Comments | _marriedlife_: needing some advice on boundary setting

ragdollgirl in _marriedlife_

needing some advice on boundary setting

Nov 24, 2007 08:19

so, apparently i have issues with boundaries....and now that it's been shown to me, i need some help ( Read more... )

Comments 27

unbreakablelife November 24 2007, 15:00:31 UTC

your husband has forbidden you from seeing your friend? That screams controlling to me. Its that i would be most worried about.

It also seems your friend need to be alot less trusting. But even so your DH should not be telling you who you can and cant be friends with. It seems your dh and your friend have the issues not you.

bestdaywelived November 24 2007, 15:00:48 UTC

You're a grown woman. Your friend did something really, really dumb, but your husband is so NOT the boss of you. I agree with the boundary control - your husband should not be deciding who you can or can not be friends with, unless there is an affair/trust issue.

silverlightstar November 24 2007, 15:01:57 UTC

If your friend asked you to intervene, then I don't see a problem with it. Since it was her kid (smart kid, if you ask me) that called (and then your friend), then I would have went as well.

As for boundaries, it's one thing if your friend is in huge trouble (and could use the help of local police); it's another if it's a small thing she needs help with. It's really a type of checks and balances.

clairespawprint November 24 2007, 15:08:07 UTC

Having boundary issues would be more like if you let this friend's behaviour influence your own thoughts and behaviour. Or if you let a messed up friend interfere with your ordinary life. I don't think either is happening.

I think your HUSBAND has "boundary" issues, because YOU get to pick your friends, he doesn't. Right?

clairespawprint November 24 2007, 15:10:17 UTC

PS maybe you just need to talk to him about it. What does he say when you tell him you are choosing your own friends? Is this an issue where he is really trying to control you? Maybe you guys will need to think about counselling - or you could go on your own to get some insight into how to respond to his demands.

ragdollgirl November 24 2007, 15:42:28 UTC

it's not that he chooses anyone for me or anything like that...my husband is very protective, and she has done things in the past that i didn't wanna go into on here that have made him feel as though she isn't a decent person to deal with...and he's okay with me making choices and whatnot...but when she potentially put me into danger, THAT was what made him say what he did...

mactavish November 24 2007, 20:28:26 UTC

Perhaps you should have called the cops, but you're an adult, you get to decide about that.

If you don't want to be her friend because you think she isn't a decent person to deal with, that's up to you.

aerynmoo November 24 2007, 15:15:01 UTC

I think you did a brave thing to help your (stupid) friend. Your husband has no business forbidding you from seeing anyone. Your friend maybe needs some therapy though.