The Short Second Life Of Bree Tanner: Part 1
ZeldaQueen: And now it's time to start the story proper! Hooray!
Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...
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Part 1
ZeldaQueen: We are eased into the story in Meyer's standard first person whine-a-thon as Bree, our protagonist (in the loosest sense of the word, I'm sure) tells us how she's looking at a newspaper headline about the death toll spiking in Seattle. She mentions how the paper must have just been delivered, before implying that it was good for the delivery boy's health that he was not still around. She then thinks that Riley will "blow a gasket" over this spike of deaths and will likely rip off someone's arm for this, making a mental note to keep out of the way so it won't be her.
...Wait. She has violent thoughts towards humans, is familiar with Riley, and casually thinks about having her arm ripped off. So we start out with her already as a vampire?
LIKE HELL MEYER, YOU DID NOT YOU DID NOT JUST ROB ME OF MY TRANSFORMATION TRAUMA AND BODY HORROR!!!
Anyway, what was all that nonsense before, about this being the perfect chance to document a more typical transformation to a newborn? She's apparently three months old, so we missed out on her reaction to being turned, to responding to the fire, and to anything beyond her now-typical "Cool, I can kill stuff!" response.
Bull, I say!
Anyway, Bree is waiting for "someone" to make a decision while she stares at the wall and describes the ghetto they're in through purple-colored glasses. It seems that she's incredibly thirsty and "just wanted to find some unlucky people who wouldn't even have enough time to think wrong place, wrong time". Well, this is certainly shaping up to be a character I'd love to support! And no Meyer, don't try to tell me that it's because people look weak and tasty to vampires. There is a difference between hungering for something while struggling against that nature (which has been done a lot in vampire media, so it's hardly without precedent) and openly embracing and running with the idea that you now literally live off of the lives of strangers. What would Ayn Rand say? In all seriousness though, what is up with this? Do vampires get a convenient lobotomy when they wake up, which makes them forget that they themselves are human? Does it tap into some hidden psychopathy that we all have in us, which lets them feel unrestrained and justified in killing as they please? From what I've seen, Carlise is the only vampire specifically mentioned to actively restrain himself against killing when he woke up. And again Meyer, don't try to tell me that it's because vampires quickly forget their human memories or something. Rosalie and Jasper and Bella all seemed able to recall their past just fine. Adding "even though the memory was dimming" at every single one doesn't fool me in the slightest.
*sigh* Getting on with it, it seems that Riley has been sending vampires out into groups to feed, but has been doing a shyte job of it, in that he puts newborns that hate each other into groups which means that they start ripping each other up. All I can think of is how this concept was handled infinitely better in Being Human, and was far creepier to boot (humans were locked in a room for the vampire army to snack on, and we're told by one of the people that there were already articles of clothing and belongings in there when they were brought in...) It seems that the Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum that Bree was saddled with are a dude named Kevin and Some Blond Kid. Bree is all exasperated with them and we're told that they're both "stupid" and "dangerous" because they're members of Raoul's gang. Wait, Raoul?
ZeldaQueen: No mention of any Christine or Erik in there, so he must have eaten them. Oh well, I'm sure he thought of them fondly when he said goodbye.
So the whole decision thing Bree's waiting on is for these putzes to figure out which direction they're going in. Instead of getting on with the hunt though, they're arguing about which superhero comic book characters would make better hunters. Dude, Meyer, don't even try touching the superhero genre. You're just not talented enough. Also, if Bree's as incredibly thirsty as she's being going on about, why is it that these dipsticks are just standing around chatting? Did they get out to eat twice in the week or something? And why doesn't Bree just run off and get something herself, if she so damned desperate? She's got super speed and all, and it's hardly like those two can be hurt.
Anyway, steering clear of the holes in the plot, the blond is now climbing around on a brick wall, arguing his point for Spider-man. Oy, leave Spidey out of this! He's actually a very selfless and strong hero (except for One Day More, but we won't speak of that) and the thought of anyone comparing him to Meyer's sickko vampires is just nasty.
Bree then brings up another dude who is in the group, a guy named Diego. Diego? Really?
ZeldaQueen: I wonder, do Meyer's kids watch Dora the Explorer?
On a more serious note, what's with all of these names? How could Meyer try to spin "Isabella" as an extremely rare and exotic name that no one's heard of before in the area, when there are people with names like Raoul or Diego? I mean, I don't know what the norm for Seattle names are, but I have a sneaking suspicion that Meyer's just getting them from the same place the rest of her works come from - her rear.
