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[piratestorm]

I was told early on that I was adopted. I think I was 3 or 4 when I found out. I saw a lady who was pregnant and I asked my mom if that where I came from. And she told me the story:

My parents had already adopted my two older sisters, one who is from upstate New York and the other who is from Soel Korea.
Apparently my "biological mother" who was not

Comments

[piratestorm]

i think about that everyday...the connection i have with my son, and how some people take it for granted...so far he is the only person i feel like i have something in common with...

[ithoughtsheknew]

I'm sitting here, tearful...and fearful. ::sigh:: My husband and I adopted a beautiful baby girl almost 6 years ago (that's her on my icon). Sarah's adoption was open...her birthmother chose us to parent Sarah 8 days before her birth. Sarah's situation is a little bit like yours in that her birthmother had already had a child, Sarah's 1/2 brother the year before. Sarah knows about her brother...we've been very open about everything, telling her that Carolyn may have had her in her tummy, but mommy & daddy already knew her in their hearts and dreams

[piratestorm]

we have spoken about this in the past (very past)...and they told me that when i turn 18 if i want to i can go threw the lawyer and try to find them...well i turned 18 and i just couldnt face it. i got scared. i freaked. and now since ive had my son, i wonder about them. but im just scared of what might happen. i think about things like, whats my family history are there any medical problems i should know about...i should worry about in my son.
the last time i spoke about this was at least 6 years ago...and i havent brought it up since. at least not to anyone close to me.

[ithoughtsheknew]

Okay, go to your mom and dad and lay it all out...they know you best and, believe me, they probably already have a general idea of your fears because I'm certain they have the same ones too. No mom, no matter how old their child is, doesn't want to see them hurt or upset. I'm 45 and had to have a pep talk about 2 weeks ago from my 72 year old mom. :) I was feeling insecure about something and she told me what I needed to hear. I'm thinking your mom and dad can and will do the same for you if you'll only give them the chance.

They've wanted you to wait until you're 18...old enough to handle situations that might arise...this is just my thinking...I may be way off.

Maybe, now that you have your son, you can put aside your fears and take a different angle on the whole situation...you want to find out about medical history. Just keep it simple...see how that feels and see what kinds of doors might open. The first step is always the hardest...just jump, girl...just do it.

[deepfire]

I would say your adoptive parents are the place to start to get your questions answered now that you're an adult. They're going to have paperwork or at least the name of the attorney. Even in a closed adoption there's a paper trail of some kind. The hard part is when the state is involved and it is a state that seals the records

[piratestorm]

my mom has shown me the paper work...at least what she has. but i was young when she showed me, and didnt understand it all. im just to scared to talk to them, i know they wouldnt mind. but i dont think im ready...since ive had my son things have changed, i mean i do but im just too scared.

[7rin]

I was "the only one given away" too. I'm 36 now, and have only just got around to starting to look properly (as in, getting in touch with the local Social Services). I'm still waiting to hear from them 'cause they've got a huge amount of work to do, and so I'm looking at a three month wait (one month now, since it was a couple of months ago that I got in touch).

It's down to you whether you're ready to take the bull by the horns and try to find stuff out. I'd like to say "make sure you're ready for it first", but I'm not sure that there can ever be a time where someone's 'ready' for something so major to them.

Good luck with working it all out.

[piratestorm]

thank you! and your right its just a matter of when your ready...i thought i was ready, but now im not so sure.

[_ibmeubu]

I know this post is from months ago but I just had to comment. I am also adopted with an older brother and a younger half sister who my birth mother kept. I was the middle child, only one given up. I just wanted to let you and 7rin know that I appreciate both of you sharing your stories. I always hated that I was the only one given away and that has caused some apathy towards finding my family. It's really comforting to me now that I know I'm not the only one. So thank you.