Ok i didn't eat anything yesterday and it 7pm and i haven't eaten anything today.  I think i'm going to fast for at least a week, i don't even feel like i want to eat at all.  I'm at 138.2 which is lower than i have been (this time around anyways).   I think i want to fast till i hit 120 lol  We will see, either i'll probably end up eating ( Read more... )

 I fucking ate over 800 calories yesterday, thats the first time i haven't been able to control my eating, grrrr.  And of all things it was fried pork chops......I DON'T EVEN LIKE PORK!  Shit i haven't even eaten meat in at least 6 months. I am totally stalled at losing weight too.  I have been between 138-140 for forever now i just keep going up ( Read more... )

I should want and enjoy helping them with homework, i should want and enjoy playing with them, i should want and enjoy them being around me,i should want and enjoy seeing them grow up, i should want and enjoy cooking them dinner, i should want and enjoy everything about them.........but i don't......i do these things, but i don't want to.  I'd ( Read more... )

 I am really sick.  I haven't been able to talk in like 4 days now and my throat is all swollen up.  I can't barley swallow because it really hurts.  I guess that the plus side is that i don't want to even think about having to swallow food.  I should probably go to the doctor, but i can't.  I look like fucking hell and they will probably lock me ( Read more... )

 I am 138lbs.  I finally broke the 140 mark!  Now my next goal of 129 lol  I can do this and i will do this.


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 I drank last night and to top it off i only had eaten 135 calories until the alcohol lowered my inhibitions and i ate a fried chicken strip and about a cup of corn (unsalted and unbuttered) and that put my total food calories at almost 500.  Fuck me.


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 Two days in a row of not drinking!  The couple days i didn't drink last week were never in a row.  I\m proud of myself for having the control to not drink.  It's way worse than not eating for me, but hopefully now that it's been a couple days it should get easier and maybe i will let myself have a drink this weekend.
My weight has really been going ( Read more... )

 Ok I drank yesterday, again i fail.  But I am done.  I haven't lost any weight in 2 days and even gained a pound.  I have been eating like 200 calories for forever now.  FUCK ALCOHOL.  This is the last straw, no more........IT's 3:26pm now and i haven't eaten anything and i'm not going to eat anything today.  Fresh start with a fast day and no ( Read more... )

 Ok so i only went 3 days without alcohol since my last post.  I'm such a fucking failure.  To top it off I was down to 140lbs yesterday then this morning i was almost 142.  I have only been eating about 100-300 calories a day for a couple weeks now.  God I wish I could just stop drinking, those are the calories that are keeping me a fat fucking ( Read more... )

 Seriously I need stop drink alcohol every night.  My fat is feeding off those alcohol calories.  I think I am a borderline alcoholic, I just get so fucking anxious at night if i don't have any.  But I have to decide what i want more.....to be skinny or to have alcohol....Skinny wins.  So 'm not going to stop 100%, but I can't drink everyday, way ( Read more... )