Well anyway, it turns out that Diego is apparently Riley's right-hand man. And they're sending him out to hunt with a bunch of newborns? Is he supposed to be keeping them in line? Because letting them stand around, bickering about Spider-man doesn't really sound like he's being that watchful. Bree mentions that just because Diego's in tight with Riley doesn't mean she trusts him any more than the other vampires.
Okay, questions. First of all, why would being a close friend of Riley be any indicator of Diego's trustworthiness? Thus far, we've heard that Riley rips off limbs when he's upset and doesn't seem to mind that much about if he sends out newborns that he knows will attack and mutilate each other. Yes, sounds like a guy who you'd get a positive image by associating with. Second of all, I'm sure that Meyer is trying to go for the "gangsta" angle by having Bree be all "I don't trust anyone" and short tempered and whatnot. After all, that's pretty much what she tried to do to make Jacob sound "cool" and "tough" in Breaking Dawn. Meyer, if you're reading this, it doesn't work. Without some sort of justification as to why one would be all "I hate the world", the character just sounds like a whiny twat who is doing a stereotypical impersonation as opposed to just being a whiny twat.
I also would like to ask why, if Bree clearly can't stand and doesn't trust any of the newborn vampires, she is sticking around. What, does she think that if she runs away she'll be chased down? Riley doesn't seem to give a flip if random newborns go missing or get killed.
Oh, and Bree also mentions "Keep your head down and your mouth shut - that was the way to stay alive in Riley's crowd". You all just keep that in mind for later.
Anyway, Kevin is now calling Spider-man "such a whiny loser" and I face palm because there is no way in hell that Meyer's characters can call anyone "whiny" and it not be extremely hypocritical. And this might be a cynical side-effect from my sporking of Time To Fix The Mistakes, but the fact that Spider-man is usually considered an innocent and selfless hero with the whole great power/great responsibility thing and the fact that Kevin's knocking on him makes it almost sound like Meyer's mocking the character for using cool powers for non-selfish reasons. Probably just me though. (Although it also has not escaped my notice that Meyer apparently has found that "whiny" had no "e" in it, good for her)
Kevin decides to show the blonde kid what how a "real superhero hunts" and leaps into the street, in front of an oncoming car. He then screams "Hulk mad!" and "Hulk...SMASH!" before flipping the car over. Again, comparing Meyerpire "hunting" to the Hulk just pisses me off, because that kind of implies that, like these sparkly buggers, the Hulk goes out and actively eats people under his own free will and just because he can. He doesn't. The Hulk is quite famous for wanting to be left alone, really (and yes, I know that he gets a lot of different incarnations in the comics, but I'm talking about the usual depiction of him in media). In fact, if you were to rewatch the Ang Lee version of The Hulk, you might notice the Hulk never directly kills anyone! The only people who die or get hurt are the ones who die as a result of trying to kill him! There's also the fact that the Hulk is boderline villainous at times, with his alter ego full-on hating him for most of the time. Meyer's vampires go out and talk continuously about how much they love eating people and think it's fantastic.
In other words Meyer, don't ever associate Marvel characters with your creations ever again.
Erm, sorry about that rant, folks. *is a Marvel fan* Continuing! We get a pleasant description of how there's a woman screaming inside of the car and Diego seems mildly bothered by Kevin acting out like that. Bree chooses this opportunity here, with a woman hurt and screaming in a broken car while Diego is scolding Kevin, to point out how pretty Diego is. Sheesh! And what he looks like?
"He was pretty, with dark, dense, curly hair, big, wide eyes and really full lips, but then, who wasn't pretty?"
ZeldaQueen: How nice to specify how pretty he was, before actually describing him?
Incidentally, if you were to Google "curly dark hair wide eyes full lips man"? You get this.
ZeldaQueen: Although to be fair, I also got this.
ZeldaQueen: Make of all this what you will.
Anyway, Kevin basically laughs when Diego pulls the "Riley said" which makes me wonder why Bree acted like Diego's association with Riley held any weight before now. Clearly these guys don't take him seriously in the slightest.
Kevin starts fishing around for the driver in the car to eat her, how lovely. This is just...gah. Bree decides that she doesn't want to watch him feed, not because she's bothered by the sight of someone brutally draining the blood from a scared bystander but because she'd be too tempted to join in and "so did not need to be on Raoul's hit list". Again, does vampire-ism remove your moral compass or something? Why do all of Meyer's characters only react according to their own safety or wants or desires? God!
Oh, and Bree somehow is able to resist her insane thirst, despite there being a tasty human who is surely bleeding nearby, by holding her breath. You know, that thing Bella did in Breaking Dawn, which everyone complimented her on like no other vampire could possibly manage it? So much for Meyer writing about a newborn's uncontrollable bloodlust.
