The thought of you not being here is terrifying. When you go I will no longer be tethered to this world. You’re the gravity. Without you I’ll just float away.

Some things I like to think about whilst in full blown panic attack:

Do funeral parlors do gel powder manicures?
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The world is too big tonight for me to comfortably exist. I wish I could catch my breathe. I wish I had some Xanax. Everything seems beautiful and terrible and fleeting. I am raw. I need something tangible to ground me.

https://youtu.be/O9yfLGT_ozQ

Sick, lazy day.

Slept in.

Hot milky tea.

Rainy day, window open.

Thundershowers.

Fuzzy blanket, smooshy pillows.

Snuggling with Brendan.

Rocko’s Modern Life.

Things I don’t like about today:

I can’t tell you about it.

I was in the downstairs bathroom about to sit on the toilet when I was gripped with terrible cramps.
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My life feels so small sometimes.

Everyday is about arranging the minutiae of other people's lives. Sometimes I feel like I'm drowning in the ordinary.

I am left wanting.

Right now I'm laying here with Quinn's little body; sweaty and plastered against me. It's dusk. weirdly bright light is filtering in through my open windows and I hear millions of ( Read more... )

I have these reoccurring dreams where I find out you're dead.
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My depression doesn't feel like sadness or despair. It's Anger. It's impatience and annoyance. It's an exhaustion so deep, sometimes breathing seems too arduous a task. It's counting the hours and minutes until bedtime from the moment I open my eyes. It's feeling like a shit mom because I don't have the mental capacity to pay attention to my sons ( Read more... )

I can't remember the last time i felt like someone was in love with me.