i know the reason i can't sleep- my brain won't shut up.  if you know me you may think i never shut up, but compared to my brain i am mute.  everything about my life is up in the air right now and i'm just waiting for it to fall and hit me in the head.  maybe even give me a concussion.  i need things to settle down before i can settle down.  and i ( Read more... )

i'm so tired.  i haven't slept in days and i don't know why.  it's driving me nuts.  i'm used to not sleeping much but usually i can get a couple hours a night.  not this week and i have no explanation why.  i need sleep and can't get it.  i'm so sick of lying awake staring at the ceiling.  if i could actually make practical use of the time that ( Read more... )

have you ever been building something and you're trying to hold the pieces you have together while you add the final piece?  or been in the position where all you have to do is add one more nail and then you can let go and look at what you've made?  i feel like that right now.  like i'm looking at the pieces of my life before me and all i need is ( Read more... )

it should have been mine.  i deserved it.   i earned it.  i wanted it.  it should have been mine, but it's not.

there are some things that just shouldn't happen.  one of them happened tonight.  i'm not going to say i was over what happened because that would be a lie but i was getting there.  i was making progress.  then he wants to talk about my life.  i told him to have a nice life but i didn't want to talk about mine.  i thought i was clear that i couldn' ( Read more... )

i hate feeling like this.  i feel cornered.  trapped.  stuck.  i don't know what to do.  at this point it seems like i have no options.  i can't stay where i am but i have no where to go.  i hate not knowing.  this is the FIRST time in my life that i have not known what my next step is.  i sincerely hope it's the last.  i'm working on grad school ( Read more... )

you didn't want to talk to me.  you didn't want to be friends.  you told me you loved me, then told me you had just been manipulating me.  you were never there for me.  you lied and cheated.  you used me.  at least you admitted it.  and then you IM me and want to chat.  it's been almost a month since you called me and ended the conversation by ( Read more... )

i hate that i have problems letting go of certain emotions.  love, hate, anger, sadness, frustration.  i know that by not letting go i'm hurting myself and not the person the person that is the object of that emotion ( Read more... )

i hate it when you have something you really need to say but you can't because the time just isn't right.  so i'm sitting here, thinking of the things i need to say, and waiting.

so i'm not sure why all of this is in my brain right now but i can't really help thinking about all the ways i've failed, all the shit in my life right now, all the things that have gone wrong, all the things i could have done better, all the people i've let down.  basically everything looks really bleak right now ( Read more... )