I know, I know....

[anahata56]

It's been a long time since I've been here. In all honesty, life has been busy at best, crushingly so at worst. And I've found myself in this wordless place--probably because I've found myself in a place that has had life and circumstances swirling so madly around me that there has been no space to think a thought, let alone craft a sentence worthy

Comments

[ladyqkat]

I have not read all of the comments (my attention span is very limited) but I do have one thing to ask you - except for the Christianity* thing, when did you take over my brain and my life?

I am still working on the anger bit and it has been nearly three years. Of course the fact that I can afford no medical care, let alone mental health care, could be a major part of the molassesy slowness of my recovery.

I think of you often and I knew you had some major, major issues to deal with concerning not only your parents but many of your blood relations as well. Like sordak, the_paulr is a good friend as well as spouse to have around. Neither one may be able to take the baggage from either of us, but their strength can help us carry it a bit further.

Libra-sister, even though we have never met in meat space, I do love you. You were a calming rock when I needed a bit of an anchor. I don't know if I can repay the favor, but I would like to try. ♥HUGS♥

*They had, even though they couldn't see it, other hooks to hang the conditions on.

[anahata56]

One of the reasons for Frank is that I'm tired of dumping all of this on my husband's shoulders.

He deserves better than that.

But yes--I don't know if it's generational, or if it still happens, but this kind of relationship with parents seems to recur over and over again.

[anahata56]

It IS apt, isn't it? All about pain and bondage and punishment. Very interesting that so many Christians think of the cross as a place of extreme love--where God demonstrated love by punishing and imprisoning his own son. Perfect love, demonstrated in the sacrifice of the loved one, in pain, in punishment, in gore, in death.

Horrifying, isn't it? That they cannot think of perfect love in any way that is connected with anything healthy and full of life?

But Yahweh demands blood sacrifice, doesn't he? And he could choose NOT to demand it--there is no reason for him TO demand it. He just does--because that's how he rolls.

It's astonishing that this picture, this sacrifice, generates an almost idolatrous response in the hearts of Christians, when it is so random and so arbitrary and so cruel.

And I guess it's as good an excuse as any to encourage cruelty in Yahweh's followers--because that's how THEY want to roll.

It proves that they're following in his image.

[saavik]

Belle, reading your post and all the comments here is like looking at a hologram of my own life.

[anahata56]

I'm not so arrogant or insensitive to believe that this is only happening or HAS only happened to me. I think, unfortunately, that it's more common than we'd like to think.

[saavik]

I hope I'm not either, but I think we (all of us) are each *isolated* because we were "carefully taught".

[thoughtsbykat]

((Hugs)) I'm sorry that those that are supposed to love you unconditionally haven't been. Take care of yourself, that's the most important thing then take care of others.

I'm glad that you are posting here again.

[jaxomsride]

I had wondered why you hadn't posted in a while.

Yeesh your Dad needs to grow up himself!

Belle look after yourself. It's not selfish to say "no" to him, it's pure self survival.

PS

[jaxomsride]

I love you, but no, I don't expect anything in return, it comes without a price tag!