it's amazing how one thing can make everything else seem so pointless.  that was my day.  today made so many of my worries and fears seem so completely irrelevant and immaterial.  right now everything looks small and meaningless.  it's going to be so hard to move past today.  it seems like by comparison the rest of my life doesn't matter.  and i ( Read more... )

i'm serious.  I'm actually making progress.  it's like all i had to do this whole time was set a deadline.  i had to much time to get all of this done so i didn't have the motivation to do it.  now that i'm forcing myself to the new deadline of november 1st and not january-july when this shit is actually due i have a reason to work on it NOW.  it ( Read more... )

everyone makes them, life is full over them, there is no way to prevent them.  and i'm ok with that.  what i hate is when i keep making the same mistake over and over again.  or when i continue making a mistake even after i realize that it's a mistake.  i think i can honestly say that i learn from my mistakes most of the time.  i also realize i'm ( Read more... )

so i knew something wasn't going to happen.  reason, logic, common sense all said no.  but i still hoped.  it didn't make sense and it wasn't likely.  but it was still possible.  was.  so now i know it isn't going to happen and i need to move on.  ok.  that would be a lot easier if i weren't stuck with nothing changing.  i really need things to ( Read more... )

so i'm fine with people venting to me because i understand completely that sometimes you just need to say something.  what i don't get is people complaining when someone else does the same things to them as they did to me.  as in Person A does something to me, later Person A complains that Person B did that to them.  and Person A doesn't realize.  ( Read more... )

have you ever had a friend realize how upset you are before you did?  so i was talking to a friend of mine on aim and out of no where he asked if i was ok.  as soon as i saw that i felt like i was going to cry.  not because i was upset even though i was but because he knows me well enough to be able to tell something is wrong over aim and he cared ( Read more... )

so i have two job interviews today downtown.  i'm not quite sure how i feel about them.  either of the jobs would be ok but they're definitely not my dream job.  the commute would also be a huge pain in the ass.  i think the fact that i'm not really psyched about either job is why i'm not that nervous.  hopefully that won't happen and hopefully i ( Read more... )

so i didn't realize how late in the year it had gotten.  it's the end of september and i haven't done anything!  it's been four months since i graduated and i can't account for all that time.  i think it's because for the first time the new semester didn't really mean anything for me.  i mean, yes my friends had to pack and go back to school but i ( Read more... )

have you ever felt like everything in your life was completely wrong?  not bad, just wrong.  off.  like when your watching a movie and the sound track doesn't fit the picture.  i'm stuck as a sine-wave and the rest of the world seems quite content as cosine.  180 degrees out of phase.  that's how i feel right now.  it's weird that i'm having ( Read more... )

this summer i have been unfailingly optimistic.  as anyone who has ever spent more than five minutes will tell you i am not optimistic.  on any level.  i try not to be pessimistic and often consider myself a realist but in all honest i am much more inclined toward pessimism than optimism.  so the fact that i have honestly been convinced all summer ( Read more... )