... Undeterred, Dude holds onto her hand. Oh, Jay thinks to herself, and pretends she knew what he was doing the whole time. The walk is pleasant, and they pass a used bookstore tucked away on a far corner and decide to go inside.

... They walk down the street together, talking animatedly, and pass an Irish pub that has loud music emanating out front door left ajar. Jay smiles. "You down?" she asks.

"Giddyup," Dude replies.

Browsing past the magazine rack, Jay points a glossy out and says, "Hey, I once worked for this rag!" Dude looks up, an incredulous look crossing his brow.

"You actually worked for that?" he asks with disdain. Jay looks at him as if he were chum.

"Uh, yeah. And it was fucking awesome. You've never read it ( Read more... )

... Jay, who absolutely abhors scary movies solely because she's a big sissy and they actually scare the shit out of her, groans inwardly.

"I've got Saw 2 on DVD. It’s the best," Dude says. "C'mon, my apartment isn’t far. Plus, we’ve got a projector. It'll be sweet ( Read more... )

... Oh my God, Jay thinks to herself. What. THE FUCK. Sweatpants? Again?? This is some kind of epidemic hitting the male population. This is ridiculous. I have to leave.

"You ready for one awesome movie?" he asks. Jay...

smiles and changes the subject. "Let’s go get a drink instead" OR stays put

... At the bar they throw darts, which Jay sucks at but really likes playing. The drinks keep coming. It's two-for-one night, and Jay, a sucker for vodka sodas, tries to keep up as much as her Asianness allows. She drinks so much, in fact, that she...

gets drunk and takes him home OR ends up having a really good time with Dude.

... They end up dating for three years, he proposes with a ghetto-blaster over his head like John Cusack in Say Anything, and...

they end up having a 3-room house and 2.5 kids in the suburbs OR Jay is so furious with him for proposing that way that she throws rocks at him and his stupid boombox.

... Three years of dating and he proposes with a scene from a movie?? Jay drops him like a baby in a Dumpster. A few months down the road Jay runs into an old college friend who takes her home...

... Five years later, the marriage is on the rocks. Their kids are delinquents who like to set fire to inanimate objects. Jay becomes addicted to online gambling and loses all the money she made selling The Great American Novel, and she finds out that Dude has been cheating on her with a toothless Vietnamese hooker for the past six months. It's too ( Read more... )

... gets drunk, and ends up imbibing so much wine that she...

takes him home OR stealthily text messages her guy friend to call her with a fake emergency and escort her home