Marked: Chapter 14
ZeldaQueen: In which there are more pointless classes and Erik Night is drooled over. Warning, a lot of quotes are used
Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter 14
ZeldaQueen: So we're now at Zoey's fencing class. Yes, it's been three chapters and we're still on her first day of school. Zoey seems surprised that fencing is cool. Yes, being allowed to swordfight just sounds like the epitome of boring-ness. What planet are you from, crazy lady?
We get a pointless description of the room (I say pointless because this is the only fencing class we ever hear about, so it hardly matters), and jump over to describing the teacher. I do believe I got whiplash from that. We're told "Everyone called Professor Lankford Dragon Lankford, or just Dragon". Now see if you can say that sentence ten times, fast. And the reason he's nicknamed "the Dragon" is because *drumroll please* he has tattoos that resemble two dragons. How clever.
Zoey is all amazed because this is "the first male adult vampyre [she'd] seen up close". What, does she think male vampires are a different species or something? She expects him to be "tall, dangerous, handsome. You know, like Vin Diesel". Instead, he's got long, blonde hair in a ponytail and a "cute face with a warm smile".
We speed through the warm-ups, and get virtually no input from Zoey on 'em. Seriously, it's like Holly Potter just started to narrate. When warm-ups are over, everyone is paired up and Zoey is pleased that Damien is her partner. And thus we get the only characterization that Damien gets beyond being gay - he's a very good fencer. Don't get too excited though. This is the only time in this book that it is mentioned. I don't know if it comes to anything in the sequels, but here it's pretty much forgotten.
The Dragon starts telling Zoey about fencing and it just feels like the Casts are showing off their Google-fu research skillz. I mean, it's nice that they actually took the time to get information, but we just get it in cumbersome infodumps, without the benefit of any payoff later. *shakes head* The Dragon asks Zoey "Did you know that fencing is one of the very few sports where women and men can compete on entirely equal terms?" Zoey immediately squees over this, because "How cool would it be to kick a guy's butt at a sport?!"
You know, when I was in high school, I played against boys (and the only other girl in the class for that matter) in dodgeball, baseball, lacrosse, running, and basketball. I find the implication that you have to take fencing before you have a chance to defeat a guy at sports to be insulting.
And God dammit, what did I say about Zoey's "boys are icky!" routine?
So yeah, the Dragon keeps going on about how damned equal fencing is
"This is because the intelligent and focused fencer can successfully compensate for any perceived deficiencies he or she may have, and may even be able to turn those deficiencies-such as strength or reach-into assets. In other words, you may not be as strong or as fast as your opponent, but you could be smarter or able to remain focused better, which will tip the scales in your favor"
ZeldaQueen: You know, I've taken very little fencing in my life and I'm hardly the most sporty person out there, but isn't that focusing thing true for any sport? Hell, isn't it true for anything?
Ms and Ms Cast, you might want to stop trying to be deep. You really suck at it.
We're told how focused Damien is, which is why he's the best fencer there, and Damien tells Zoey that they'll be doing the same exercises over and over and over to train, so she shouldn't be bothered by it. Again. Same for every sport, or am I crazy? Zoey responds to this with "So what you're really saying is that you're going to be annoying, but there's a purpose behind it?" and then we get a summarized account of her doing unnamed exercises for twenty minutes, which she mentions will leave her ass feeling sore the next morning. To all those wondering, no I do not believe this is ever brought up again. We never get any mention of Zoey being sore or tired or getting more muscular or anything from all of this fencing training.
They all shower at the end of class, and for some reason Zoey considers it so luxurious that the stalls have their own curtains. Is...that really that rare? Anyway, she runs off to lunch and gets a bunch of food and sits down with her friends. Stevie Rae immediately asks her what was up with Erik Night and everyone immediately shuts up and stares at her because OH-EM-GEE, A HOT BOY TALKED TO ZOEY, THIS IS SO AMAZING AND INTERESTING!!!
I'm not happy, in case it's hard to tell.
Zoey decides that she doesn't want to talk about the blowjob scene because she's not comfortable with it (what about the fact that Erik might not want it known, hmm?) and instead tells them that he spent all of Drama class staring at her. She then specifies that he stared at her once during the Othello monologue, during the talk about love, and then when he was leaving the class. Clearly, they are meant to be.
Zoey immediately starts to beat the "it must be in my mind" drum with a dead herring, while Erin and Shaunee start going on about how Erik is the hottest guy in the entire school, nay on the planet (really) and Stevie Rae says that she thinks that Kenny Chesney is still hotter. Because she's from Oklahoma.
