important, the most important part of Jared’s life, and Jensen stayed calm in the face of most of the shit that came at them, but being faced with losing Jared was his finish line. "Come on, let's get out of here."
Jared’s fingers curled around Jensen’s, squeezing reassuringly as he followed Jensen to the car. It was sort of surreal; ever since he’d left Jared had been dreaming of Jensen demanding that he come back, telling him it was all a misunderstanding, he still loved him, and that was almost what had happened.
Once they drew up near the car, Jared tugged Jensen in, wrapped his arms around him and breathed deeply the scent that had haunted him since the night Jack broke their world apart. “I’ll make it up to you, I promise. God, it’s been hell trying to live without you, and I never want to put us through something like that again. I’m so sorry I put us through it to begin with.”
Jensen returned the hug, more than content to just hold Jared no matter where they were. He had spent so much time worrying about what he did to make Jared take off, running over every second they had spent together, that it was enough to drive him crazy. Then Terry and Misha had found out what really happened and somehow that felt even worse because he didn't know if Jared would believe him. Jensen may have walked around like he had it put together, but that obviously was not the case. Jared did love him, he believed him, and he trusted him; that meant more than anything to Jensen. "You don't have to do anything. Let’s just go home, that's all I need."
“I want to make it up to you, Jen. It’s my fault that we’re in this situation; if I hadn’t believed Jack, or if I’d have asked Jamie to tell me how you and Max acted together, none of this would’ve happened. So, please, let me make it up to you. It’ll ease my guilt.” Jared pressed a kiss to Jensen’s temple and eased back, a small, hopeful smile quivering on his lips.
Jensen pulled back a little and smiled softly. "As long as you let me make up for what I said," he said, because the look on Jared's face nearly killed him when the screaming started. "You know I didn't mean any of that, right? I was just mad," he explained. He’d been biting everyone's head off recently so it was no surprise that Jared would be on that list, too. "Just, please, don't ever do that again, just talk to me, you know? I mean, I know what Jack did, but I'm not him."
“First, you were right. I’m a self-centered prick, because I ran away to protect myself without trying to hear the story from you. I trust you with my life, Jen. I just-my heart is really fragile, especially since you’ve gotten so deep into it. Secondly, I know you’re nothing like Jack. I know you wouldn’t cheat on me, I knew it even while I was running away, but I let my fear take over.” Jared dropped his hands to his sides and pressed a kiss to Jensen’s forehead. “But, from now on, the only way I’m leaving is if you tell me to go.”
Jensen frowned and shook his head because he never saw Jared as self-centered. "No, you aren't, baby; you are so amazing. I wouldn't have gone through all this for someone who wasn't." Jared was always worried about him or someone else, people like that weren't assholes. "I’m never going to tell you to leave me. If ever there was a way to super glue me to your side, this was it." He could never go through this again for any reason.
Jared’s smile broadened and he clutched Jensen to him. There were still a few things they’d need to work through in order to make their relationship last, but they’d finally gotten the biggest hurdles out of the way. Jensen had a sense of closure with Max and Jared was starting to realize that Jensen was his and wouldn’t leave. It would take some time to get it all together and straightened out, but they were off to a good start. “Looks like I got my Prince Charming after all.”
Master Twelve
Author: yahnknshadows
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: slash, drug use, abuse, AIDS scare, drag shows, language
Pairing Jared/Jensen, J2/OMC
Total World Count: About 75k
Disclaimer: Lies, all lies!
Summary: Full summary to be found with Master Post
Music: Why Don't You and I? by Carlos Santana featuring Chad Kroeger
Beta: Let's all give a rousing round of applause to Sarah <3 <3 <3 <3! Thanks so much for your help, honey!
Master Post
Prologue Chapter One pt.I Chapter One pt.II Chapter 2 Chapter Three
Chapter Four Chapter Five Chapter Six pt.I Chapter Six pt. II
Chapter Seven pt. I Chapter Seven pt. II Chapter Eight Chapter Nine Chapter Ten
**** Keep an eye out for the next update for Chasing Prince Charming; it's almost over! :D ****
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Chapter 11: Curtain Call
Between Jensen, Misha and Terry, the old coffee house that had been contracted for the play had been watched almost twenty-four/seven. They worked out when the actors and stage crew got there, when they left, where they parked and where they came out of the building. Now it was up to Jensen, because Misha and Terry had sort of washed their hands of it now. Jensen had to agree with them; hiding from Jared wasn't going to do anything, and even if Jared didn't believe him, he needed to know what actually happened that night. Besides that, it was easier to face Jared knowing he hadn't left because he just didn't want Jensen anymore, which was what Jensen had thought at first.
