[Fanfiction:] Too Much Part II (One-Shot)
Title: Too much (Part II)
Pairing: Tegomass
Genre: ANGST
Rating: Completely safe
Disclaimer: If I owned them, they'd be in Sweden next weekend, for sure v.v
Summery: Tegoshi changed and didn't just lose himself in the progress, but also Massu
A/N: It's somehow Tegoshi-centric from Massu's POV XDDD Yes, that makes sense *löl*
This is the sequel, or something like that, to this One-Shot I've posted a while ago. Same story again, just from Massu's point of view. You don't necessarily need to have read the first one to understand this, but well, they somehow fit each other... ^^
Have fun *ironical laugh* ^^;;
Too much, Masuda thought, meant that he couldn’t take it anymore.
He wasn’t impatient or something, he had always been caring, gentle and understanding. But at some point he had reached his limit and now, he wasn’t able to go on like before.
When it came to Tegoshi, he had always been weak; from the very first moment on. He had seemed so lost when they had first met; looking around as if he was afraid of everyone, staring up at Yamashita and Nishikido, as if they were some kind of Gods. And Tegoshi had looked even more lost when Nishikido had rudely asked him who he was, unable to answer properly.
Masuda had had to go over and reassure that lost boy a bit; make him more comfortable.
Massu, he thought, was what would always be Tegoshi’s. He had returned the smile and had said then: “Thank you, Massu.”
For a moment they had stared at each other; Tegoshi had seemed a little bit shocked by what had escaped his lips, but then, Masuda could not have helped it but to laugh. At that moment, he had known that Tegoshi wasn’t lost and innocent. He had just been insecure and shy around the others.
By now, he was Massu to everyone; not many people were still calling him by his real name, not even the fans. He was Massu; someone Tegoshi had created, probably.
The brunette sat in his room, he had cleaned everything, trying to distract his mind, but now there was nothing left to do.
In a few hours he’d have to go to rehearsals for their upcoming lives and he wasn’t sure yet how he would handle the situation.
It was difficult, since he knew he had hurt Tegoshi; but he himself was hurt, too.
The pain was hard to take, almost impossible. When he had woken up early this morning he had wished he could turn back the time and erase that moment when he had said those things to Tegoshi.
They had been best friends, but to Masuda it somehow felt as if they had broken up. Like lovers that were struggling in their relationship and couldn’t go on together anymore.
They didn’t have the same pace. Tegoshi had changed, for sure, but that was not the only reason. It was also Masuda’s own pace, his own way of handling them. It was him, who had never changed the slightest bit.
Tegoshi hadn’t changed in a bad way. Actually, to Masuda, he hadn’t changed that much, he had just become more carefree and daring around the others. Basically, Tegoshi had always been like that, he had just never been able to show it off.
But with becoming older, prettier, more popular and daring, Tegoshi had found that it was okay to be that way; that the others liked him like that.
With Tegoshi becoming older, prettier, more popular and daring, Masuda had just been falling even deeper in love with him.
That was probably the only reason why things were too much, why he couldn’t go on anymore.
But how could he tell Tegoshi? It was easier to let him think it was because they had grown apart. Because they didn’t spend time together as they used to anymore.
It was easier and even though it was hurting, it was probably less painful than telling Tegoshi the truth.
He had realized it a few days ago, when Koyama had said in an interview that he found Tegoshi adorable and that he was the one he got along with best. Masuda had realized that it had pierced his heart; that he had been jealous.
He was the one who got along the best with Tegoshi, wasn’t he? They had been best friends since the very beginning, hadn’t they? How came Koyama had taken that place? How came, Tegoshi hadn’t stood over at Masuda’s for months now? How came there was such a huge gap between them?
Masuda couldn’t answer those questions; he could only blame himself for not making Tegoshi stay by his side, for not being able to keep up with him.
He wished he had realized his feelings earlier, when he still had a chance to confess without being afraid to scare Tegoshi off.
Those times, when they had shared so much.
When they had been always together, innocently holding hands without even noticing it, when Tegoshi had told him how much he liked him, because Massu was always there for him.