Erin and Shaunee immediately tell Zoey not to let this opportunity pass her by, and I'm scratching my head wondering what opportunity? She just said he looked at her twice, and she's only seen him once, neither of them having had any sort of conversation at all! They're basically telling her to shack up with him without regard as to whether Zoey or Erik want to, just because he's hot.
ZeldaQueen: Except it's like some bizarre trophy-boyfriend-by-proxy, since they're the ones who think he's hot and are forcing Zoey to date him.
Zoey points out none of the above points, and instead says that he didn't even say anything to her, so she has no idea how to not let it pass her by. Suggesting that she's ignoring her previous statements about how he probably doesn't really love her and has made up her mind she's going to make him her's anyway.
Damien cuts in at this point and asks if Zoey smiled at him. Apparently she did not, so he reminds her to smile the next time Erik's around. Shaunee, for no reason at all, mentions "I thought Erik was a just pretty face" to which Erin adds "And body". Wow, and I'm supposed to think Aphrodite is shallow? Apparently the only thing that caused them to amend that idea was the fact that he dumped Aphrodite. And thus we get the reason behind this stupid shift in conversation - so one or both of the Suethors can wank over Erik leaving the Scary Sue and moving to Zoey. Probably Kristen. Zoey's her self insert.
Things get even more disturbing, as Erin says "We can already tell [Erik] has it going on downstairs" and Shaunee starts licking her lips like she's "contemplating eating a big piece of chocolate". Damien tells them off, but not because they're horrifically objectifying poor Erik, oh no. It's because he thinks they're getting gross. Shaunee says that they're only talking about Erik's butt, which is "the cutest butt in town". Oh, well that makes it all better! Erin adds "As if you haven't noticed".
I HATE THOSE TWO!!! WHY ARE WE SUPPOSED TO LIKE THEM? GODDAMN!
I'm sorry.
Stevie Rae chimes in at this point, and says that Aphrodite will get angry with them if they talk about Erik. What, does she have tiny microphones hidden around the dining hall? Actually, given the ridiculous levels of Scary Suedom she's forced to later, that wouldn't surprise me. Everyone is amazed at this revelation, amazed I tell you, and I honestly have no idea why. From what I gather, Aphrodite is supposed to hold all of these kids in holy terror, but if she's so scary, why wouldn't they remember this from the beginning? Is the idea that Erik likes Zoey just that tempting of gossip?
It probably is. I hate this book.
Shaunee latches on to the breakup again, and starts cackling over how delicious it is that Erik now has a thing for Zoey. Again, I really don't like her. There's cheering on your friend when said friend has a potential boyfriend, and then there's pushing your friend to date a guy because you like it. Hint to Ms and Ms Cast - the latter reason is not good and never turns out well. You use chick flicks for research, haven't you ever seen Mean Girls?
Zoey continues to insist that it must be that he is fascinated by her filled-in Mark and Stevie Rae and Damien go on about how cute Zoey is, of course Erik must like her. Oy. Stevie Rae gives what is possibly the most sensible advice yet, and tells Zoey that if Erik smiles at her, to just say "hi".
And just like that, lunch is over and Zoey is at Spanish class. This is taught by "Profesora Garmy" who is like "a little Hispanic whirlwind" and teaches the entire class in Spanish and...
Six sentences later, Zoey is in Intro to Equestrian Studies. I see the Cast ladies have taken lessons from Meyer on time jumps. *glares*
The class is held in a place called the Field House, which is a brick building attached to an indoor racing arena. Zoey goes on about how the places smells like "horse poopie", and I am totally lost because this is her internal monologue and she has already used the word "crap" while narrating! What, did the Cast ladies decide that she needed a cutesy faux-flaw so they made her curse like a five-year-old?
*sigh* So class starts, and Zoey looks around and wouldn't you know it, there's that Elliot kid, leaning against the wall and having nothing better to do than kick up sawdust and make people sneeze! I think the Suethors forgot a dimension there. Oh, and Zoey charmingly wonders, regarding his appearance, "And why couldn't he use some product (or perhaps a comb) on that nappy hair?"
I...really don't think "nappy" is the best word choice, Suethors. Especially since I'm pretty sure that, yet again, you were going for "teen slang".
At this point the teacher shows up, on a beautiful, black horse. She - the teacher - has white-blond hair, gray eyes, and "Her body was tiny, and the way she stood reminded me of those girls who obsessively take dance classes so that even when they're not in ballet they stand like they have something stuck way up their butts". I do love how sweet and non-judgmental Our Heroine is. She's just so much better than that Aphrodite bitch!
