I'm such a mess.
I'm terrified of being a failure.
I miss the person I used to be.
I was so strong last year.
Why did you have to transfer?
I'm such a wreck without you <3

I've given much thought about starting cutting again.
I think I may.

I think living on my own this summer may very well drive me crazy.
or kill me.

I'm terrified of leaving home. I'm breaking my parents hearts by leaving.
I'm scared of my grandfather dying while I'm gone.

I'm terrified that if I fuck this internship up my life is gone.

I'm terrified of ( Read more... )

I like to pride myself in the fact that I have mastered one night stands and friends with benefits.
I tell everyone who asks why I haven't had a boyfriend in years, or why my last excuse for a boyfriend only lasted a month that it's because I rather be alone and I'm no good at relationships, that I don't want to be loved.
In reality I'm just trying ( Read more... )

I've been in treatment for three months.
I've gained back six pounds.
I can not stop eating.
I feel disgusting.
I hate myself.
I plan on losing the weight again.
If my family knew, it'd break their hearts.

I have two eating disorders at once.
I go back and forth between binge eating and anorexia.
I can lose twenty pounds in under two months.
I like it. no. I love it.

I just wish I could control myself and never eat again...

my self control was never that great...

I've regressed after several years of having my depression under control.
I've been started back on anti depressants.
I hate this feeling. I hate being the "crazy" girl.

 
I have acted horribly the past three days. We have had family visiting for out of town and I have done nothing but eat, eat, eat, and eat. I have not worked out at all except for once and have been over eating on nothing but pure junk food. It has not done wonders for my stomach which has been in a painful knot since I have been overloading it ( Read more... )

 I'm tired.
I love working on my day off.
I'm also hungry.
ugh.

 tick tock tick tock...

 Lately I have become interested in those who have eating disorders.
While I do not envy them in any way, except maybe their thinness, I am entralled with the fact that these guys and girls can possibly live on only 200 calories a day while they work off 700 during exercise. I alone eat 215 calories a day just for breakfast, which includes a bowl of ( Read more... )