When they had shared a meal, just because they both knew Tegoshi wouldn’t eat all of it, so it was only logical to share it with Massu. When they had been sharing their thoughts on everything. When they had even shared a bed, at times, when Tegoshi had fallen asleep while watching TV, next to Masuda, his head resting against the older one’s shoulder.
Those had been the times when Masuda should have gotten aware of his feelings for Tegoshi, when he should have realized that he loved no one else like the younger one.
But, of course, Masuda thought now and stared out of the window, watching the rain drops pouring against the glass, he had only realized it when it had been too late.
You always only realize how much you treasure something when you’re about to lose it, isn’t it like that?
He had started to lose Tegoshi long ago and now he couldn’t go back anymore, he couldn’t do anything to win him back.
“What do you mean, you don’t want me to treat you like that anymore?”, Tegoshi had asked in confusion after Masuda had rejected him yesterday, as he had wanted to hug the older one; not understanding what was going on.
“It’s too much”, Masuda had answered, hoping Tegoshi wouldn’t see how much it hurt to say that. “You’re not the one I used to know anymore.”
It had been a lie, the worst lie ever. Tegoshi hadn’t answered, not able to and too shocked.
Masuda had had to force himself to turn around and leave. To not take Tegoshi into his arms and stop him from looking so damn hurt. It was better this way.
“We’ve somehow lost each other, Tegoshi, and I don’t think we can go back to where we’ve been.” He had turned his back to the younger one, leaving him behind. “I’m sorry.”
With that in mind, Masuda sat at home now, looking out of the window and wondering if he had made a mistake.
But losing Tegoshi like that; seeing him walking his own ways, taking other people beside him more important than him, was something Masuda couldn’t take.
He couldn’t possibly pretend it didn’t affect him at all. He couldn’t watch it and say it was alright.
Things weren’t alright at all.
“Tesshi…”, he murmured, voice regretful and heavy with pain.
He had helped Tegoshi becoming himself, to break out of his shell and had always watched over him, a smile tracing his lips whenever Tegoshi had improved. But in the progress Masuda had lost Tegoshi.
The only person he had ever truly loved.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thanks so much for reading <3 ^^
Pairing: Tegomass
Genre: ANGST
Rating: Completely safe
Disclaimer: If I owned them, they'd be in Sweden next weekend, for sure v.v
Summery: Tegoshi changed and didn't just lose himself in the progress, but also Massu
A/N: It's somehow Tegoshi-centric from Massu's POV XDDD Yes, that makes sense *löl*
This is the sequel, or something like that, to this One-Shot I've posted a while ago. Same story again, just from Massu's point of view. You don't necessarily need to have read the first one to understand this, but well, they somehow fit each other... ^^
Have fun *ironical laugh* ^^;;
Too much, Masuda thought, meant that he couldn’t take it anymore.
He wasn’t impatient or something, he had always been caring, gentle and understanding. But at some point he had reached his limit and now, he wasn’t able to go on like before.
When it came to Tegoshi, he had always been weak; from the very first moment on. He had seemed so lost when they had first met; looking around as if he was afraid of everyone, staring up at Yamashita and Nishikido, as if they were some kind of Gods. And Tegoshi had looked even more lost when Nishikido had rudely asked him who he was, unable to answer properly.
Masuda had had to go over and reassure that lost boy a bit; make him more comfortable.
Massu, he thought, was what would always be Tegoshi’s. He had returned the smile and had said then: “Thank you, Massu.”
For a moment they had stared at each other; Tegoshi had seemed a little bit shocked by what had escaped his lips, but then, Masuda could not have helped it but to laugh. At that moment, he had known that Tegoshi wasn’t lost and innocent. He had just been insecure and shy around the others.
By now, he was Massu to everyone; not many people were still calling him by his real name, not even the fans. He was Massu; someone Tegoshi had created, probably.
The brunette sat in his room, he had cleaned everything, trying to distract his mind, but now there was nothing left to do.
In a few hours he’d have to go to rehearsals for their upcoming lives and he wasn’t sure yet how he would handle the situation.
It was difficult, since he knew he had hurt Tegoshi; but he himself was hurt, too.
