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i could throw you out into the ocean
last nite i had a bunch of more crazy dreams. it's been a month now since i talked to t, and it just makes me feel sadder every single day. i miss him and now i know that i love him and want to be with him but i think he hates me. i saw that he deleted our group chat with his other friend and it made me so sad inside. he wants to forget about me. i ( Read more... ) -
the bad place
today is the full moon and i'm just thinking of course about t. we would meet up all the time on the full moon (just by chance) and it would always rain. it was really nice and i wanted to tell him more about how i feel about him but i guess it's better that i didn't. i miss him every single minute of everyday and it hurts that he doesn't think ( Read more... ) -
i feel the same
this week i decided to see a psychic for the first time and see if they could offer me any insight since therapy doesn't work. i saw this psychic, Ron for the first time and he seemed like a cool and trustworthy dude. he had the best reviews on google so that says a lot! the only thing is that we recorded the sesh and he was supposed to send it to ( Read more... ) -
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i just realized i am afraid that i'm going to die and never have experienced unconditional love. nobody will ever love me they way i love and it hurts so badly.
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fuck i burnt the fucking roof of my mouth last nite on mashed potatoes. it reached the point in the day where i had given up on life and they were cold and i didn't feel like going back upstairs to heat them up. but that one tiny little part that is like molten lava will get ya everytime! i pulled a sheet of skin off the roof of my mouth, yikes ( Read more... ) -
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Monday; 8:46am: i want this fucking week to end
this week is going to be a TRUE test of endurance for me. i'm feeling so down and depressed, but A & B are coming here to see me all the way from oregon!! i have to put on my fakest happy smile. i am truly happy to see them, but right now i just feel like there's nothing to be happy about. my heart is ( Read more... ) -
some thoughts
i just wanna scream and cry. i feel really empty inside and i hate this feeling. i deserve to have my feelings hurt. i'll probably be alone forever. he doesn't want to be with me. he'll never love me. nobody will ever love me. i want to just sleep for one million days. i'm so exhausted. wish i could just fade away for a while.....
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i feel like for once i should talk about what's *actually* going on with me and in my life. it's a lot. i moved out of C's place but there was so much leading up to that. i joined a movie club and met a guy that i really like. it wasn't intentional and i didn't want to hurt C, but what's worse is that the dude is married. we started just talking ( Read more... ) -
a dream
last nite i had another weird ass dream about having a bunch of boyfriends (or possibly men who are in close proximity to me who do horrible things to me so the same thing?)
i went over to this house with all these people and one of the guys was my bf and we had sex and he was trying to do a weird thing to me(???) i felt scared of him and then his ( Read more... ) -
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holy hell! i wish somebody would have mercy on a fucking idiot every now and again (me). i'm at work right now thinking that at my desk rubbing my temples like just treat me like a motherfucking braindead idiot today folks, and break down everything you say in the manner of a puppet (preferably a cussin' one).
my mind feels fried both mentally ( Read more... )