Ugh.

Jul 21, 2013 12:18

did I tell you I cut back on my meds to half? ya. it's not working out.

Cut for all the crazy... )

crazy is as crazy does, real life is scarier than shit i make up, are you fucking kidding me

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Comments 24

tangotabby July 22 2013, 02:50:54 UTC
*smishes you really, really hard*

Brain chemistry really sucks sometimes :-( So the reduced dose didn't work--that's OK, now you know. Going back to the dose that (I assume?) worked is *NOT* failure!!!!! I cannot emphasize that enough!!! I'm pretty sure that you wouldn't beat yourself up if you needed 2 Ibuprofen rather than 1 for a headache, right? Brain meds are the same--the dose that you need is the dose that you need. And losing weight is so not worth hating your life, and not being able to be the person you know you are.

We really need to talk at SW4. I'm not brave enough to post my personal stuff (and I admire you for doing so!!!), but I do understand about trying to get off antidepressants and ending up back in the black pit of despair and apathy :-( Being on long-term meds sucks, but being off them sucks worse. BTDT.

*smishes you again*

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zoemathemata July 22 2013, 03:30:49 UTC
AW, thank you, bb!
you're coming to SW4?? I'm so GLAD!! We should talk! I do sometimes find it easier to post on LJ though than talk in real life and I think it's because with most peopel in my life, I don't always feel like I can say "Hmm. I need five minutes or five hours to think about that" but I found at SW last year, everyone was very accommodating! It was the ONLY time in a group a people I've ever felt comfortable saying "Hey, I love being with you all but I need some alone time for an hour or so, or maybe I'll just open up my computer right in front of you all and you'll be okay with that"
I look forward to talking to you!

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tangotabby July 22 2013, 04:29:05 UTC
Yep, I'll be there! Coming in Friday late morning, going home Tuesday morning. SGAMadison and I are sharing a room again.

I find it easier to email than talk in real life a lot of the time, so I can *think* about what I'm saying (and rewrite it over and over ;-)) Not so good about posting, though, when I don't know for sure who will be able to read it. (Sucky childhood > don't give people too much information/ammunition :-P)

I can't wait to see you again! I'm so glad you're coming back :-)

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popkin16 July 22 2013, 18:30:54 UTC
:( *Gives you a tight virtual hug*

I'm so, so sorry bb.

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zoemathemata July 22 2013, 22:59:16 UTC
Thank you, bb!
In other news, guess who just got their period and is feeling a little better? *jerks thumbs at self*
I'm still upping my meds because I've been *down* for while but I gotta say, I'm SO MUCH BETTER TODAY than I was yesterday.

Stupid hormones.

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taste_is_sweet July 25 2013, 05:18:20 UTC
Hello ( ... )

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zoemathemata July 25 2013, 13:41:52 UTC
Things are better, thank you! I think I just needed to hit that bottom of the barrel to realize that the dosage change wasn't working. I'd known in my heart it wasn't working for a while but I wasn't doing anything about it ( ... )

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taste_is_sweet August 12 2013, 01:31:28 UTC
I'm glad things are better. :D I hope they've continued that way.

I'm 41, so I hear you about getting older and, um, slower. Aging. Man. Sigh.

I also hope you've been continuing to feel productive as well. And I envy anyone who can do things like dancing. That's so cool.

The re-work is going pretty well, thank you. I've almost got it done, save for (I think XD)three scenes I need to change and another read-through after that. I am so looking forward to having that finished. :)

By the way (and here let me say how very, very much I sympathize with your 'self-pimping is awkward' tag), I do have a novel finished already. It's here: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00AY2VQKM/ref=rdr_kindle_ext_tmb (It's a M/M contemporary romance, so that may not be your thing, but it's had good reviews).

How are you doing?

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zoemathemata August 12 2013, 03:01:47 UTC
I will go check your novel out! I've loved your fanfics and as I mentioned before, The Sacrifical mage is one of my favorites!
things are good! Much better since I've upped my dosage. I've got some fanfics on the go and am ready to tackle original fic again!

re: Dancing - well, I love it. I'm not very good at it! LOL, so I work out at home where I can pretend I'm on a stage and am FANTASTIC and not just... uncoordinated and ungraceful. But I do like it!
We're a similar age! I'm 37 and shit jsut starts to break down. It's no one's fault and while some amount of healthy living can slow things down, it can't stop it all together. I'm trying to be 'graceful' about it but it's tough when I still feel 27 in my head!

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