But suddenly, amidst al the negative thoughts and tearing myself down, I realize that actually, I really like myself.  I do.  And I have so much potential.  It's been there this whole time, just drowning under a torrential downpour of negativity.  

I have known for a while that every time in my life where I have felt confident, happy, and truly in tune with who I am, I have not had a boyfriend.  And this idea is quite unsettling.  

I don't have anything to write about and that totally stresses me out because writing used to be how I dealt with everything and now that I'm going through one of the hardest times in my life (or as I'm coming out of it) I have nothing to say.  I just don't know what I want to say or how to even begin.  And then this stresses me out.  The idea of ( Read more... )

So I've decided I want to write a romance novel.  I know I'm really in no position to write a novel about romance, but maybe that's why I should.  Because I know what I want based on what I don't have.  I'm pretty confident I know how to write a guy women will fall in love with.  I'm not really sure what the conflict will be, but know who my ( Read more... )

 It's been a long time.  Too long and I want to cry.  I considered going to get an actual journal.  Actually leaving my house, going back to Fred Meyer, going back to the school supply section (school already!?) and buying a pretty notebook with pink and blue bubbles that still smells like fresh paper.  And maybe even some of the pages will still ( Read more... )

 There are times when you don't really feel anything.  You know you should be full of emotions but either the day's soaked them out of you or you're just too tired to care anymore.  This seems to be a recurrent theme with my entries; feeling bad about not feeling more.  I like getting lost in music late at night with my thoughts in front of my ( Read more... )

Yes, I know it's been a while. For a few months now I've been proclaming how I've been working on an autobiography, but as life gets busy, it becomes easy to fall into the routine of things and forget to sit back and reflect on all the lessons that have passed us by, which we really should absorb to grow and become better people. So I figured ( Read more... )

"when i grow up i want to be a principal...or a caterpillar ( Read more... )

So I am now officially dating Brian. Yeah, that's the guy I hesitated to mention a few weeks ago. I didn't trust him at first, and I really didn't see this "relationship" going anywhere because how can it? I leave in just a few months for the whole summer and even if I wasn't, we seem very different on the surface. And for the first time with ( Read more... )

Tonight Denise asked me, "so when are you going to decide enough is enough?" And I asked her if she meant with Jan and she said yes. I laughed and told her never because it's not like I'm waiting around and going to avoid meeting guys because of him. Whatever happens happens and if somewhere down the road we reunite romantically, then it was ( Read more... )