Jensen was off to the side of the building where he could see Jared's truck but Jared wouldn't see him. He didn't know what he was going to say, really, and all he could think about was the fact that Jared would run from him. He couldn't handle that and Misha's idea of handcuffs seemed better and better as he waited for rehearsal to end.
Rehearsal had run later than usual due to the director demanding a full dress rehearsal, going over particularly hard scenes several times to make sure that everyone had their parts down and were completely off book and ready for opening night. Eight days until they opened, and Jared wasn’t even nervous, couldn’t really feel much beyond numbness and a vague sense of emptiness. Luckily, Jared was an accomplished actor and could hide his emotions and play up Millie’s excitement on stage, otherwise he’d have been cut from the show and another loss at the moment would’ve done more damage than good.
Jared sighed as he pushed his way out of the back entrance with a sigh. He was the last one out and he was tired, but then lately he was always tired, and he made his way to his truck with his cosmetics bag and costume slung over his shoulder. He had to take the dress to the dry cleaners and perhaps buy another shade of lipstick because the director kept bitching about his mouth disappearing in the lights.
Jensen saw Jared and came up short because he hadn't seen Jared in what felt like a really long time. He wanted to scream, actually, but he couldn't seem to get his mouth to move. He was never this scared or this nervous; Jensen prided himself on having his shit together. Now, of course, this was Jared they were talking about and it wasn't even close. He licked his lips and moved forward and spit out the first thing that popped into his head. "I wasn't fucking Max that night," he said, his voice bitter more for what the last few weeks had been like then at the man standing in front of him. "I wasn't fucking Max or anyone else but you the whole time, but whether you can believe that or not, I don't know."
“J-Jensen?” Jared stuttered as he whirled, eyes wide with surprise. “Wh-what are you doing here?” he asked stupidly, still trying to get his brain to take in the idea that Jensen was there instead of off having his fairytale romance.
"Tracking your ass down because you took off on me," Jensen shot back, still keeping his distance because he didn't expect Jared to really stay there but giving him space might keep him from running like a scared rabbit. "You could have just asked what happened that night; I was going to tell you when I got home anyway. I didn't have anything to hide because I didn't do anything with him."
Jared’s expression turned pained and he looked away. “I heard that you two were all over each other, and Jamie said you left with him. I don’t want to disbelieve you, but it’s kind of hard not to.” He backed towards his truck, but only made it a few steps before he stopped again. He dragged in a hitched breath and looked up at Jensen again, tear tracks making twin shining trails down his cheeks. “I want to believe you. I want to so badly, but what if I’m wrong? I don’t think I’d survive it if I was wrong again.”
Jensen just looked at him. As much as he loved Jared, he wanted to punch the living shit out of him. "What the fuck did I ever do you to make you think that you can't trust me?" he asked, his own pain showing on his face because was this what Jared thought of him? He was no better than Jack; he was a cheater, someone who lied to his face and went behind his back? That was hurtful and it was insulting. He didn't even care about Jared's tears because he had his own to match and he couldn't even understand what he was hearing at this point. "The only person that said I was all over Max was Jack; wake the fuck up, Jared, and put two and two together."
Head bowed, shoulders slumped; Jared took another step back. A little further and he’d be in his truck, could get back to his apartment, and try to keep moving. “I didn’t believe Jack, you know. That was why I called the club; I wanted to hear you tell me he was full of shit. But, you were gone. With Max.” Jared’s head came up and his brows drew together in a sad frown. “I’d already pushed another guy to cheat on me, so what else was I supposed to think, Jensen? Tell me what I’m supposed to think, what I was supposed to do? I tried to call you and you were gone with someone else. What was I supposed to think?”
Jensen looked away. "He's on the Twelve Step program, trying to stay clean," he said very softly. "H-he wanted to say he was sorry for everything that he did. The club wasn't the best place to talk about something like that." No one in the club knew about Max or what had happened between him and Jensen and he didn't want them to. More than that, Max wanted to actually talk to Jensen and Jensen was stupid enough to give in to people. "We stood at the front door and talked; that was it."
A heavy sigh rushed out of Jared’s mouth and he nodded. He closed his eyes, lashes fanning dark against his cheeks, and edged backward another step. “I’m happy for him, for you both, but I can’t hear this. God, I’m so-I’ve got to go.” His voice cracked on the last word and he turned, walking quickly to his truck.