The blonde kid doesn't have Bree's scruples qualms and leaps over and we're treated to a description of Bree turning away just in time to hear a wet ripping sound as the woman is presumably torn in half.
You know Meyer, you're really doing a shit job at making me like your protagonists. You can argue all day "Oh, Kevin and the blonde dude were clearly bad vampires!" because Bree and Diego are standing right there and don't do a damned thing about it! And again, don't try to tell me "They were too overcome by bloodlust to act!" because we don't get anything from them. Not the vaguest hint of sympathy for the woman, no yelling at the "bad" vampires, nothing. It's exactly like when Irena was killed in Breaking Dawn and I'm supposed to believe it was meant to be a sign of how Evil the Volturi were, but all I noticed was how Bella didn't spare a single thought along the lines of "poor Irena, she was only trying to help". All we get is Bella talking about how Irena's death was the only thing spoiling her perfect day. Same here. Diego and Bree aren't the least bit disgusted or bothered by a woman getting torn in half, they're only upset that it will bring unwanted attention. Very nice.
Anyway, Diego cuts out and Bree follows, in an attempt to resist her thirst. Again, she only does it to keep her own hide from being chased by Raoul and not because she's opposed to the actual attack. She follows Diego and listens to him mutter furiously about how Riley gives them their instructions for a reason, damn it and don't those idiots have an ounce of common sense? No Diego, they don't. But that's alright, because neither do you or your soon-to-be girlfriend. Bree interrupts to ask if they're going to hunt anytime soon because, hello, her throat is, like, burning could he be so kind as to stop so they can kill someone already? He says sure and Bree starts going on about how he is "calm" and "normal". Yep, perfect meet cute right there. Bumping into each other, sitting next to each other on the bus, asking each other about killing strangers to drink their blood, it's all good!
Diego apparently has heard of Bree, no idea why. He asks if she's "[o]ne of the newbies" and I start considering a petition to ban Meyer from attempting modern teenage lingo. Bree informs him that she's three months old and really comes across as a whiny child going "I'm not a kid, I'm twelve years old!" Diego responds by praising her Sue-ish ability to ignore the ripped up woman being nommed on. Apparently even when Meyer sets out to write with the goal in mind to show the life of an average newborn, she still can't write the life of an average newborn.
Bree then explains that it's all because she just didn't want to get mixed up with Raoul's gang and Diego says "Amen, sister. Their kind ain't nothing but bad news". I'm also starting a petition to ban Meyer from writing horribly stereotypical characters. Anyone want to sign?
We get some heavy-handed Foreshadowing, as Bree yammers on about how easy it is to talk to Diego, like he just isn't interested in the slightest on how to kill her. I'm sure this is supposed to be Meyer showing how viscous newborn vampires are and how you can't trust any of them, but it just raises the question of why Bree doesn't just run away if things are so bad. It also raises the question of why she herself isn't crazy and ripping limbs off. I guess it's because she's a Mary Sue.
Bree finds out that Diego is eleven months old, which is even older than Raoul. My God, older than Raoul? My world is blown wide open! Seriously Meyer, we don't know Raoul from Adam. It would help us be a little more scared of him if you showed us a few examples of how dangerous he is, rather than have people constantly go on about him. Diego actually spits venom off of the rooftop while rolling his eyes (my petition still needs signatures, any takers?) and talking about how the quality of newborns has just gone down after Raoul was brought in. Well, let's see, they're basically out eating people willy-nilly with no respect at all for Riley, no training, no form of order, and they're all teenagers who were apparently all gangsters with terrible homes and families in their former lives. I can't understand why they would possibly turn out so horribly.
Oh, and there's more Foreshadowing in the form of Bree wondering if Diego thought that all newborns under him were trash, but then starts waving her "I don't care what people think" schtick, the one gangstah kids in movies like Dangerous Minds or To Sir With Love carry, just to let the audience know that they're Good Kids In Bad Situations who inevitably will become find citizens, assuming they aren't murdered.
Diego suddenly perks up as he catches wind of a pimp and two hos, one of whom the pimp is slapping around. *waves petition* Incidentally, Meyer apparently doesn't know or refuses to use the word "ho" and instead describes the women as the pimp's "employees". Um Meyer, pimps don't keep secretaries. And I'm sure that a lower-class girl who has a background like Bree's would certainly use "ho" over "employee". Not that I'd know much about such things.