The teacher - Lenoba is her name - starts the lesson and, if this was a Harry Potter fanfic, I would accuse her of being a rip-off of Professor Grubby-Plank. She immediately starts going on about how horses are powerful, majestic creatures and not big dogs and how they all were chosen because they have an aptitude for riding, but less than half will last the semester and less than half of those remaining will be good equestrians. What? Also, why is she talking like it's the first day of class? Are these all new students who've just joined the school? And does that mean that Elliot is also a new student? Because the Lit teacher acted like he'd been there for a while and...I don't even know why I care. I really don't. Let's move on.
The lesson officially starts, as Lenoba has them all get mucking boots and clean up the stables. Of course everyone starts whining except for Zoey who, as it turns out, just lurves horses because her grandmother used to own one and Zoey just had the bestest time cleaning and caring for it. Of course. We get various comments from Zoey as she works, first about how ugly the mucking boots are, and then about how happy she is about loudspeakers that play Enya. There's a completely unnecessary and random aside, where we find out that Zoey's mom used to like Enya's music, but then John Heifer decided that it was "witch music" and made her stop. *rubs temples* I'm still waiting for Zoey to drop how her stepfather burned a heathen at the stake for floating in a pond. That's really all that's needed for the cliches to be complete.
There's a time jump of about forty-five minutes which is handwaved by Zoey not paying attention, and Lenobia shows up and is, of course, impressed by how well the mucking is going. Zoey launches into a story about her old horse and how she and her grandmother took care of it and Lenobia is clearly moved and brings in a horse named Persephone, which she says Zoey can brush. I feel I ought to mention that upon seeing Persephone, the first thing Zoey does is giggle and kiss her nose, which I personally would think violates the "horses are not girly toys" talk that they were all given at the start of class.
As Zoey brushes, she hears Lenobia yelling at someone and what do you know, it's Elliot, just slouched against the wall and doing nothing. Zoey immediately starts taking the higher ground, and starts to tell Persephone her "Don't Procreate with Losers speech". I do wonder how many times she's launched that one.
Some unspecified amount of time later, Stevie Rae shows up to get Zoey for the Full Moon Ritual that the school will be holding. Zoey flips out because she forgot about it and the Dark Daughter's Ritual, and on that lame note, the chapter ends
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Onward to: Chapter 15
Back to: Chapter 13
Back to: Table of Contents
Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter 14
ZeldaQueen: So we're now at Zoey's fencing class. Yes, it's been three chapters and we're still on her first day of school. Zoey seems surprised that fencing is cool. Yes, being allowed to swordfight just sounds like the epitome of boring-ness. What planet are you from, crazy lady?
We get a pointless description of the room (I say pointless because this is the only fencing class we ever hear about, so it hardly matters), and jump over to describing the teacher. I do believe I got whiplash from that. We're told "Everyone called Professor Lankford Dragon Lankford, or just Dragon". Now see if you can say that sentence ten times, fast. And the reason he's nicknamed "the Dragon" is because *drumroll please* he has tattoos that resemble two dragons. How clever.
Zoey is all amazed because this is "the first male adult vampyre [she'd] seen up close". What, does she think male vampires are a different species or something? She expects him to be "tall, dangerous, handsome. You know, like Vin Diesel". Instead, he's got long, blonde hair in a ponytail and a "cute face with a warm smile".
We speed through the warm-ups, and get virtually no input from Zoey on 'em. Seriously, it's like Holly Potter just started to narrate. When warm-ups are over, everyone is paired up and Zoey is pleased that Damien is her partner. And thus we get the only characterization that Damien gets beyond being gay - he's a very good fencer. Don't get too excited though. This is the only time in this book that it is mentioned. I don't know if it comes to anything in the sequels, but here it's pretty much forgotten.
The Dragon starts telling Zoey about fencing and it just feels like the Casts are showing off their Google-fu research skillz. I mean, it's nice that they actually took the time to get information, but we just get it in cumbersome infodumps, without the benefit of any payoff later. *shakes head* The Dragon asks Zoey "Did you know that fencing is one of the very few sports where women and men can compete on entirely equal terms?" Zoey immediately squees over this, because "How cool would it be to kick a guy's butt at a sport?!"
You know, when I was in high school, I played against boys (and the only other girl in the class for that matter) in dodgeball, baseball, lacrosse, running, and basketball. I find the implication that you have to take fencing before you have a chance to defeat a guy at sports to be insulting.
And God dammit, what did I say about Zoey's "boys are icky!" routine?
