I remember the night you died; sobbing into my pillow, my face hot and wet with endless tears. I kept thinking; everyday after this day takes me further and further from the last time I saw you alive. I remember actually gasping for air when I contemplated the months and years ahead of me without you in them. the thought of not seeing you for a ( Read more... )

as judgemental as an overweight 28 year old in a fruit stripe tee shirt at the mcdonald's drive thru ordering her secret pre-dinner dinner can be.
( Read more... )

What I'm not saying is that I don't think we will survive another year like this. I'm the one who is paying. Your son is paying. When it is finally over, (god knows when) there will be nothing left for you here. Will it have been worth it?

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Every minute of life since then has been marked by his absence, every action has lacked dimension because he is not there to measure against. And when I was young I didn't understand, but now, I know, how absence can be present, like a damaged nerve.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

saw a teeny red dot bug on my windshield and thought of playing War on the porch and you never letting me win. the world is bigger and lonelier now. less kind and less safe.

it's been a bittersweet year, and if anything, I've learned not to hope for better times, but to appreciate it when they come.

I keep trying to pin down the exact moment when it went from I know you to I knew you but my mind keeps shying away from it. I want to experience that moment over and over again; feel the shock and disbelief because right now the thought of you is just numbing and confusing. I'm waiting for the tightness in my chest to ease, but I suppose it gets ( Read more... )

what you had before was pure mercy. you never did a thing to deserve it, so don't complain now that it's taken away.

everyday I have to accomplish different tasks as best I can. the baby needs to be cared for, my grandmother needs to be kept busy, the house needs to be worked on so i can move. through it all though, only one thought is in my mind.
i miss you
i miss you
i miss you

( Read more... )

wishing this overwhelming saddness would show signs of lessening but at the same time holding onto it tightly as if it were the last tangible piece of you.

the worst part is that everyday takes me further away from the last day I saw you. Time is marching me forward- away from you and there is no way to stop it.