So yeah, we get some stuff and nonsense about how those are exactly the sorts of people that they're supposed to nom on, the "dregs" who won't be missed as they have no friends or family. Wait, what? Just because someone is in a seedy business doesn't mean that they won't be missed. What, does Meyer think that prostitutes are only destitute women who are completely alone it the world? Has she never seen Moulin Rouge? Anyway, Bree reflects on how "[m]eals and gods, both coming from the dregs", which I wouldn't find as something to brag about, per say. Also, please stop using the word "dregs", Meyer. You're making penguins cry.
Bree informs us that she is one of the few who still listens to Riley, not because she likes him but because his rules make sense, specifically the rule about an army of crazed vampires keeping under the radar (which they clearly aren't doing well at all) as they feed on Seattle. Erm, Bree? NO FLIP, SHERLOCK! I think a caterpillar could figure that one out! Seriously folks, raise your hands if you've ever read a story in which a person was horrifically transformed into something clearly non-human and it didn't occur to them to hide or stay under the radar? Thought so.
Oh, and Bree also mentions that "hunting smart just took a little brains and patience", like Diego told her. Again, duh? I repeat, has anyone ever heard of a character in media who turned into something inhuman and immediately went around doing stuff like eating people in plain sight? Again, thought so!
Except that it seems that they screw up a lot while hunting which leads to Riley reading the papers and "groan" over how people are noticing a huge number of murders, which leads him to yelling and break things like Raoul's "video-game system" Wait, what? *stares at that last quote* I'm...just going to guess that Meyer couldn't be bothered to Google whatever gaming system is out in 2010 (also, hint! No teenager would use the phrase "video-game system" even if they didn't have the brand name!) Else she's just doing the same thing she did for the name of the band Bella listened to, not wanting to name something specific, lest it not be "cool" after the story is published.
Rant aside, Raoul never takes kindly to this and usually responds by ripping vampires up and setting things on fire, which makes me wonder why a group of newborns don't just hold him down and set him ablaze when he tries. Riley, meanwhile, just responds to this by confiscating his matches. I'm sure that if Raoul's really naughty, he's also sent to bed without dinner (hookers). Seriously though, this is just told in the most casual manner which I guess is supposed to be Meyer's attempt at showing how screwed-up Bree's life is, but it just doesn't work. All it does is make me wonder why Bree doesn't try running away. Or why a group of newborns don't try to kill Raoul or Riley. Or, incidentally, why the Cullens took so long in Eclipse to figure out that there wasn't just one newborn (did they really think that it was only one guy causing all of this destruction?) Or, for that matter, why they haven't brought the FBI in to Seattle or something, given all of the murders and destruction. Given how careless these idiots have been, I refuse to believe that they don't leave piles of clues behind at every of their little meals.
Back to the present, Diego goes all Hunter Mode on us and leaps off of the building. Bree is quite happy with this, because she understands and is comfortable with it. She is comfortable with leaping in to murder and drink the blood of unsuspecting people. Our Heroine, ladies and gentlemen.
Diego leaps off of the roof and, to round out our stereotypes, not only is one prostitute being beaten up but the other is apparently high as a kite (or "zoned-out", as Meyer put it). Bree follows and lands right next to the prostitute being smacked around. We're told that she's crying, how lovely. Our Heroine will be dining on an abused and hurt woman. We're also told that she's blond. How nice to see that Meyer still has her insecurity issues.
Bree grabs the prostitute and drags her into the alleyway. She throws herself against the wall and immediately begins to nom on her. This is really sick and disgusting, but I must admit that there was my perverted part which remembered the connections between vampirism and sex and how an unsuspecting and non-virtuous lady is being pulled into an alleyway and yanked against a wall...yeah. It really isn't helped by the fact that Bree goes on about how sweet and yummy this all is and how pleasurable it is and how there are phrases like "the low moans i could not control" or "I sucked and gulped, only vaguely aware of anything else".
Diego has meanwhile nommed on the pimp and Bree actually praises how he was able to do it so silently. How nice. She complains that humans don't have enough blood in their bodies, WELL EXCUSE MY SPECIES FOR INCONVENIENCING YOU AND YOUR STUPID HUNGER! IT'S NOT LIKE YOU COULD BE ATTEMPTING TO FIND A SUBSTITUTE, LIKE A GOOD MANY VAMPIRES IN LITERATURE AND MEDIA, WHICH IS WHAT YOU'VE BEEN FOLLOWING FOR RULES, I MIGHT ADD! *blinks* Sorry about that. Anyway, Bree is still thirsty and wonders if she can grab the other woman before Diego gets her. Diego notices this and we get some bull about how she suspects he's being sympathetic, but apparently has such a hard life that she doesn't know what sympathy looks like. Boo-freaking-hoo. He offers to let her have the second woman. How sweet.
ZeldaQueen: And this seems to be about a good a place as any to call it a night. Good day!
