i thought i was going to die today. i took like half a gram of my concerta, and i got fucked up. i didnt and dont like it. i thought i was going to overdose on my meds. but i didnt. and im very happy about it. i didnt tell my parents what happened though. but i told them about how i felt during the whole grad. i was craving for anything that would ( Read more... )

the plan was on thursday. i was gonna get fucked up. drink a lot, smoke some pot, take some pills. but i decided not to. good fucking job nobuki. its all so stressful, but i know that i cant do this yet. not just yet. maybe later on life but for sure not on thursday. ill just stick to the other things that i do. maybe ill go karaoke or something. i ( Read more... )

i feel like absolute shit. i want to go get fucked up. get fucked out of my mind and not know what im doing or who i am or what status i currently am in. i want to forget everything in the world and forget the feelings that i have to feel. everything seems to be bullshit. i wish i never did drugs or alcohol or anything of that sort. because its so ( Read more... )

its almost a dull day. but it had that nice mellow steez. i watched home alone 2 and v for vendetta. both nice movies. it was cold today too. so it was a plus. i like it cold. i got bunch of new songs by different bands like the robot ate me, the boy least likely to, say anything, get cape wear cape fly, and metric. theyre all awsome. but right now ( Read more... )

i got glasses today and contacts. its sick. i went to church too. they have this thing where they ask visitors or like people returning to stand up. and normally i ignore it even if i want to stand up. but i had the guts to stand up today. i felt pretty good. i didnt take my meds tonight but i still feel good. i cooked dinner today to. and everyone ( Read more... )

today i went to the tokyo design fest. it was pretty awsome. a lot of good people. looking at their work makes me want to get better. very inspirational too. but over all the trip was fun. i went with matt. and i had such a good time. we met a friend there and like she had bunch of other girls. and one of them were eating a hotdog and drinking a ( Read more... )

today seemed like just another ordinary day. nothing special in the beginning. i got music from ugly casanova, neutral milk hotel and clap your hands say yeah. theyre both pretty cool. i think architecture in helsinki has a new album out. i went on a walk today even though it was raining. it was nice. i rocked out with bright eyes. but like my heel ( Read more... )

so i drew. its all sketchy. i wonder if people use scanners. because like they post it and it looks perfect. maybe i should get a scanner. but yeah dude. i felt like shit. but like when i drew i felt so much better. it works better than drugs i think. and its good that i can think this way. yeah treatment and therapy works. im proud of myself.

( first )

god damnit. i keep getting this anxiety attacks. its like i cant stop worrying. i feel like im about to shatter. it aches. like i have this pain and constant worry. its like im sad and im sad about being sad. well now that i know im in a bad emotional state my art work is going to be good. thats for sure.

its like 3:30 in the afternoon. really nice mellow time of the day. im finally back. may 20th i left. and its been 2 days since im outta utah. lifes retty good so far. i felt like crying but somehow i couldnt. im just blaiming it on my meds. its like that guy in garden state. like how he couldnt cry on his mothers funeral.....the difference being ( Read more... )