I wish I would have a real tragic love affair and get so bummed out that I'd just quit my job and become a bum for a few years, because I was thinking about doing that anyway.
This one was actually much improved (for me, anyway), by knowing who wrote it (I laughed and laughed and laughed), but for the purposes of the thread I suppose it's better anonymous. :)
i am deeply in love and, also, deeply certain it will all end badly. i am also certain that if i could get myself past this end badly feeling it would all be ok. it is not something i can get past.
Though I would normally classify this as very much the sort of thing I'd never do, I'm actually having an honest-to-God affair. I don't feel at all bad about this, because I'm truly in love with my mate (and truly committed to her in a scary sort of maybe-going-to-marry-her way), and know she has no reason to feel threatened by the fact that I have a lover. I'm not worried about my mate finding out (I'm smart enough to avoid that) and I'm not worried about hurting my illicit lover (it's just a friends-with-benefits, more physical than emotional sort of deal), and honestly, when I'm getting what I want, I'm a happier, saner, more stable person, and I make them both very happy (whereas not getting what I wanted was turning me into a vindictive, miserable asshole
( ... )
I try so hard to be understanding and empathetic and try to get where everyone's coming from, but fuck it, you're bad. Bad bad bad bad bad. You're gonna ruin at least one person for trusting for a very long time.
Bad.
If you must have this, consider suggesting an open relationship. While you may believe that dishonesty can be healthy, I personally think that's pretty much a load of self-indulgent crap.
Not to be preachy, but when has that ever stopped me...zevhonithOctober 6 2005, 06:53:02 UTC
What you're doing that's wrong is taking away her ability to make the choice. Having offered her the choice once and deciding you didn't like her answer, you just took that option away from her. You're withholding information about her relationship, and thus, her life. You have taken the power of controlling her own relationship and making her own choices about it out of her hands.
That's what makes it so selfish. Because it's really only about your choice here.
Re: Not to be preachy, but when has that ever stopped me...zevhonithOctober 6 2005, 07:14:52 UTC
Choice is a myth, anyhow. If I confessed to her, she'd probably leave me; all you're saying I should do is give her total control of the relationship (by, e.g., ending it). Where does that leave me? Doesn't that leave me equally without choice when it comes to lying to her?
Re: Not to be preachy, but when has that ever stopped me...zevhonithOctober 6 2005, 07:19:13 UTC
Um.
Okay, calming the laughter enough to answer rationally.
Maybe she'd leave you, maybe she'd ask you to stop and try to fix things, maybe she'd throw her hands in the air and say, 'well, if that's how it has to be, I love you and I'll stay.'
She doesn't have total control of the relationship, because you could have NOT CHEATED. In this way, you control the relationship too.
People have lines that cannot be crossed. Cheating isn't that line for everyone. If it is that line for her, you gave up your choice to make the relationship work-no-matter-what when you decided to cross it. You don't get to pansy out now by saying that you're maintaining your equality in the relationship by lying.
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You did *not*, I don't even believe you. You've been in love with people far away as long as I've known you. :P
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That's utterly adorable. If you ever came out to club, I would completely flirt up a storm with you.
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Bad.
If you must have this, consider suggesting an open relationship. While you may believe that dishonesty can be healthy, I personally think that's pretty much a load of self-indulgent crap.
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That's what makes it so selfish. Because it's really only about your choice here.
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Okay, calming the laughter enough to answer rationally.
Maybe she'd leave you, maybe she'd ask you to stop and try to fix things, maybe she'd throw her hands in the air and say, 'well, if that's how it has to be, I love you and I'll stay.'
She doesn't have total control of the relationship, because you could have NOT CHEATED. In this way, you control the relationship too.
People have lines that cannot be crossed. Cheating isn't that line for everyone. If it is that line for her, you gave up your choice to make the relationship work-no-matter-what when you decided to cross it. You don't get to pansy out now by saying that you're maintaining your equality in the relationship by lying.
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