me.

[__blossom__]

I think i've come to a point now in my life where i can't give a shit what other people think of me. For a long time i have struggled with this. I have gone through life being the person everyone wants me to be or thinks I am. I created an identity for myself that was not real or in any way 'me'. If I could be someone else it wouldn't matter if i

Comments

[darkskweek]

I miss your hugs, honestly, and self awareness. It's something I shadow, dimly, and admire you for being able to look at yourself and realize certain traits, both positive and negative. My lack is that I can't find the positives, only seeing the negatives. I require other people to find the positives in me, for me, and I like to think I can do the same for them.

Yet it's always the 'doing' that seems to be the problem, at least, it is for me, or finding the better half to do it with.

[__blossom__]

I suppose I just have a weird abaility to be completely objective of myself. But I feel it is because I am no longer a part of myself. I don't think this is anything that should be admired because it is completely wrong to detatch from ones self an emotions just to be able to see them more clearly. Emotions are meant to be felt and expereinced and not analized. This is a huge lesson for me in life...but to feel is to let go and lose control...and this is a scary thing.

I miss your hugs too!

[pathogenocide]

my problem is that I could have written this entire entry about myself and changed "Julia" to "Brad" and it would all be true, but for some reason I feel the need to deny people the knowledge of anything personal about me. I feel that disconnected and out of touch with others, though i'm completely sane and know recognize the sources of all of my anxiety and madness...

i want to make an effort to be a little more public with my ideas, thoughts, and reactions to things, but I have a very hard time trusting others, or thinking anyone would agree, and figuring out whether i care or not

[__blossom__]

well if you do not feel it would benefit you in any way to express your feelings around this then it is probably not necessary for you to do so. The reason I have come to a place where i am okay with doing this is because i simply do not give a rats ass what anyone thinks anymore...whether i sound crazy or not. I do not care if anyone agrees with me or thinks i'm a lunatic...i expect people to accept me for what i am and not what I'm not.

To an extent I am the same, though. I can write in a livejournal and tell everyone exactly what is on my mind but in real life you would not be able to get a word out of me unless i really didn't care who you were or what you thought of me. But that is rare because I generally DO care about feeling hurt and have a deep fear of someone not understanding what I am saying.

Nice to know someone feels similar to me though. IT is easy to feel very alone in this.

[jawjatek]

You sound like a mentat. Welcome back.

"It is by will alone I set my mind in motion. It is by the juice of sapho that thoughts acquire speed, the lips acquire stains, the stains become a warning. It is by will alone I set my mind in motion." - Piter De Vries

[__blossom__]

yes, I basically feel like a computer or robot of some description. I do not feel it is in my nature to though...but I think stems from needing a deeper understanding of everything in order to make sense of anything in my life which to me feels chaotic and out of control.

[9322]

*hugs*
I'm still around and would honestly still like to do some music with you. The Julia I know I really feel that I have seen both sides. Regardless, I like you.
My cell number is the only number I have now and my old cell died so I lost yours.
Gimme it so we can get together for a cup of coffee or a jam session :)
Jezz

[__blossom__]

Where are you living these days jezz?

I would like to work on music. However I am going away to a retreat for a while to get my mental health back in order.

I would like to work on an entirely different kind of music. For some reason recently I am more into really mainstream "poppish" stuff. I'd like to do some R&B style vocals for something. I know you are good at producing any kind of music...dunno if yer interested...but this is what inspires me these days.

Hope you are doing well also..

lots of love Jezz..

Jules.