i dont want to be up this early at 8:30am, but i cant sleep anymore. its really started to hit me that grauation is 5 days away and that thats it. there wont be another year of high school with familiar faces and helpful adults. i was writing in my journal last night and all this emotion came out of me that must have been hiding and i had to stop ( Read more... )

ugh i feel so tired at times today. i really couldn't keep my eyes open in band, and thats only happened once-last year when i took my night meds in the morning and was dozing in spanish 3 when the nurse came and got me and told me my mom called and said i took the wrong meds, and i went home to go to sleep! so i was trying to think if i did that, ( Read more... )

This weekend has been like, the longest weekend to me. saturday i stayed in my pajamas all day. sunday i stayed in those same clothes for about half of the day. oh yeah, i was up until 1:30 am talking to chris friday night )or saturday morning which ever you prefer) and i slept until 2pm on saturday! i think its because of my increased desipramine ( Read more... )

ill write here since chris is away for a while and i dont know when he'll be back. hes doing a project and therefore responding slowly. i just wish i had something to get my mind off of him or pour my energies into so that the summer isnt excrutiatingly long from waiting for august to come. i cant stop thinking about staying with him at a hotel. it ( Read more... )

chris just signed off quickly again. he said "i just woke up love" when he talked to me. i asked him what he thought of my idea to get a hotel for a weekend sometime after i turn 18 and he thought it was "excellent". i really hope it works out because i really want to spend time with it being just me and him. i want to be able to walk around the ( Read more... )

chris finally got me a good picture tonight! its now my icon. hes so cute! i cant believe it ( Read more... )

chris just signed off. i was talking to him over the microphone and conquering my stupid stage fright of the mic. i told him how happy i am that we know each other and how even if i have a bad day just being able to talk to him at the end of the day makes it a good day. i asked him if he was better at drawing guys or girls and he said hes better at ( Read more... )

i am so happy ive found chris, or he found me rather. we're like 2 halves of one whole truly. when ive doubted myself he brought me back up and last night i was able to do the same thing for me. he told me that he liked me alot and that i was there for him. he even liked the song lyrics to iris by the goo goo dolls i sent him the other night. i was ( Read more... )

today i told mrs henry about my vacation and how i really wanted to cut at the airport. she said that i should tell someone when that happens so i can be safe, but thats hard to do! then i went and saw nancy and told her about the panic attacks and wanting to cut and she said "you know why you wanted to, dont you?" i didn't. so she said basically ( Read more... )

i got back from my excursion to florida today. we were supposed to get back yesterday and ive been gone since thursday the 21. i never want to go away for that long again without some support or refuge. from that thursday until tuesday night i was on the music department trip to disney. it all sounded good at first, but then i found out i had to ( Read more... )