Today felt like one of those races where you pass the baton, but it was me running to meet me. So it was team Christine! Doesn't that have a nice ring to it? Today an outside source encouraged me to continue my practice of dating, take things slowly and find people I have a connection with to sleep with. Which may sound normal, normal that is to ( Read more... )

I changed my layout.. I'm not 100% happy with it, but it's a hell of a lot better than the scotch glass I had filled with fire and water! It didn't occur to me until yesterday that I had picked that picture when I was an actively drinking. So yeah... it's a little out dated. My livejournal has been a little out dated too. Recently two people have ( Read more... )

Tonight I realized I am terrified of dating anyone that I really feel any sort of remote connection to. Mostly, because I don't really know what dating IS. I mean what do you DO? It just doesn't interest me. Or maybe, what I mean to say is that alot of people don't interest me and I'm finding that when not drinking (read: drunk) that becomes ( Read more... )

Lately I've been feeling a little depressed. I've spent the past year in not only survival, but awakening. Getting used to Being in the world without removing myself from it when I felt uncomfortable, which was 90 percent of the time. Only now am I able to start to be honest with myself and with those around me. I'm beginning to recognize that I ( Read more... )

Has it really been 11 weeks since I last updated. Crazy, I remember when it felt like the only thing that existed was me and my livejournal.  I'm happy I don't feel that way anymore.  I spent so many years living and breathing in darkness and now I can say that I'm breathing in everything including light and all other manors of shade.  I can really ( Read more... )

Wednesday I went to a hiring to determine if I would have to pay back 900 bucks to unemployment. I sat in a very small office me and an administrative judge and a recorder. Once again the media failed to prepare me for something.  The court room did not look like a court room..it was an small office!!! And the judge spoke like a machine...no, ( Read more... )

Last night I had this dream that involved a concert, my hometown, transporting my girlfriends moms dead body, and me drinking a beer while sitting in the passenger seat. There was such havoc that I didn't notice I was drinking a beer until it was empty. I felt a slight buzz and then realized what I had down. I resolved to not tell anyone since it ( Read more... )

My jaw hurts.. I've chewed way too much gum which is okay because hey, at least I'm not smoking ( Read more... )

I find myself day dreaming about each new lesbian I meet. No matter what age I still manage to finagle a fantasy. Each day I have a new lover and we live out an entire relationship within a matter of minuets. The ache is so intense that I feel like they can see what's happening inside my head. The funny part is that I feel contented by these day ( Read more... )

I suppose for the most part I'm pretty unassuming.  Nothing about the way I dress is interesting. Jeans and sweaters mostly, nothing flashy. I say this only because I like the pretty tatooed flashy stylish girls and the dykes who wear hats and always seem to look effortlessly cool.  I had coffee the other day with this girl who volunteers at my ( Read more... )