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Onward to: Part 2
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Back to: Table of Contents
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Part 1
ZeldaQueen: We are eased into the story in Meyer's standard first person whine-a-thon as Bree, our protagonist (in the loosest sense of the word, I'm sure) tells us how she's looking at a newspaper headline about the death toll spiking in Seattle. She mentions how the paper must have just been delivered, before implying that it was good for the delivery boy's health that he was not still around. She then thinks that Riley will "blow a gasket" over this spike of deaths and will likely rip off someone's arm for this, making a mental note to keep out of the way so it won't be her.
...Wait. She has violent thoughts towards humans, is familiar with Riley, and casually thinks about having her arm ripped off. So we start out with her already as a vampire?
LIKE HELL MEYER, YOU DID NOT YOU DID NOT JUST ROB ME OF MY TRANSFORMATION TRAUMA AND BODY HORROR!!!
Anyway, what was all that nonsense before, about this being the perfect chance to document a more typical transformation to a newborn? She's apparently three months old, so we missed out on her reaction to being turned, to responding to the fire, and to anything beyond her now-typical "Cool, I can kill stuff!" response.
Bull, I say!
Anyway, Bree is waiting for "someone" to make a decision while she stares at the wall and describes the ghetto they're in through purple-colored glasses. It seems that she's incredibly thirsty and "just wanted to find some unlucky people who wouldn't even have enough time to think wrong place, wrong time". Well, this is certainly shaping up to be a character I'd love to support! And no Meyer, don't try to tell me that it's because people look weak and tasty to vampires. There is a difference between hungering for something while struggling against that nature (which has been done a lot in vampire media, so it's hardly without precedent) and openly embracing and running with the idea that you now literally live off of the lives of strangers. What would Ayn Rand say? In all seriousness though, what is up with this? Do vampires get a convenient lobotomy when they wake up, which makes them forget that they themselves are human? Does it tap into some hidden psychopathy that we all have in us, which lets them feel unrestrained and justified in killing as they please? From what I've seen, Carlise is the only vampire specifically mentioned to actively restrain himself against killing when he woke up. And again Meyer, don't try to tell me that it's because vampires quickly forget their human memories or something. Rosalie and Jasper and Bella all seemed able to recall their past just fine. Adding "even though the memory was dimming" at every single one doesn't fool me in the slightest.
*sigh* Getting on with it, it seems that Riley has been sending vampires out into groups to feed, but has been doing a shyte job of it, in that he puts newborns that hate each other into groups which means that they start ripping each other up. All I can think of is how this concept was handled infinitely better in Being Human, and was far creepier to boot (humans were locked in a room for the vampire army to snack on, and we're told by one of the people that there were already articles of clothing and belongings in there when they were brought in...) It seems that the Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum that Bree was saddled with are a dude named Kevin and Some Blond Kid. Bree is all exasperated with them and we're told that they're both "stupid" and "dangerous" because they're members of Raoul's gang. Wait, Raoul?
ZeldaQueen: No mention of any Christine or Erik in there, so he must have eaten them. Oh well, I'm sure he thought of them fondly when he said goodbye.
So the whole decision thing Bree's waiting on is for these putzes to figure out which direction they're going in. Instead of getting on with the hunt though, they're arguing about which superhero comic book characters would make better hunters. Dude, Meyer, don't even try touching the superhero genre. You're just not talented enough. Also, if Bree's as incredibly thirsty as she's being going on about, why is it that these dipsticks are just standing around chatting? Did they get out to eat twice in the week or something? And why doesn't Bree just run off and get something herself, if she so damned desperate? She's got super speed and all, and it's hardly like those two can be hurt.
Anyway, steering clear of the holes in the plot, the blond is now climbing around on a brick wall, arguing his point for Spider-man. Oy, leave Spidey out of this! He's actually a very selfless and strong hero (except for One Day More, but we won't speak of that) and the thought of anyone comparing him to Meyer's sickko vampires is just nasty.
Bree then brings up another dude who is in the group, a guy named Diego. Diego? Really?
ZeldaQueen: I wonder, do Meyer's kids watch Dora the Explorer?
On a more serious note, what's with all of these names? How could Meyer try to spin "Isabella" as an extremely rare and exotic name that no one's heard of before in the area, when there are people with names like Raoul or Diego? I mean, I don't know what the norm for Seattle names are, but I have a sneaking suspicion that Meyer's just getting them from the same place the rest of her works come from - her rear.