The pain was hard to take, almost impossible. When he had woken up early this morning he had wished he could turn back the time and erase that moment when he had said those things to Tegoshi.
They had been best friends, but to Masuda it somehow felt as if they had broken up. Like lovers that were struggling in their relationship and couldn’t go on together anymore.
They didn’t have the same pace. Tegoshi had changed, for sure, but that was not the only reason. It was also Masuda’s own pace, his own way of handling them. It was him, who had never changed the slightest bit.
Tegoshi hadn’t changed in a bad way. Actually, to Masuda, he hadn’t changed that much, he had just become more carefree and daring around the others. Basically, Tegoshi had always been like that, he had just never been able to show it off.
But with becoming older, prettier, more popular and daring, Tegoshi had found that it was okay to be that way; that the others liked him like that.
With Tegoshi becoming older, prettier, more popular and daring, Masuda had just been falling even deeper in love with him.
That was probably the only reason why things were too much, why he couldn’t go on anymore.
But how could he tell Tegoshi? It was easier to let him think it was because they had grown apart. Because they didn’t spend time together as they used to anymore.
It was easier and even though it was hurting, it was probably less painful than telling Tegoshi the truth.
He had realized it a few days ago, when Koyama had said in an interview that he found Tegoshi adorable and that he was the one he got along with best. Masuda had realized that it had pierced his heart; that he had been jealous.
He was the one who got along the best with Tegoshi, wasn’t he? They had been best friends since the very beginning, hadn’t they? How came Koyama had taken that place? How came, Tegoshi hadn’t stood over at Masuda’s for months now? How came there was such a huge gap between them?
Masuda couldn’t answer those questions; he could only blame himself for not making Tegoshi stay by his side, for not being able to keep up with him.
He wished he had realized his feelings earlier, when he still had a chance to confess without being afraid to scare Tegoshi off.
Those times, when they had shared so much.
When they had been always together, innocently holding hands without even noticing it, when Tegoshi had told him how much he liked him, because Massu was always there for him.
When they had shared a meal, just because they both knew Tegoshi wouldn’t eat all of it, so it was only logical to share it with Massu. When they had been sharing their thoughts on everything. When they had even shared a bed, at times, when Tegoshi had fallen asleep while watching TV, next to Masuda, his head resting against the older one’s shoulder.
Those had been the times when Masuda should have gotten aware of his feelings for Tegoshi, when he should have realized that he loved no one else like the younger one.
But, of course, Masuda thought now and stared out of the window, watching the rain drops pouring against the glass, he had only realized it when it had been too late.
You always only realize how much you treasure something when you’re about to lose it, isn’t it like that?
He had started to lose Tegoshi long ago and now he couldn’t go back anymore, he couldn’t do anything to win him back.
“What do you mean, you don’t want me to treat you like that anymore?”, Tegoshi had asked in confusion after Masuda had rejected him yesterday, as he had wanted to hug the older one; not understanding what was going on.
“It’s too much”, Masuda had answered, hoping Tegoshi wouldn’t see how much it hurt to say that. “You’re not the one I used to know anymore.”
It had been a lie, the worst lie ever. Tegoshi hadn’t answered, not able to and too shocked.
Masuda had had to force himself to turn around and leave. To not take Tegoshi into his arms and stop him from looking so damn hurt. It was better this way.
“We’ve somehow lost each other, Tegoshi, and I don’t think we can go back to where we’ve been.” He had turned his back to the younger one, leaving him behind. “I’m sorry.”
With that in mind, Masuda sat at home now, looking out of the window and wondering if he had made a mistake.
But losing Tegoshi like that; seeing him walking his own ways, taking other people beside him more important than him, was something Masuda couldn’t take.
He couldn’t possibly pretend it didn’t affect him at all. He couldn’t watch it and say it was alright.
Things weren’t alright at all.
“Tesshi…”, he murmured, voice regretful and heavy with pain.
He had helped Tegoshi becoming himself, to break out of his shell and had always watched over him, a smile tracing his lips whenever Tegoshi had improved. But in the progress Masuda had lost Tegoshi.
The only person he had ever truly loved.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thanks so much for reading <3 ^^