"You know what, Jared, fuck you," Jensen yelled. "Maybe you're right, maybe we shouldn't be together. I understand I don't have the best track record with relationships, but I am not a fucking cheater. You really think that little of me, then what else can I say but fuck you, you self-centered fucking prick. All I'm doing is saying to you that nothing happened. I spent the last two weeks crying like a bitch, worrying about and hunting you down. You got your wires crossed and I'm not going to say I'm sorry for that and I sure the fuck am not going to stand here and beg you."
The truck door slammed on Jensen’s last word and Jared slumped against the side of the truck, hands braced on the cold steel of the truck body. He was shaking too hard to even think of trying to get in and put the key in the ignition, would probably wreck and kill himself if he tried to drive, so he just stood there, trying his best to hold himself together. His breath hitched and he gave up, rolling against the side of the truck so that he faced Jensen again. “At least I know what you really think of me now,” he said in a hollow voice, gutted of any and all emotion. “I guess I deserve it, all of it, because I don’t know what you’re talking about. You want me to say it’s okay for you to go back to Max? Fine, it’s okay. You want me to apologize for trying to protect myself? Okay, I’m sorry.” He closed his eyes and slid down to sit on the ground beside his truck, boneless and defeated. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”
In that moment, Jensen didn't know what to feel; he felt everything and nothing at once. Jensen shook his head and moved to close the distance between them. "Jared, how many different ways do I have to say Max and I are not together for you to get it through your head? Why are you so ready to throw us under the bus? Do I really mean so little to you that you would just throw me aside like I'm nothing?" he asked and moved to kneel down in front of Jared. The words were breaking up, between high pitched breaths and tears breaking into almost sobs.
He was gone, he was done and no matter what he had just screamed at Jared, Jensen was going to beg anyway. "Please, Jared, don't leave me," he begged, clinging to Jared like he was the last thing he had in the world. "I didn't mean what I said and I didn't sleep with him, I don't love him. I don't know what you want hear, just tell me what to say!"
Tentatively, Jared lifted his hands from the ground and touched Jensen’s arms where they clung to him, almost as though in a daze. “You’re-you’re not leaving with him?” Jared’s hands suddenly moved, slid around Jensen’s back, arms cinching tightly, holding him captive. “Jen? Are you sure? I-I mean, really?”
Jensen was shaking and he forced air in and out of his lungs as he shook his head. "G-God no, Jared, he s-scares the living fuck out of me. I-I don't care if he's clean, I could never love him like that and even at our best, it wasn't even c-close to what you and I have." He didn't let go of Jared, instead his grip grew tighter as though he was afraid Jared was going to be up and gone all of a sudden.
Jared made a small, broken noise in the back of his throat and buried his face in Jensen’s neck, sobbing hard. “I-I was so sh-sure that I’d lost you. God, Jen, don’t leave me.” He clung tighter, pulling Jensen into his lap, just needing to feel connected, to assure himself of Jensen’s solid presence. “I love you so fucking m-much. Thought you were leaving m-me for h-him.”
Jensen buried his face against Jared and just let go, deep body racking sobs escaping him. “Th-thought you didn’t w-want me an-anymore,” he confessed as he wrapped his arms tightly around Jared, finding comfort in his boyfriend’s arms. “I-I’m sorry I talked to him, s-so s-sorry things got so messed up. I’d n-never hurt you. I-I swear to G-God nothing happened, p-please just b-believe me,” he begged. He didn't want Jared to think he was an asshole like that or untrustworthy. “Love you, can’t lose y-you.”
“O-okay,” Jared answered, hiccupping as he tried to slow and squash his tears. He’d never seen Jensen so upset and he had to get his act together if he was going to comfort him. “I b-believe you. I believe you, baby. Shh, shh, don’t cry.” He wiped his face on the shoulder of Jensen’s shirt and took several deep breaths, forcing himself to calm down. “You didn’t mess up. Jack-Jack got me so turned around, scared me, made me think you… did that, and I believed him. I’m so sorry, Jen. So sorry.” He rubbed his hands over Jensen’s back, trying to soothe him, reassure him that he was there. “Never leaving you again, I promise.”
Jensen couldn't let go of Jared; Jared gave him a reason to wake up in the morning. He didn't have to have his brains fucked out to feel something. He trusted Jared and he never had that type of faith in someone after Max. Jensen took in a deep breath but kept his eyes closed, trying to calm himself down. Between the HIV scare and this, he was holding in just about everything and it was all coming to a head. "I'm going to break that little fucker in two, I swear to God," he mumbled, his voice was tired and a lot softer taking comfort in Jared's words. "Not your fault either. I missed you so much, didn't know what to do with myself."
