They say opposites attract. Initially, that sounds like pure crap. But it's something that I've been thinking about a lot recently. Maria is, in many ways, the opposite of ryan. She is exceptional, he is average. She is ambitious and disciplined, he seems directionless and unmotivated, with intent as his only goal. Maria and I... on the ( Read more... )

A Treatise, by the way, is an exposition. An essay of sorts. Someone I knew received a letter from me the other day, and apparantly it really bothered him. This is something I've thought a great deal about in the past, and developed a theory several years ago, so it reminded me that perhaps I should put my thoughts to paper. Or... ASCII, in ( Read more... )

At this point I'm just wondering if I'm torturing myself. I don't have what I want... and getting what I want is completely beyond my control. I may, I may not. I can't even calculate the probabilities. I may never even find out what the conclusions may be that she gains. I'd probably be better off just ignoring everything Maria does. ( Read more... )

I seek advice, but there is no one with whom I can ask. I wish I could. The woman of my dreams couldn’t get her clingy ex boyfriend out of her head, so she decided to dump both of us - to see neither of us, since clearly she could give neither of us what we wanted. It was painful. I was physically ill all of yesterday, and not feeling good ( Read more... )

I keep hoping that perhaps being sad will just go away. Distraction doesn't work for me. My brain works too fast. There's no "bright side" of the situation to look at. There's no "reality check" that will make things better - this isn't a small, blown-out-of-proportion-by-teen-angst kind of thing. I can't hope that she'll talk to the other guy ( Read more... )

There was a point in my life when I was sincerely convinced that the possibility of finding someone I could love was so small, that there was no chance of even trying anymore. So I stopped looking. I just decided that I had to find someone who was merely acceptable. That was a depressing day ( Read more... )

Well, I never use this thing... and don't think anyone is reading it currently, but hey, just for shits and giggles, I figured I'd put in an update... kind of as a journal for anyone who winds up reading it later on ( Read more... )

Well, it occured to me that now that I may wind up joining other livejournal communities, that I may wish something else to be put here... since all the below posts are pretty dismal ( Read more... )

Not sure if there is much of a point of even writing in here anymore... as i'm not sure if it's even being read by a single person. The idea was to write some thoughts so my wife could keep track of how I'm doing, but I'm not sure she really cares ( Read more... )

Well, I'm frustrated. I haven't talked to the wife in a couple days and it's really driving me batty. I don't like the idea of staying apart. The more you do something the more you get used to it, and I don't like the idea of her being used to not having me around. More paranoia today.... wondering if she was just leading me on the whole time ( Read more... )