Well anyway, it turns out that Diego is apparently Riley's right-hand man. And they're sending him out to hunt with a bunch of newborns? Is he supposed to be keeping them in line? Because letting them stand around, bickering about Spider-man doesn't really sound like he's being that watchful. Bree mentions that just because Diego's in tight with Riley doesn't mean she trusts him any more than the other vampires.
Okay, questions. First of all, why would being a close friend of Riley be any indicator of Diego's trustworthiness? Thus far, we've heard that Riley rips off limbs when he's upset and doesn't seem to mind that much about if he sends out newborns that he knows will attack and mutilate each other. Yes, sounds like a guy who you'd get a positive image by associating with. Second of all, I'm sure that Meyer is trying to go for the "gangsta" angle by having Bree be all "I don't trust anyone" and short tempered and whatnot. After all, that's pretty much what she tried to do to make Jacob sound "cool" and "tough" in Breaking Dawn. Meyer, if you're reading this, it doesn't work. Without some sort of justification as to why one would be all "I hate the world", the character just sounds like a whiny twat who is doing a stereotypical impersonation as opposed to just being a whiny twat.
I also would like to ask why, if Bree clearly can't stand and doesn't trust any of the newborn vampires, she is sticking around. What, does she think that if she runs away she'll be chased down? Riley doesn't seem to give a flip if random newborns go missing or get killed.
Oh, and Bree also mentions "Keep your head down and your mouth shut - that was the way to stay alive in Riley's crowd". You all just keep that in mind for later.
Anyway, Kevin is now calling Spider-man "such a whiny loser" and I face palm because there is no way in hell that Meyer's characters can call anyone "whiny" and it not be extremely hypocritical. And this might be a cynical side-effect from my sporking of Time To Fix The Mistakes, but the fact that Spider-man is usually considered an innocent and selfless hero with the whole great power/great responsibility thing and the fact that Kevin's knocking on him makes it almost sound like Meyer's mocking the character for using cool powers for non-selfish reasons. Probably just me though. (Although it also has not escaped my notice that Meyer apparently has found that "whiny" had no "e" in it, good for her)
Kevin decides to show the blonde kid what how a "real superhero hunts" and leaps into the street, in front of an oncoming car. He then screams "Hulk mad!" and "Hulk...SMASH!" before flipping the car over. Again, comparing Meyerpire "hunting" to the Hulk just pisses me off, because that kind of implies that, like these sparkly buggers, the Hulk goes out and actively eats people under his own free will and just because he can. He doesn't. The Hulk is quite famous for wanting to be left alone, really (and yes, I know that he gets a lot of different incarnations in the comics, but I'm talking about the usual depiction of him in media). In fact, if you were to rewatch the Ang Lee version of The Hulk, you might notice the Hulk never directly kills anyone! The only people who die or get hurt are the ones who die as a result of trying to kill him! There's also the fact that the Hulk is boderline villainous at times, with his alter ego full-on hating him for most of the time. Meyer's vampires go out and talk continuously about how much they love eating people and think it's fantastic.
In other words Meyer, don't ever associate Marvel characters with your creations ever again.
Erm, sorry about that rant, folks. *is a Marvel fan* Continuing! We get a pleasant description of how there's a woman screaming inside of the car and Diego seems mildly bothered by Kevin acting out like that. Bree chooses this opportunity here, with a woman hurt and screaming in a broken car while Diego is scolding Kevin, to point out how pretty Diego is. Sheesh! And what he looks like?
"He was pretty, with dark, dense, curly hair, big, wide eyes and really full lips, but then, who wasn't pretty?"
ZeldaQueen: How nice to specify how pretty he was, before actually describing him?
Incidentally, if you were to Google "curly dark hair wide eyes full lips man"? You get this.
ZeldaQueen: Although to be fair, I also got this.
ZeldaQueen: Make of all this what you will.
Anyway, Kevin basically laughs when Diego pulls the "Riley said" which makes me wonder why Bree acted like Diego's association with Riley held any weight before now. Clearly these guys don't take him seriously in the slightest.
Kevin starts fishing around for the driver in the car to eat her, how lovely. This is just...gah. Bree decides that she doesn't want to watch him feed, not because she's bothered by the sight of someone brutally draining the blood from a scared bystander but because she'd be too tempted to join in and "so did not need to be on Raoul's hit list". Again, does vampire-ism remove your moral compass or something? Why do all of Meyer's characters only react according to their own safety or wants or desires? God!
Oh, and Bree somehow is able to resist her insane thirst, despite there being a tasty human who is surely bleeding nearby, by holding her breath. You know, that thing Bella did in Breaking Dawn, which everyone complimented her on like no other vampire could possibly manage it? So much for Meyer writing about a newborn's uncontrollable bloodlust.
