today is the day to say goodbye. and i've been in anticipation of this day for so long, it'd be silly of me to run away. needless to say, i didn't sleep well last night, but slept in 'til 7 pm.

professional dress, every day. none of this business-casual stuff.joey was great yesterday. he told me he expected a good cry. no pretending and no fluff ( Read more... )

I am up so early this morning. I don't know when I stopped sleeping or what caused it. I think it might have been the one-week mark. Or maybe it is because Julius is lonely and enjoys spending time with me at all hours of the night. I was so stressed out about not having the opportunity to sleep at institute in LA for the upcoming 6 weeks. Maybe, ( Read more... )

i refuse to let this affect me ( Read more... )

god mother fucking dammit. no interview. he just didn't goddamn call. and it is the one school i wanted to work at. and jeremiah gets a call last night. desires and realities were never meant to actually match.

but julius is fucking adorable.

i feel sick sick sick ( Read more... )

Because my parents left at 3 pm today with most of my stuff and my cat. And my room feels completely empty and I have no one to call and no one to be with. And so I lay down on my bathroom floor as Julius purrs and plays with my toes and I feel immobilized ( Read more... )

Because I am not a ticking death bomb ( Read more... )

my heart rushed forward last night. i realized i was leaving.
my heart gasped this morning. i realized they were gone.

you can never prepare for these feelings.
you can't do anything to deter them.
or make them less severe.

you'll always regret not saying something more.

enjoy yourself, kiddos. i'll miss you.

don't forget to write home.

for the first time i understood myself today.

she told me, for people like us, it feels good to love and care for someone.
she told me that it is not like that for most other people.

and its just who i am.
and why not?

when i lose a friend, i feel alone

when i lose a friend of a friend, i feel bewildered

when i lose a brother of a friend, i feel shocked

when i lose a father of a friend, i feel terrified

what do i need to lose to feel sad?