Jared cupped Jensen’s face between his hands, thumbs gently swiping tears from his cheeks. “Come home with me?” he asked softly, thumbs brushing tears out of Jensen’s lashes. “Just to sleep and cuddle,” he added quickly. “I mean. I just want to hold you against me while I sleep. I-I missed holding you, waking up beside you, you know? And, really, a parking lot isn’t the best place to have this kind of conversation.”
"Yeah, sounds good." Jensen opened his eyes to finally look at Jared and he nodded before nuzzling against him, just wanting the contact. He turned his head slightly and kissed the inside of Jared's palm before finally moving to push himself up and reaching down to help Jared up in the process. "I have my car, want me to drive?" he offered, he knew Jared was still shaking so being behind the wheel wasn't the best idea. Besides, he really wasn't willing to let Jared out of his sight even if it meant just being in two different cars.
“We’ll have to come back for one of them, so I’ll ride with you. I live about thirty minutes from here. I’ll give you directions as we go.” Jared leaned back against the truck and sighed heavily. He was rather glad that rehearsal had been cancelled for the following day, or else he’d have ended up stuck in a dirty costume and a mostly empty makeup case.
"Alright." Jensen knew that Jared wasn't a fan of driving and honestly he had never actually seen Jared drive. Jensen bit his bottom lip and wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt before reaching for Jared's hand to pull him towards his car. It was a little weird for Jensen, he never opened up to anyone like that. Jensen opened up to Jared because Jared talked about shit, let him feel important, the most important part of Jared’s life, and Jensen stayed calm in the face of most of the shit that came at them, but being faced with losing Jared was his finish line. "Come on, let's get out of here."
Jared’s fingers curled around Jensen’s, squeezing reassuringly as he followed Jensen to the car. It was sort of surreal; ever since he’d left Jared had been dreaming of Jensen demanding that he come back, telling him it was all a misunderstanding, he still loved him, and that was almost what had happened.
Once they drew up near the car, Jared tugged Jensen in, wrapped his arms around him and breathed deeply the scent that had haunted him since the night Jack broke their world apart. “I’ll make it up to you, I promise. God, it’s been hell trying to live without you, and I never want to put us through something like that again. I’m so sorry I put us through it to begin with.”
Jensen returned the hug, more than content to just hold Jared no matter where they were. He had spent so much time worrying about what he did to make Jared take off, running over every second they had spent together, that it was enough to drive him crazy. Then Terry and Misha had found out what really happened and somehow that felt even worse because he didn't know if Jared would believe him. Jensen may have walked around like he had it put together, but that obviously was not the case. Jared did love him, he believed him, and he trusted him; that meant more than anything to Jensen. "You don't have to do anything. Let’s just go home, that's all I need."
“I want to make it up to you, Jen. It’s my fault that we’re in this situation; if I hadn’t believed Jack, or if I’d have asked Jamie to tell me how you and Max acted together, none of this would’ve happened. So, please, let me make it up to you. It’ll ease my guilt.” Jared pressed a kiss to Jensen’s temple and eased back, a small, hopeful smile quivering on his lips.
Jensen pulled back a little and smiled softly. "As long as you let me make up for what I said," he said, because the look on Jared's face nearly killed him when the screaming started. "You know I didn't mean any of that, right? I was just mad," he explained. He’d been biting everyone's head off recently so it was no surprise that Jared would be on that list, too. "Just, please, don't ever do that again, just talk to me, you know? I mean, I know what Jack did, but I'm not him."
“First, you were right. I’m a self-centered prick, because I ran away to protect myself without trying to hear the story from you. I trust you with my life, Jen. I just-my heart is really fragile, especially since you’ve gotten so deep into it. Secondly, I know you’re nothing like Jack. I know you wouldn’t cheat on me, I knew it even while I was running away, but I let my fear take over.” Jared dropped his hands to his sides and pressed a kiss to Jensen’s forehead. “But, from now on, the only way I’m leaving is if you tell me to go.”
Jensen frowned and shook his head because he never saw Jared as self-centered. "No, you aren't, baby; you are so amazing. I wouldn't have gone through all this for someone who wasn't." Jared was always worried about him or someone else, people like that weren't assholes. "I’m never going to tell you to leave me. If ever there was a way to super glue me to your side, this was it." He could never go through this again for any reason.
Jared’s smile broadened and he clutched Jensen to him. There were still a few things they’d need to work through in order to make their relationship last, but they’d finally gotten the biggest hurdles out of the way. Jensen had a sense of closure with Max and Jared was starting to realize that Jensen was his and wouldn’t leave. It would take some time to get it all together and straightened out, but they were off to a good start. “Looks like I got my Prince Charming after all.”
Master Twelve