Right now I am sitting in the bathroom, which belongs to a new apartment on 5th and University. The bath mat was bought just yesterday, to bring out the color in the walls. I am watching my new cat, Guadelupe (or Pita, if you prefer the short version). I am typing on a faster, leaner version of what used to be the ibook. Looking in the mirror, my ( Read more... )

ok. so heres the kicker. i moved in w this boy. i promised this boy i would marry him in 8 months. and now my gut turns just kissing him. sadly i hope he is cheating to give meaning to all of this.

newspaper. case 5: he ditched our tennis date to play an emergency game of basketball w carina only to return back 15 min late and pretend as if nothing happened. case 6: upon telling him that i was feeling jealous, he yelled and became defensive because 'obviously' i don't trust him. i suppose i should own up to the fact that i don't.

he walks in and i have to hide. ours is not a healthy relationship where he knows how i feel. mostly because i am afraid to tell him. afraid he'll call me untrusting or 'extreme'. i live in fear of my own emotions. let me explain. for awhile now i have had suspisions of the 'other' woman. i have no confirmation yet. all i have are some very sneeky ( Read more... )

So the boy is 30 and counting. each day that passes by only helps to reinforce the age. He listens to led zeppelin and kansas and all good things that I deem as shit 90% of the time. But more importantly, thr the n

I have ignored this, though it has been something less than systematic and something more of forgetful ( Read more... )

i have sunk so very very low ( Read more... )

This all feels a bit like middle school. I think this is how I felt in 7th grade. Exactly how I felt in 7th grade. And we keep saying we never want to go back there ( Read more... )

can't sleep, clowns will eat me ( Read more... )

i finished the last goodbye at about 11:45 tonight. i'm not sure whether i felt relieved or sad. i took a shower afterward and didn't think much about anything. so that's good.

despite my uncertain emotions, i definitely feel loved.

5 hours. and they should be devoted (mostly) to sleep.