My grandparent's 65th anniversary is this year, and my Uncle Danny and his family came down from Montana to visit them. So I'm  scrolling through Facebook and I see this picture of my grandparents, my Uncle Danny's family (him, my Auntie Linda, their son Tachie and daughter Tina with her son Conner), and my dad. My knee jerk thought was, "Mom's not ( Read more... )

I've seriouisly forgotten about LJ but I still rememebred my password.

In just about three weeks I'll be back in Arizona.

I'm excited to see my friends and family, and go to the renn faire in February, but I'm nervous at the same time.

I was feeling... I don't know... but this evening I went through the 2,842 emails that I had on my gmail account and out of all of them I only had ONE from my mom. I use to delete everything when I got it in, but somewhere along the line I stopped deleting emails.

I just her so much, in every way possible.

Apparently I am dating three men. Two are married with lovely wives who I am friends with, and the other is my boyfriend of 2+ years that I live with.

I don't know how this happened.

Sometimes all I can do is think about mom. I try to, most days, forget my family life. If I act like all my life consists of is my bubble in Portland then I don't have to remember who I'm missing.

I have $0.09 in my checking account.

I have enough money in savings for June's bills, but I have $0.09 in my checking account. I can't buy gas or food without dipping into monies set aside for rent or phone bill.

And then there are the nights that I cannot sleep. I have no affliction, save depression, that should keep me from slumber. I haven’t been over stimulated by caffeine or a book I haven’t finished reading, I’m just awake ( Read more... )

What are dreams? Wikipedia (reliable source I know): Dreams are successions of images, ideas, emotions, and sensations that occur involuntarily in the mind during certain stages of sleep. I really don’t believe that there is much more to that ( Read more... )

Sometimes I really wonder how dogs live their lives. Are they as aware as we are? Do they have a sense of love and loss ( Read more... )

I am just so tired. I cry. Every day. Every damn day. I miss her so much I can't breathe at times. I'm sad. Always sad. It hurts and I can't make it stop. Everything makes me remember, remember her and that I don't have her anymore. No one to make it better. No one who is a best friend who'd never leave me, never want anything from me besides to be ( Read more... )