when you are truly unhappy ( Read more... )

i am DETERMINED to not use my livejournal just for communities.
it is a new years resolution.
life has been good. I know it's been ages since my last post; so this is a pretty drastic change.
but college life has taken some time to get used to.

i'm about ready to lose it completely
i fucking want to kill myself and have you watch
would you like that?
i want to watch you sob like a fucking baby.
watch me
watch me
i'll do it; you coward.

hey so.
here are the things that matter most in my life right now
in this order:
God.
Led Zeppelin.
Heath Ledger as "The Joker."

i'm not even kidding a little bit.
my life is melting away in grease and plastic.
help me remember.

"i wish i knew how to quit you."

i need help.
my mom doesnt believe me.
i need help.

i am so tired all the time.
it's in my bones.
in my lungs.
in my skin and blood.
i am so fucking tired.

i can't even tell my emotions apart now.
they just blend together.
i'm raw fucking emotion.

and i smoke.

how the fuck did this happen?

so i'm a fool.

more later.

apparently i'm a bitch.
who knew.

i'm so fucking sick of this high school bullshit. only 30 more days til i graduate.
seriously.
get me the fuck out of here.

can anyone else relate to this ( Read more... )

i just realized now my last post has two meanings.
i didn't even think of the abstinence part of it. 
i just thought that if the love is true; it can wait a little while because nothing will stop those two people from being together.

that's basically what i'm holding on to.