So yeah, the Dragon keeps going on about how damned equal fencing is
"This is because the intelligent and focused fencer can successfully compensate for any perceived deficiencies he or she may have, and may even be able to turn those deficiencies-such as strength or reach-into assets. In other words, you may not be as strong or as fast as your opponent, but you could be smarter or able to remain focused better, which will tip the scales in your favor"
ZeldaQueen: You know, I've taken very little fencing in my life and I'm hardly the most sporty person out there, but isn't that focusing thing true for any sport? Hell, isn't it true for anything?
Ms and Ms Cast, you might want to stop trying to be deep. You really suck at it.
We're told how focused Damien is, which is why he's the best fencer there, and Damien tells Zoey that they'll be doing the same exercises over and over and over to train, so she shouldn't be bothered by it. Again. Same for every sport, or am I crazy? Zoey responds to this with "So what you're really saying is that you're going to be annoying, but there's a purpose behind it?" and then we get a summarized account of her doing unnamed exercises for twenty minutes, which she mentions will leave her ass feeling sore the next morning. To all those wondering, no I do not believe this is ever brought up again. We never get any mention of Zoey being sore or tired or getting more muscular or anything from all of this fencing training.
They all shower at the end of class, and for some reason Zoey considers it so luxurious that the stalls have their own curtains. Is...that really that rare? Anyway, she runs off to lunch and gets a bunch of food and sits down with her friends. Stevie Rae immediately asks her what was up with Erik Night and everyone immediately shuts up and stares at her because OH-EM-GEE, A HOT BOY TALKED TO ZOEY, THIS IS SO AMAZING AND INTERESTING!!!
I'm not happy, in case it's hard to tell.
Zoey decides that she doesn't want to talk about the blowjob scene because she's not comfortable with it (what about the fact that Erik might not want it known, hmm?) and instead tells them that he spent all of Drama class staring at her. She then specifies that he stared at her once during the Othello monologue, during the talk about love, and then when he was leaving the class. Clearly, they are meant to be.
Zoey immediately starts to beat the "it must be in my mind" drum with a dead herring, while Erin and Shaunee start going on about how Erik is the hottest guy in the entire school, nay on the planet (really) and Stevie Rae says that she thinks that Kenny Chesney is still hotter. Because she's from Oklahoma.
Erin and Shaunee immediately tell Zoey not to let this opportunity pass her by, and I'm scratching my head wondering what opportunity? She just said he looked at her twice, and she's only seen him once, neither of them having had any sort of conversation at all! They're basically telling her to shack up with him without regard as to whether Zoey or Erik want to, just because he's hot.
ZeldaQueen: Except it's like some bizarre trophy-boyfriend-by-proxy, since they're the ones who think he's hot and are forcing Zoey to date him.
Zoey points out none of the above points, and instead says that he didn't even say anything to her, so she has no idea how to not let it pass her by. Suggesting that she's ignoring her previous statements about how he probably doesn't really love her and has made up her mind she's going to make him her's anyway.
Damien cuts in at this point and asks if Zoey smiled at him. Apparently she did not, so he reminds her to smile the next time Erik's around. Shaunee, for no reason at all, mentions "I thought Erik was a just pretty face" to which Erin adds "And body". Wow, and I'm supposed to think Aphrodite is shallow? Apparently the only thing that caused them to amend that idea was the fact that he dumped Aphrodite. And thus we get the reason behind this stupid shift in conversation - so one or both of the Suethors can wank over Erik leaving the Scary Sue and moving to Zoey. Probably Kristen. Zoey's her self insert.
Things get even more disturbing, as Erin says "We can already tell [Erik] has it going on downstairs" and Shaunee starts licking her lips like she's "contemplating eating a big piece of chocolate". Damien tells them off, but not because they're horrifically objectifying poor Erik, oh no. It's because he thinks they're getting gross. Shaunee says that they're only talking about Erik's butt, which is "the cutest butt in town". Oh, well that makes it all better! Erin adds "As if you haven't noticed".
I HATE THOSE TWO!!! WHY ARE WE SUPPOSED TO LIKE THEM? GODDAMN!
I'm sorry.
Stevie Rae chimes in at this point, and says that Aphrodite will get angry with them if they talk about Erik. What, does she have tiny microphones hidden around the dining hall? Actually, given the ridiculous levels of Scary Suedom she's forced to later, that wouldn't surprise me. Everyone is amazed at this revelation, amazed I tell you, and I honestly have no idea why. From what I gather, Aphrodite is supposed to hold all of these kids in holy terror, but if she's so scary, why wouldn't they remember this from the beginning? Is the idea that Erik likes Zoey just that tempting of gossip?
