I hope we get this/a house soon ( Read more... )

I guess it's because John's been asleep for SEVERAL hours...
and I miss my family, pets, and lumans...and friends...all of whom I don't see enough...
and I always feel somewhat lonely bc it's the human and ptsd condition...

sighhhhh

Some people are such assholes.
Some people are such gems.

WOWOWOW ( Read more... )

my third grade teacher that might be a math prof on john's campus now on some kind of trip ( Read more... )

I'm the best at loving,
and the worst at trusting,
and I'm so tired of being right.
Please, no more of this shit.
I can't keep dealing with it!
I never feel safe.
I always lie when I say that.

I now understand why models have agents and hairstylists and MUA's and keepers...it's an impossible clusterfuck of information and plans to manage, even for an amatuer not remotely legit one like me.
HECTIC

STRESS

ANXIETY

so much to-

It doesn't matter what the reason is, what matters is if it's going to change or not...
because I cannot and will not do this again.

Ugh.

I am so tired all of the time.
I'm so stressed.
Feels like swimming in a hot tub lap pool and expecting to cross an ocean.
I'm scared, I'm sad. I'm sore.
I carry tension like I can't believe.
So much to wait for, so much to do, so much to be over/underwhelmed by.
I feel so exhausted.
And lonely, which barely makes sense.