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[ailleurs]

It occurred to me whilst I was out for a long walk (by myself) this afternoon that I have no friends. Although it is true that I do not suffer from a poverty of acquaintances and people to hang out with of an evening, I have no friends. By 'friends' I mean people to whom I am very close and whose absence or loss would be tantamount to a hole or a

Comments

[dabroots]

I know that feeling, although I have two friends going back to my early 20s (that's thirty years ago) who I still consider quite dear to me, although I communicate with them rarely and often have little idea of how, or what they're doing.

[idahoswede]

Out of curiosity, do you know why?

[ailleurs]

I can't decide whether it points to a lack of empathy on my part or whether it's because I frequently end up feeling fragmented and insincere when I'm around others for long periods of time. Either way, though, the net result is the same: I disengage and wall myself off.

[apperception]

That's like my life, except I don't hang out with anyone either.

[ponygirl2000]

I think all relationships wax and wane. I've gone through periods with very close friends where I've thought our connection was ultimately meaningless, just as at other times I realize I very much need their support. There's nothing wrong with admitting that sometimes you need space or that at other times you need more closeness. There are times too with the people we see most often that we lose interest in the narrative of their lives, there are just too many mundane details and it becomes easy to forget why they interested us in the first place.

[markmc03]

I understand what you mean but I have found, after years of angst and stressing, that I find greatest comfort from being my own best friend. Perhaps I am overly cynical, but I have found very few people in my life I could trust completely. But finding that peace and comfort within myself for myself, I am at peace with the rest of the world.

That doesn't mean that I can't enjoy the company of others. But I find life a whole lot less complicated when I don't rely on others.

I hope you find peace with this too. You should always be full.

Me? I'm full of it. :)