It probably is. I hate this book.
Shaunee latches on to the breakup again, and starts cackling over how delicious it is that Erik now has a thing for Zoey. Again, I really don't like her. There's cheering on your friend when said friend has a potential boyfriend, and then there's pushing your friend to date a guy because you like it. Hint to Ms and Ms Cast - the latter reason is not good and never turns out well. You use chick flicks for research, haven't you ever seen Mean Girls?
Zoey continues to insist that it must be that he is fascinated by her filled-in Mark and Stevie Rae and Damien go on about how cute Zoey is, of course Erik must like her. Oy. Stevie Rae gives what is possibly the most sensible advice yet, and tells Zoey that if Erik smiles at her, to just say "hi".
And just like that, lunch is over and Zoey is at Spanish class. This is taught by "Profesora Garmy" who is like "a little Hispanic whirlwind" and teaches the entire class in Spanish and...
Six sentences later, Zoey is in Intro to Equestrian Studies. I see the Cast ladies have taken lessons from Meyer on time jumps. *glares*
The class is held in a place called the Field House, which is a brick building attached to an indoor racing arena. Zoey goes on about how the places smells like "horse poopie", and I am totally lost because this is her internal monologue and she has already used the word "crap" while narrating! What, did the Cast ladies decide that she needed a cutesy faux-flaw so they made her curse like a five-year-old?
*sigh* So class starts, and Zoey looks around and wouldn't you know it, there's that Elliot kid, leaning against the wall and having nothing better to do than kick up sawdust and make people sneeze! I think the Suethors forgot a dimension there. Oh, and Zoey charmingly wonders, regarding his appearance, "And why couldn't he use some product (or perhaps a comb) on that nappy hair?"
I...really don't think "nappy" is the best word choice, Suethors. Especially since I'm pretty sure that, yet again, you were going for "teen slang".
At this point the teacher shows up, on a beautiful, black horse. She - the teacher - has white-blond hair, gray eyes, and "Her body was tiny, and the way she stood reminded me of those girls who obsessively take dance classes so that even when they're not in ballet they stand like they have something stuck way up their butts". I do love how sweet and non-judgmental Our Heroine is. She's just so much better than that Aphrodite bitch!
The teacher - Lenoba is her name - starts the lesson and, if this was a Harry Potter fanfic, I would accuse her of being a rip-off of Professor Grubby-Plank. She immediately starts going on about how horses are powerful, majestic creatures and not big dogs and how they all were chosen because they have an aptitude for riding, but less than half will last the semester and less than half of those remaining will be good equestrians. What? Also, why is she talking like it's the first day of class? Are these all new students who've just joined the school? And does that mean that Elliot is also a new student? Because the Lit teacher acted like he'd been there for a while and...I don't even know why I care. I really don't. Let's move on.
The lesson officially starts, as Lenoba has them all get mucking boots and clean up the stables. Of course everyone starts whining except for Zoey who, as it turns out, just lurves horses because her grandmother used to own one and Zoey just had the bestest time cleaning and caring for it. Of course. We get various comments from Zoey as she works, first about how ugly the mucking boots are, and then about how happy she is about loudspeakers that play Enya. There's a completely unnecessary and random aside, where we find out that Zoey's mom used to like Enya's music, but then John Heifer decided that it was "witch music" and made her stop. *rubs temples* I'm still waiting for Zoey to drop how her stepfather burned a heathen at the stake for floating in a pond. That's really all that's needed for the cliches to be complete.
There's a time jump of about forty-five minutes which is handwaved by Zoey not paying attention, and Lenobia shows up and is, of course, impressed by how well the mucking is going. Zoey launches into a story about her old horse and how she and her grandmother took care of it and Lenobia is clearly moved and brings in a horse named Persephone, which she says Zoey can brush. I feel I ought to mention that upon seeing Persephone, the first thing Zoey does is giggle and kiss her nose, which I personally would think violates the "horses are not girly toys" talk that they were all given at the start of class.
As Zoey brushes, she hears Lenobia yelling at someone and what do you know, it's Elliot, just slouched against the wall and doing nothing. Zoey immediately starts taking the higher ground, and starts to tell Persephone her "Don't Procreate with Losers speech". I do wonder how many times she's launched that one.
Some unspecified amount of time later, Stevie Rae shows up to get Zoey for the Full Moon Ritual that the school will be holding. Zoey flips out because she forgot about it and the Dark Daughter's Ritual, and on that lame note, the chapter ends
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Onward to: Chapter 15
Back to: Chapter 13
Back to: Table of Contents