I was taking a five hour driving course last weekend. I was bored as shit but otherwise fine. Then the subject of seat-belts came up and the teacher explained that if someone were to merely hold a kid on their lap it could still be a danger, because, and I quote "What happens if the car crashes? Your passenger's arms fly out out of reflex and ( Read more... )

Indeed it is. For those of you who have not heard this work of musical brilliance (I'm guessing all of you) it's a very obscure little instrumental tune by Frank Zappa. It also lead me to think about people I know named Suzy, or Susie as one girl I know prefers to spell it. Which actually makes me wonder why we don't see any Soozziis wandering ( Read more... )

What is the problem with auto-erotic asphyxiation? If some crazy folk are dying because they are strangling themselves while saying hi to their monsters, shouldn't we just be happy that they aren't going to be passing their faulty genetic material on? Except on the floor in front of them of course.

Picture, for a moment, a flat, smooth rock, perfectly round and just big enough to fit the palm of your hand. It is jet black and slightly cool to the touch, as if it has been recently pulled from the bed of a clear mountain stream. Running through the center of this stone is a small crack, which, after years of being polished by the river is no ( Read more... )

My where has the time gone? Sometimes when I think back to the good ol' days (IE: a few weeks ago) when bountiful verbalisms poured from my fingertips into this livejournal as easily as a pitcher of molten poop flows out onto... well someone who likes that sort of thing. The thing is, after a certain amount of time writing in this thing, I ( Read more... )

Upon a bit of paper, smeared ( Read more... )

I may just have been lying on that entry below. So don't look down anymore. I will know if you do. I have my ways.

Killing the livejournal today. As there is a blog section on myspace I'll move the more interesting entries there and continue being weird in one defined place.

I was talking to my sister today and she mentioned that she had just seen the movie "March of the Penguins". For those of you who may not have heard of this movie, it is a documentary about... well, penguins. Now I have not seen the movie myself because I avoid documentaries almost as religiously as I avoid eating more than 3 bowls of puppies a ( Read more... )

Ok I once again need investors for a fabulous new product I have recently invented. This product is guaranteed to sell so well it will make sliced bread look like crystal pepsi. It is a refreshing water based chocolaty drink with sluts as the target market. The name? Why YooHoe of course.