I deleted the last entry because there were things on it that had changed...so I guess I should say again that I don't care what people think about things I write in here so I'm gonna continue to write.

I can say that our talk was benefitial...and for the first time in a couple of weeks I'm content right now.

Its ridiculous that I lose sleep just because he isn't talking to me...

I'm ending this journal. I'm getting one nobody knows about because it just causes more trouble. Have a good one...

Live life, be good... love everybody. Never give up... never give in, stand strong. Believe in God, walk with God...everything else just falls in place...

I'm just speechless, completely speechless...

Everytime I say anything I just mess things up even more.

I don't have an appetite, I can't sleep. Work is stressing me out. Everything else is just...I dunno. I feel like I'm supposed to apologize for my feelings, I feel like I'm supposed to be able to control everything I have no control over...I feel like I've somehow messed up by having feelings...I feel like I've done everyone wrong by not being the ( Read more... )

Him calling just to say goodnight made me so happy...

I wanna move...I've been thinking about it a lot lately. I had a dream about it last night, I'm just so sick of everything here. I don't want to leave forever, just a few months to get away.

When you aren't here I lay in bed,
Memories racing through my mind.
Wishing I could hold your hand again,
( Read more... )

I feel like I'm going to throw up ( Read more... )

I wish I could make him smile. I wish he didn't hurt anymore. I wish I knew what to do...

I thought I did good? ...Apparently not

I'm tired of work.

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't...

I'm gonna go read... or just sit there, or sleep... or something.

Today felt like one of the hardest days ever...

I feel like Jennifer Anniston in Bruce Almighty when she's sitting on her bed hugging her pillow telling God she wishes she could stop loving him because she's tired of hurting. When he isnt here I hurt... This time seems to hurt more because I allowed myself to like him more than I did before because I wasn't scared anymore. I wanted a real ( Read more... )