hm holidays are supposed to the time of relaxation and rest ( Read more... )

it does worry me that my female friends are all occupied with weight, and that it is a preoccupation of my own. i wonder whether this is an accurate reflection of the rest of female kind or if we're just all especially neurotic. it seems kind of like, we equate in our mind a certain physcial build to work towards, and place all our hopes about ( Read more... )

so.... been to Bangkok for a week, massive sprawling city. Apparently Blade Runner was inspired by it, and i can see why. Huge skyscrapers with unbelieveably large flashing advertising dominate the space above you, and on the street corners traditionally dressed old women poking about selling fish and noodles from woks. Crazy place, dirty smelly ( Read more... )

there are two parties this evening and i choose to stay here. i don't know why ( Read more... )

Official Survivor
Congratulations! You scored 70%!
Whether through ferocity or quickness, you made it out. You made the
right choice most of the time, but you probably screwed up somewhere.
Nobody's perfect, at least you're alive.
( Read more... )

gargh the missing chris experiance has begun. been doing stupid things like re organising my work into different coloured folders and sorting out my clothes into keep and go to oxfam piles to keep the feelings at bay. may even resort to cleaning things to distract my worried mind, although this will be the last distracting-mind-event. It's ok until ( Read more... )

god i feel like such utter shit. had a test today and i didnt know anything of the things i needed to, it was just so indescribably awful. i feel so lonely and anxious, i have a university interview on wednesday and i don't know how i'm going to be happy and peppy. theres no one at college i like or want to talk to, they're all younger than me and ( Read more... )

So Chris left yesterday. i went and said goodbye to him at the station and had to force myself not cry manically on the train home. i've spent all day trying to work, but everytime i pick something up to do i can't bring myself to do it. i know i should make an effort to keep on top of things, and not curl into a solitary ball, but the drive to ( Read more... )

Chris's on coming 4 month world trip extravaganza is horrifically close. He will be experiancing amazing life changing stuff, travelling to countries such as China, Russia, Vietnam, Greece, Columbia... etc. I wont be there. i shall be here, with my books and my internet connection and a fear of the unknown. how i will cope with out him i cannot ( Read more... )

last night i dreamt a doctor was cutting my feet off. he sliced through the flesh and then moved onto sawing through the bone. when i asked for an aneasthetic he laughed like i was a pouting child. the strange thing was, i genuinely felt in pain.... have been feeling very aware of the vulnerabilites of the human body all day thanks to that. strange ( Read more... )