I guess I'm just annoyed at myself. I feel really down for no reason, which is annoying. I'm studying for the CPA but just feel so defeated. I've been gaining weight and feel like a fat piece of lard. I have no money. I miss my friends and NY. I feel like everyone around me is living their life and my life is on hault. Maybe once I start working ( Read more... )

It has been a very long time since I have wrote anything in here and I'm not sure why that is. Maybe its just that a lot has happened and I haven't wanted to deal with any of it. About exactly a year ago I started dating squid(mike) and I fell hard. Everything was great even though I had mono at the end of the year. Our first date we went to jakes ( Read more... )

Hello Livejournal ( Read more... )

So I had sex with Zack Price. more than once and it is great. but thats all it is. and I just left his room because to some extent i just feel like im an object and to some extent thats okay because thats all i want to be. I want to feel nothing and be numb to everything. i want to not deal with my feelings ever. it has nothing to do with zack. ( Read more... )

There is always a topic I would rather avoid. A topic that is too painful and too real, but at times I have no choice but to address it because if I don't it will just esculate. And of course that topic is my father. I've made alot of mistakes recently when it comes to boys, especially James. Most importantly, I am scared that if I don't act a ( Read more... )

for the first time in a long time i can honestly say im happy with no strings attached, just happy. i spent the weekend(well saturday) with john. we watched edward scissorhands and snl with sean and mark. i think i really really like him. to be honest i was angry at him the day before for me having to babysit his drunkness. but thru everything we ( Read more... )

so i go back to school sunday and im really excited to see everyone again. i think i finally have come to terms with everything and am happy to be single. i realize how unfair it was for me to pressure alex itno a relationship when the reason im not with jake is b/c i dont want a relationship. i think that this semester if i can keep everything in ( Read more... )

i am currently on winter break and can not wait to go back to manhattan. altho break over all has been good. i hung out with jake alil bit and saw nine with him and henry and al. i think its nice that we are all friends. bryan finally came out which is a i told you so moment lol, but im happy he is finally being himself. ive talked to alex here and ( Read more... )

all i want is for jesse to call me/ text me/ make some effort showing that he still cares..thats all i want and it hurts so bad knowing how stupid i am and how stupid i feel and that he doesnt deserve it but i feel it anyway

the first thought im thinking currently is that im scared im never giong to amount to anything..thats my greatest fear..that i will work my ass off and never get anywhere..ill end up alone and scared..i need a confidence booster right about now....so moving onto my live jake and i are officially broken up for real for good forever...he has ( Read more... )