I've been on severe auto-pilot for the last month or so. Some of it is drugs, just enjoying the lack of any real drama because mood stabilizers mean never having to think about things that upset you for more than a minute or so. And some of it is my (now former) work schedule enabling my bed-at-5, sleep-till-noon tendencies. But I have to snap out ( Read more... )

Today was horrible. And then wonderful. And then horrible. And then wonderful. And then stayed pretty damn wonderful. Horrible's coming again, but I'm choosing to focus on wonderful for as long as I can.

This has been one of the longest, most pointless-yet-terrifying days in a very long time for me. Waiting for phone calls from my former and current employers to see when the first is going to pay me what they owe me and the second is going to let me start working. Waiting to find out just how much of a financial shitstorm I'm going to find myself ( Read more... )

Hey, I just remembered that this thing has a private setting so that I can get all the hyperemotional nonsense out of my head without hand cramps! And I thought I'd miss those little Journeys notebooks that helped me be semi-sane. Now I just have to convince myself that hand-written journals are for thirteen-year-olds and this somehow isn't...

I...had a really nice day today. Nothing major, just a good day from beginning to early, doping-up-and-getting-a-couple-of-extra-hours-of-sleep end. I haven't had many of those in the past couple of months, and I find I talk about them even less, so...that's all. Just wanted to give credit where it's due amidst all the whininess, and thank two of ( Read more... )

I've been falling so long, it feels like gravity's gone and I'm just floating.

What ought to be ought not to be so hard.

It ain't the first time I've been outgrown.

The future’s closing in quicker than you think.

I love that music can still kick my ass. I keep worrying that as I move through my 30's, I'm just going to wake up one day and realize that I just want background noise, or that putting in the effort to listen to new stuff as opposed to the literally hundreds and hundreds of artists that are already stuck in my brain will just become too much of a ( Read more... )

I don't think it's any big secret (particularly not to the half dozen of you that read this) that I spent the bulk of my 20's in some form of rehab. Most programs are big on the concept of a "moment of clarity" - some occurrence in your life that forcefully clears away the haze of addiction or illness and makes you fully aware of the scope of your ( Read more... )

Not the free booze, believe it or not. Not the free...other stuff either. Not the knowledge that, for at least a few days, the man who "made" Michael Jackson thought we were worth throwing money at. Not even the drug-assisted manly physique ( Read more... )

So, voices in your head are normal, right? Like even if they're telling you to, you know, do...things?

Yeah, I'm having a strange few days...