i think i am actually starting to get better about al this. i think i figured out that i am repeating a pattern i've been in my whole life. when i was in elementary school no one liked me and not having friends and wanting them consumed me. it drove me nuts to care so much that people liked me. i stoped caring in middle school and started to make ( Read more... )

i have to stop being such a baby. i have a great life. i have a wonderful fiance who loves and supports me and makes everyday better just by smiling when he looks into my eyes. i have the best dog anyone could ever ask for and i have family and friends who love me very much. i just can't be with them now and that's ok. i need to take control of my ( Read more... )

alright, i am determind to get back to the point in my life where i was figuring out who i was and not just at a stand still. for three years i have been miserable and doing myself no good. i used to sit outside and feel the fall coming and let go of the years pain and reset. i need more air. so i am going to start making this happen for real. i am ( Read more... )

i got some idea in my head to hang myself the way bud did the other day when i was upset. i have been thinking about killing myself in one way or another a lot lately and it sort of popped into my head that it would be easy to do it that way. it makes me so scared and a little while ago i was sitting there by myself not even really upset and i ( Read more... )

sometimes i wonder if she thinks about me. if she still cares. if she knows that i love her. i just wonder.

i need to be more. i need to be more. i can't stand what i have become. i need to be more.

two worlds apart ( Read more... )

you were santuary in the eye of the storm and shelter for a well worn tragic frame ( Read more... )

i really hate what i put myself through. i need to admit i ned help. i need to be balanced. i cna go on forever feeling so worthless and second rate. i'm really not. i'm a good, hard working person with a lot of untapped talent. i need a push and i good leveler. someone or something fucking help me feel ok. help me become what i want to be or ( Read more... )

why is the light that surrounds me negative ( Read more... )