I can be cruel. I have been cruel the past week or so. I don't know what prompts it...but I am so mean some times...to my family. I take out all of my insecurties and anger over being lonely on them. I wish I could take this peice of me and destroy it forever. I feel like im losing control over it.

I was at thier house twice this week......he seemed fine. Drinking, but nothing scarey..not even that moody ( Read more... )

Today was a gorgess day. I slept through most of it ( Read more... )

I hope he calls. I'd like to meet him for dinner. To at least think he's interested in getting to know me and that Friday night was NOT stupid drunken mess. So he can leave me with that passionate little memory before he is whisked away to Russia ( Read more... )

Why can't i be "the one" to someone?

Whats soo wrong with me that i can't be beautiful, like really beautiful to someone?

Why am i left behind?

I am sooooo fucking tired, i am soo fucking sick of being the left overs.

why cant i be the one, for once in my fucking life?

what makes me soo ugly and soo undesirable?

More than anything, I want to feel and be in love.

I must have some kind of low-grade depression. I think I've had it most of my life ( Read more... )

I've taken to eating frosting again....chocolate frosting...only now i've begun dipping it on cocoa ( Read more... )

I realize today that I miss my mother. She hasn't gone anywhere..but over the past 10 or so years she has sunk into this world of self-centered self pitty. I know she loves me more than anything. She's very thoughful. While I was away in Ireland this summer for six weeks she bought me those little canisters for the countertop and brought in my mail ( Read more... )

This week was not good....I ate on average 3,000 calories.. I need to get back on track ( Read more... )