So I got a single response when I said hi to him I still do not want to talk to you...........................................................a sword through the heart, the worst part is I seduced him, he asked for sex, the next morning he regretted it, and says I took advantage of him, and will not speak to me a month later he still will not talk ( Read more... )

SO I have reread the entries for 2010 to see if I can get some perspective. It is interesting that I saw things so clearly and so poorly at the same time ( Read more... )

So life has been as fucked up as I predicted it would become, and I am as I knew I would be not in a good place, and not particularly happy with my self, the world, David.......................ANYWAY I am writing beacuse I need to say that I am a andry manuplative, conniving, self centered bastard. this is something I have to keep reminding myself ( Read more... )

What does it say about me that, while I am madly in love with someone, who I am pretty sure at this point will never want me to be anything other than a friend, I continually work to get more and more info on his life.................and at every turn I find a piece here and a piece there that says I am once more going to be out in the cold, not ( Read more... )

I am stupid.......................really stupid

that is all

Sometimes it is both good and necessary, to look at oneself and have the knee jerk reaction of complete disgust.............provided that the response is not apathy ( Read more... )

" I sit beside the fire and think, of all that I have seen of meadow-flowers and butterflies in summers that have been ( Read more... )

It is strange when for once I turn my over analyzing on my self, I find that I am gloriously dumb ( Read more... )

I am having one of the most cliche and in many way horribly degrading emotional crisis at the moment ( Read more... )

A conversation that kinda sums up my life, although if I had been completely honest, I would have listed Eduardo, and David, and may be even Ben on the list, but since I was talking to David, and having him know how I feel would fuck up life, I left him out, and Ben because he did not jump to my head...............I want a relationship with a guy I ( Read more... )