i think it started when the cool breeze emerged.  when i could see my own breath and feel my ears brighten, the way they always do when my emotions have no outlet.  i was too tired to care about work anymore, the one thing that helps me to move.  to feel a purpose.  and as i walked home in the dark, feet shuffling against the concrete, i could ( Read more... )

 i have stolen internet at home.  and in a matter of minutes, i learned so much about you all.  moving.  buying homes. travel stresses.  i've been very absent in your lives, and it's good to hear how you all are doing.

i've started to download music.  hit me up with top picks. 

things seem pretty good right now.

but i have to admit, when i'm working overnight and checking on the kids every 30 minutes, i sorta wanna drop kick their angelic little sleeping faces.  it's so cruel to watch them sleep when i have to stay awake.

i have a mini-vacation sunday through wednesday.  i want to do something.  go somewhere.  the weather ( Read more... )

no matter how poopity poop poop things can be, it's been three years today since i came out to my family and that will always feel pretty damn good.  i never told erica this (um...surprise), but i sorta blame her in a good way for me coming out.  nothing quite like a torn up heart to inspire a girl to show her true gay colors.  so, thanks ( Read more... )

it's pretty bad right now.  i'm antsy and i'm alone at work and i've already wasted hours on the internet just trying to get my mind away from where it is.  maybe it's b/c i haven't had solid sleep in 5 days or the coffee has turned my stomach into a uneasy mess, but i feel horrible ( Read more... )

i like falling asleep crying.  i like being able to be honest with myself about where i am and somehow get to the point where i'm comfortable enough to let go.  that fluid part between conscious aching and worry free sleep.  i woke up in a panic tonight, drenched in sweat.  it was completely dark (which working overnights, i have only seen light ( Read more... )

gingerly arching her back to avoid the pertruding nails from the ceiling boards, cecelia manuvered her way through the plastic bins, out of season cross country skiis, and luggage in the garage attic.  as soon as she stepped onto the platform, she knew she'd have to be quick for two simple reasons: she was about to venture into an unknown world, ( Read more... )

on monday evening, i started my new temporary job at a runaway shelter.  not the sort of shelter where i used to work.  the kind of shelter where kids really are homeless and the beds are full.  this is my sixth night working overnights.  my week of work emotions went as such:

monday:  yay, i'm a working woman.

tuesday: okay, i guess i'll learn more.

( Read more... )

i think there might just be a problem with stopping ( Read more... )

i dont even need to close my eyes to see her.  in fact, shes vibrant in front of me, eyes wide open, and vivid.  those eyes, so gentle and sad and full of sorrow, they pierce me.  i can remember every shift in her body, the quick lick of her lips, knowing full well that as i hovered above her in our boxed up apartment that i was going to kiss her. ( Read more... )