LJ Idol Exhibit B Week 1

[yuniebaby]

Written as an intersection with majesticarky

James Everett Wight steps up to the plate like he means it. Every player's dream. And worst nightmare. Bottom of the ninth. Bases loaded. Two outs. Down by three. And Nathan's up to bat yet and, God love him, he can't hit to save his life. James's grip on the bat is sure as he raises it over his right shoulder, not

Comments

[adoptedwriter]

Yay! Baseball! AW

[yuniebaby]

^_^

[notodette]

I really liked this! It gives a true account of what a baseball came is like for a young kid! Makes it super serious, then light. Very nice with the background descriptions, too, the shouts from the crowd and the inner-monologues.

[yuniebaby]

Thank you!

[myrna_bird]

Enjoyed this. I could feel his satisfaction!

[yuniebaby]

Thanks! ^_^

[michikatinski]

I love me a good ballgame story. :-D

[yuniebaby]

I'm glad you enjoyed it!

[unmowngrass]

I loved the pacing of this piece! You clearly conveyed the atmosphere of the live sports and the seriousness with which children play the game.

However, personally (as a non-American who knows nothing about baseball), it seems to me like maybe there's just a little bit too much assumed knowledge of the sport? I thought stepping up to the plate is the same thing as being up to bat? Therefore, I spent some time confused thinking you'd made a typo, and needing to re-read a couple of times to know that that isn't what you meant. I'm sorry if this comes across as hyper-critical. Like I said, the pace and tone of the piece were both excellent, and I enjoyed reading it.

[_rabidwombat_]

You were right. That's exactly what "stepping up to the plate" means (being at bat). :)

[yuniebaby]

Sorry for the confusion. I did mean that he had stepped up to the plate and was ready to bat.

Thank you for the feedback!