The blonde kid doesn't have Bree's scruples qualms and leaps over and we're treated to a description of Bree turning away just in time to hear a wet ripping sound as the woman is presumably torn in half.
You know Meyer, you're really doing a shit job at making me like your protagonists. You can argue all day "Oh, Kevin and the blonde dude were clearly bad vampires!" because Bree and Diego are standing right there and don't do a damned thing about it! And again, don't try to tell me "They were too overcome by bloodlust to act!" because we don't get anything from them. Not the vaguest hint of sympathy for the woman, no yelling at the "bad" vampires, nothing. It's exactly like when Irena was killed in Breaking Dawn and I'm supposed to believe it was meant to be a sign of how Evil the Volturi were, but all I noticed was how Bella didn't spare a single thought along the lines of "poor Irena, she was only trying to help". All we get is Bella talking about how Irena's death was the only thing spoiling her perfect day. Same here. Diego and Bree aren't the least bit disgusted or bothered by a woman getting torn in half, they're only upset that it will bring unwanted attention. Very nice.
Anyway, Diego cuts out and Bree follows, in an attempt to resist her thirst. Again, she only does it to keep her own hide from being chased by Raoul and not because she's opposed to the actual attack. She follows Diego and listens to him mutter furiously about how Riley gives them their instructions for a reason, damn it and don't those idiots have an ounce of common sense? No Diego, they don't. But that's alright, because neither do you or your soon-to-be girlfriend. Bree interrupts to ask if they're going to hunt anytime soon because, hello, her throat is, like, burning could he be so kind as to stop so they can kill someone already? He says sure and Bree starts going on about how he is "calm" and "normal". Yep, perfect meet cute right there. Bumping into each other, sitting next to each other on the bus, asking each other about killing strangers to drink their blood, it's all good!
Diego apparently has heard of Bree, no idea why. He asks if she's "[o]ne of the newbies" and I start considering a petition to ban Meyer from attempting modern teenage lingo. Bree informs him that she's three months old and really comes across as a whiny child going "I'm not a kid, I'm twelve years old!" Diego responds by praising her Sue-ish ability to ignore the ripped up woman being nommed on. Apparently even when Meyer sets out to write with the goal in mind to show the life of an average newborn, she still can't write the life of an average newborn.
Bree then explains that it's all because she just didn't want to get mixed up with Raoul's gang and Diego says "Amen, sister. Their kind ain't nothing but bad news". I'm also starting a petition to ban Meyer from writing horribly stereotypical characters. Anyone want to sign?
We get some heavy-handed Foreshadowing, as Bree yammers on about how easy it is to talk to Diego, like he just isn't interested in the slightest on how to kill her. I'm sure this is supposed to be Meyer showing how viscous newborn vampires are and how you can't trust any of them, but it just raises the question of why Bree doesn't just run away if things are so bad. It also raises the question of why she herself isn't crazy and ripping limbs off. I guess it's because she's a Mary Sue.
Bree finds out that Diego is eleven months old, which is even older than Raoul. My God, older than Raoul? My world is blown wide open! Seriously Meyer, we don't know Raoul from Adam. It would help us be a little more scared of him if you showed us a few examples of how dangerous he is, rather than have people constantly go on about him. Diego actually spits venom off of the rooftop while rolling his eyes (my petition still needs signatures, any takers?) and talking about how the quality of newborns has just gone down after Raoul was brought in. Well, let's see, they're basically out eating people willy-nilly with no respect at all for Riley, no training, no form of order, and they're all teenagers who were apparently all gangsters with terrible homes and families in their former lives. I can't understand why they would possibly turn out so horribly.
Oh, and there's more Foreshadowing in the form of Bree wondering if Diego thought that all newborns under him were trash, but then starts waving her "I don't care what people think" schtick, the one gangstah kids in movies like Dangerous Minds or To Sir With Love carry, just to let the audience know that they're Good Kids In Bad Situations who inevitably will become find citizens, assuming they aren't murdered.
Diego suddenly perks up as he catches wind of a pimp and two hos, one of whom the pimp is slapping around. *waves petition* Incidentally, Meyer apparently doesn't know or refuses to use the word "ho" and instead describes the women as the pimp's "employees". Um Meyer, pimps don't keep secretaries. And I'm sure that a lower-class girl who has a background like Bree's would certainly use "ho" over "employee". Not that I'd know much about such things.
So yeah, we get some stuff and nonsense about how those are exactly the sorts of people that they're supposed to nom on, the "dregs" who won't be missed as they have no friends or family. Wait, what? Just because someone is in a seedy business doesn't mean that they won't be missed. What, does Meyer think that prostitutes are only destitute women who are completely alone it the world? Has she never seen Moulin Rouge? Anyway, Bree reflects on how "[m]eals and gods, both coming from the dregs", which I wouldn't find as something to brag about, per say. Also, please stop using the word "dregs", Meyer. You're making penguins cry.
