Last night I dreamed about meeting Sara...the Sara I had imagined. And she kept taking the wrong trains so we kept going in the wrong direction, but I wouldn't give up.  I even talked Erin into letting me borrow her car so I could find Sara. My mind is trying to find my imaginary friend. Recently I've been thinking about lying. I once told Bob that ( Read more... )

My housemate Mark has allowed his family to come and stay with us and each time they become a little more obnoxious.  They've been here since Thursday and Mark isn't even home half the time!!!  Bob (my other housemate) suggested we tell Mark that his family is not welcome here. That maybe Mark might even feel relieved to hear us say it.   The ( Read more... )

I should be sleeping, but I still haven't learned to play the keyboard yet. So my fingers can only pound the keys of my laptop. It comforts me.  He told me to swallow down that bit of pity stuck in my throat. She asked for it.  Threading her lies through the phone wires and then trying to call collect.  Do not accept the call he said.  But, where ( Read more... )

When I was a little girl I would point at something I didn't know the name of and say "What it is!" rather than What is it?. My mother said this was how she knew I was a soul child. Today I am cultivating the little soul child within me ( Read more... )

Crazy. it's kind of amazing to me that I haven't been keeping up on my journal since it's been like my best friend since...2003 (I think ( Read more... )

my eyes are in shock ( Read more... )

I'm finally reading to talk again I think. So much has been happening that the idea of a real update seems a little daunting. My life is starting to become full of possibilities. I have so very much to be grateful for and so many beautiful people in it. On the 22nd I will have 6 months clean and sober. It's pretty incredible to me that I'm able to ( Read more... )

I read our old love letters this morning and recalled it all

All your hesitation

All my hesitation

And just before getting sucked into that rabbit hole of desire
that no longer serves me
my minds eye regenerated the glow of pink and white candles on Saturday

Lit after spotting a mirage or miracle
which is said to reside in the ( Read more... )

More and more I feel less and less the need to explain myself to people. I'm writing lots of poetry lately and still missing ex's ( Read more... )

My head has been traveling to all of these new places. And I've started wearing makeup sometimes to enhance what my reflection in the mirror.  So when I look at myself I smile.  I've never really done anything for myself like I have been lately. I think of clothes I'd like to wear or what I'd like to eat for the week. Without thinking of impressing ( Read more... )