I have been frightened away from my journal for a moment. A terrible moment. During the semester I was mostly lacking in free-time and mind-space. Now some time has opened up but I have neen betrayed by Cat--who sought my journal and read through it all, searching for things that placed poison in our relationship. Asking about the awkward weekend ( Read more... )

Struggling to find my place at the Y still, reading Critical Race Theory and beginning to feel better about it. True, I need to work on reading these things for their own merit in order to really understand... but I'm finding it to be very healing ( Read more... )

I find myself hungering for conversation; dialogue, words words words. After class tonight I wanted to call Cat and to talk about shit, to worry through it all and to get it out of my head--my insecurities about never being professional enough; my desire to always stay radical, to not incorporate that mainstream dominate culture bias into my ( Read more... )

Not quite sure why... I was in a decent mood all day long, and looking forward to this evening, perhaps I'm unhappy because nothing is like my ideal image; perhaps it's because I was looking forward to having time for thinking/processing/relaxing and that was interrupted; perhaps because I don't like other people to control the shape things; maybe ( Read more... )

that I have never had orgasms on such a regular basis ( Read more... )

Been a long time since I've been here--and I'm not sure what has brought it. 2am... am I rewinding? And you, in time, funny because we were never really "where we are" when we were together--I've met someone new and watching you floundering is possibly the worst thing I could see at this time.... For once in my life, I am subjected to the aftermath ( Read more... )

Meeting you has been such a strange and neccesary thing. It feels like for the last several years, I have been sleepwalking--home, at last, and not really sure what to do with that. Piecing myself back together, getting everything right in my head and in my life, working to make the picture of my future more clear and clean. I've always known ( Read more... )

I don't know what happened, but she snuck into my life at the last possible moment. I can't remember when the last time I felt this way was--I am so drawn in by her kiss, by her breath, by simply being near her--I want to learn everything about her, to follow her to a quiet place and rest there for awhile.

Last time in my life it will be a day like today, with all those repeating numbers. I have it in my head, it is a goal, that I will be productive and good today. Library time, study, work. Yes ( Read more... )

Finding that my stomach gets torn up so frequently these days; being around people is enough to make me sick for half the day. How hard I used to rag Jake about this; at least I can acknowledge it is anxiety and not simply a weak stomach. going over--three beers and no buzz; C wanting to talk; about what? about what? I told her I had just come over ( Read more... )