im so scared about today ( Read more... )

i hate the way i am
and how i feel like i dont deserve you for some reason
i hate feeling so down
im still so confused
but i dont think i can get confused about us for a while
i know you love me
and i love you so much
and im so happy that im with you
& im soo thankful that you accept and still love me and my retarded ways..

mmm
and tomorrow im going tanning ( Read more... )

arhg
i fucked up
im always fucking up
..
hmph.
i dont know what to do anymore
i shouldnt smoke weed..
and find some motivation.. 
maybe my parents and trying not to piss them off?
even if they are bitchy 1/2 the time .. 
mmm

im trying tho.
or at least trying to try
do i not get any brownie points for that? ..
w/e

fuck it

i guess all i neeeded was a little endorphins
and my whole world flipped around
after exams.. i didnt know how i felt.. i guess it was the downfall from the coffee & caffiene upper thingers...but i jus felt.. so ... mellow and sad and confused..
i didnt really want to see tat or do anything but i didnt want to loaft
so i went and burned 250 cals ( the ( Read more... )

1st i wokeup at 3 am because i had a dream about zombies.. not the classic slow kind.. the crazy flesh eating kind that kindof walk faster than the average zombie...  & i actually got my hand biten.. it wasnt one of those, im watching it like its a movie  dreams .. it was those intese ones where u were right in there.. 
so when i wokeup i tried to ( Read more... )

we all should just go back to how this were suppose to be
the natural way
living off the land & living ina  tribe- a family unit
everyone has specific jobs, catcvhing fishing, hunting, clothing making &cooking food
but besides the necessities, we're not cramming our heads with useless information and doing stupid jobs that arnt worth it to make "money ( Read more... )

it really brings out my emotions.
i've been so sad and weird all day

but i've always been sad
and always hated myself
and always hated my judgement
but i've jsut gone with it anyways

i've made alot of mistakes
that i cant take back
i just have to live with them

but i still want to redeem myself
i .. dont know if i'll ever know who i am.. 
or wat to be
to make ( Read more... )

hmm.. yesterday was a good day.. although kindof long & tiring..
woke up w/ corey.. even tho he woke me up acouple times while we slept because i swear he elbowed me twice and once in the face maybe? .. iunno.. i wake up too much sleeping w/ him because he moves SOO much and ruins my comfy positions.... so it's all a blurr.. 
 but then we lounged
and ( Read more... )

.. so this winter break wasnt the most eventful. 
but.. it has its moments
christmas had its ups and downs.
tat and will dunlop were in my dream last nite.. which.. was.. weird i guess
but.. blah
mmm then boxing day.. that was really nice. 
bowling was alot of fun
that whole day was nice...
but.. now its sad because last nite keegan jus pissed me off
i'm ( Read more... )

hmph.. last night was... weeerd..
i dont even know..
i was very .. .. moody i guess.. 
my back kills right now
this morning was.. .. the worst morning ever.. baaahd jan 1st  morning
apparently its really warm outisde tho.. which again is wack for January
but ya.. had like 5 hrs sleep and then at 7 i felt kindof funky so i pooped..and then drank alot of ( Read more... )