Bree informs us that she is one of the few who still listens to Riley, not because she likes him but because his rules make sense, specifically the rule about an army of crazed vampires keeping under the radar (which they clearly aren't doing well at all) as they feed on Seattle. Erm, Bree? NO FLIP, SHERLOCK! I think a caterpillar could figure that one out! Seriously folks, raise your hands if you've ever read a story in which a person was horrifically transformed into something clearly non-human and it didn't occur to them to hide or stay under the radar? Thought so.
Oh, and Bree also mentions that "hunting smart just took a little brains and patience", like Diego told her. Again, duh? I repeat, has anyone ever heard of a character in media who turned into something inhuman and immediately went around doing stuff like eating people in plain sight? Again, thought so!
Except that it seems that they screw up a lot while hunting which leads to Riley reading the papers and "groan" over how people are noticing a huge number of murders, which leads him to yelling and break things like Raoul's "video-game system" Wait, what? *stares at that last quote* I'm...just going to guess that Meyer couldn't be bothered to Google whatever gaming system is out in 2010 (also, hint! No teenager would use the phrase "video-game system" even if they didn't have the brand name!) Else she's just doing the same thing she did for the name of the band Bella listened to, not wanting to name something specific, lest it not be "cool" after the story is published.
Rant aside, Raoul never takes kindly to this and usually responds by ripping vampires up and setting things on fire, which makes me wonder why a group of newborns don't just hold him down and set him ablaze when he tries. Riley, meanwhile, just responds to this by confiscating his matches. I'm sure that if Raoul's really naughty, he's also sent to bed without dinner (hookers). Seriously though, this is just told in the most casual manner which I guess is supposed to be Meyer's attempt at showing how screwed-up Bree's life is, but it just doesn't work. All it does is make me wonder why Bree doesn't try running away. Or why a group of newborns don't try to kill Raoul or Riley. Or, incidentally, why the Cullens took so long in Eclipse to figure out that there wasn't just one newborn (did they really think that it was only one guy causing all of this destruction?) Or, for that matter, why they haven't brought the FBI in to Seattle or something, given all of the murders and destruction. Given how careless these idiots have been, I refuse to believe that they don't leave piles of clues behind at every of their little meals.
Back to the present, Diego goes all Hunter Mode on us and leaps off of the building. Bree is quite happy with this, because she understands and is comfortable with it. She is comfortable with leaping in to murder and drink the blood of unsuspecting people. Our Heroine, ladies and gentlemen.
Diego leaps off of the roof and, to round out our stereotypes, not only is one prostitute being beaten up but the other is apparently high as a kite (or "zoned-out", as Meyer put it). Bree follows and lands right next to the prostitute being smacked around. We're told that she's crying, how lovely. Our Heroine will be dining on an abused and hurt woman. We're also told that she's blond. How nice to see that Meyer still has her insecurity issues.
Bree grabs the prostitute and drags her into the alleyway. She throws herself against the wall and immediately begins to nom on her. This is really sick and disgusting, but I must admit that there was my perverted part which remembered the connections between vampirism and sex and how an unsuspecting and non-virtuous lady is being pulled into an alleyway and yanked against a wall...yeah. It really isn't helped by the fact that Bree goes on about how sweet and yummy this all is and how pleasurable it is and how there are phrases like "the low moans i could not control" or "I sucked and gulped, only vaguely aware of anything else".
Diego has meanwhile nommed on the pimp and Bree actually praises how he was able to do it so silently. How nice. She complains that humans don't have enough blood in their bodies, WELL EXCUSE MY SPECIES FOR INCONVENIENCING YOU AND YOUR STUPID HUNGER! IT'S NOT LIKE YOU COULD BE ATTEMPTING TO FIND A SUBSTITUTE, LIKE A GOOD MANY VAMPIRES IN LITERATURE AND MEDIA, WHICH IS WHAT YOU'VE BEEN FOLLOWING FOR RULES, I MIGHT ADD! *blinks* Sorry about that. Anyway, Bree is still thirsty and wonders if she can grab the other woman before Diego gets her. Diego notices this and we get some bull about how she suspects he's being sympathetic, but apparently has such a hard life that she doesn't know what sympathy looks like. Boo-freaking-hoo. He offers to let her have the second woman. How sweet.
ZeldaQueen: And this seems to be about a good a place as any to call it a night. Good day!
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Onward to: Part 2
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