i'm writing this more as a way to get recurrent thoughts out of my head rather than a bitchy, feel sorry for me entry. i just feel like i gotta write this out and maybe some of it will go away
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Everyone feels like this at times, I think. Even if they are one of those fucking cheerleaders for life that seems to smile and be more chipper than a chipmunk every fucking day even when the world around them is crumbling at their feet. I will get into one of those moods where all I can think about is the inevitable...one day I will die. One day, the people that are closest to me, and that I care about the most...won't be here anymore. And there isn't a damn thing I can do about it. Sure, my life is boring. I work a 9-5, get weekends off and every other friday too. I quit going to school. I have so little motivation to actually pursue something that society considers meaningful...even though there are so many things that I would love to learn. School just really isn't something I can do right now, and maybe not ever. Sometimes I feel useless...I think that what you felt or are still feeling, is normal. I can't tell you how many times I wish I could go back and relive grammar school, and highschool...I know it sounds so cliche, but
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if i knew how to stop it, my post would be better.
but guaranteed, you're the first person i'd tell.
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