Ben and I will have been dating for a year next Wednesday. That's insane to even think about. It seems like just yesterday I couldn't see myself with anyone after Josh and I then the whole guy fiasco in Fairbanks, I figured guys would be out of my life for a while. I was wrong. We're trying to plan something special, but it's really hard during ( Read more... )

Well it's been a little while. That's for sure. It's just that when I come home i'm so tired and not usually really in the mood to do any work on the computer considering I now spend most of my time at work on the computer. Speaking of, work is going fairly well. They seem to be happy with me. Although it's slightly frustrating because one ( Read more... )

Nothing much really is going on. This weekend was a lot of fun down in Homer. It was nice to get out of the city type life and onto the ocean. It was so pretty. I was hoping for better weather but eh what can you do. I caught a halibut on a salmon pole. It's lucky I didn't loose it. I'm going to try and post pictures this weekend ( Read more... )

It's funny. After everything i've been through, with so much to regret, I don't. I don't regret any of it. I feel my choices lead me places for a reason. Take the Chris situation for example. Had I not gone up to Fairbanks, I would have never known and would have always wondered. That year up there, after Josh, it proved to me that I could ( Read more... )

And for a fourth night in a row I can tell i'm going to cry myself to sleep. I can't help it. I just begin to think about it, and it kills me inside. What's funny is it's not for sure know, but it's just like you know. He knows, I know, yet we both pretend that it will go away if we ignore it. He's stopped, but we both know it's too late. It' ( Read more... )

I've cried myself to sleep the past two nights. I tried confiding in him and he rolled over and said not a word, like I had just told him I had an itch. Everything is just bull shit. I don't understand how he expects me to not have any plans and no friends so I can spend every chance he gets with him. But he's allowed to have friends and do ( Read more... )

I wish I could say, but just thinking about the possibility makes me fall apart. Only one person knows. I just don't know, and I don't want to think about it if I don't have to, but I may have to be stronger than i think I could muster and getting it out of my system now would help. I just, I don't know. I wish I knew what to do.

restless, like a caged animale, I need out. The summer is always the hardest for me. There's something about the sun being out so late, it makes me want to travel.

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