ok so i haven't updated this in quite a while. i figured i would write out my ambitions and goals in regard to college, and then in a while i can look back and see which i've achieved and which i haven't. so last week i applied to three colleges-- binghamton, albany, and stony brook. my heart is really in the stony brook option, so i'll probably ( Read more... )

i always want the ones i can't have

i don't know, i have a lot to say but i'm not quite sure how to. lately it seems like i've been alienating myself more than usual with my sometimes unnecessary negativity. it just seems like i've always been negative but i've been pushing it more and more seeing how much i could actually get away with. this week it finally blew up and a few ( Read more... )

ok i just watched an hbo movie about mathew shephard. i'm assuming, or at least hoping you all know the story behind that tragic event so i won't devulge in details. i have never cried so much in my life. it was like an hour and a half of just crying. it was pretty intense to say the least. i don't really know what to even say, what IS there ( Read more... )

it seems like i haven't updated in forever. i guess my life has become relatively tedious and so i lacked any opportunity for a meaningful update. i suppose i still do, but i felt the urge. i've been feeling so depressed. it's like everything in this town has become a cliche. i can't keep living here. i feel like that movie grounhog's day, ( Read more... )

so much for making amends. tonight drama just blew up. i guess that's what happens though. i guess i was trying to live a lie. i am not a nice guy, deep down i'm incredibly mean spirited. maybe i should just let that flow a little more and not try to compensate for it. all i know is the amend making is now officially over. i'm going to be ( Read more... )

jesus christ i need to do something meaningful with my life

it feels like i haven't updated in here in a long time. so not much new lately. i'm kinda back with adam rice, and i'm sure i'm just repeating a mistake, but something draws me to him. he thinks he can boss me around, he thinks he's calling the shots, i'm just not used to that and it's strangely luring me in. i play it cool, and give the most ( Read more... )

i don't know--that seems to be my catchphrase for the week. it seems like everyday is the same. i hate ruts. it's a tragedy when life seems routine. it just all repeats itself, i can't keep a guy for more than a week apparently, i just get drunk or something usually, i daydream all the time, things just are not working out like i saw them. i'm ( Read more... )

so i haven't updated in a while. reading my last post made me laugh, what a fool i can be. i can't date people, everytime i try they always end up telling my i'm crazy. i suppose i do have a lot of problems i need to work out before i try dating. there is someone new in my life though...but i don't want a fall back plan. i'm just going to take ( Read more... )