I can't even count the times I've had a package of uncooked bacon, some aluminum foil, and a trusty belt-fed machine gun. Now I know what to do next time this happens!
This is just not right. When I come home from work, the keyboard and mouse on my desk are supposed to be knocked askew, and a large lump of cat should be laying there. When I sit down, a loud rumbling noise is supposed to begin emanating from an indeterminate source.